My 600 Pound Life

Yesterday I had the day to myself.  The boys were with Scouts, CME was working and the dogs were satisfied as long as they had food, water and were let outside when needed.  I was up at 5am to get the boys where they needed to be, and I am (slightly) ashamed to admit that I had drank an entire pot of coffee before 9:00am!  Yikes!  However, I will claim this victory:  the boys wanted donuts for breakfast and my absolute favorite was even advertised on the Donut Bank billboard:  Chocolate Cream Filled Long John!  I will have you know that I brought CME a danish home, but I did not cave to this weakness!  Go God!

Anyway, after a lovely couple of hours spent with a dear friend of mine, I was home for the night.  I found myself flipping through channels on the TV.  Note - I don't watch that much TV, so I didn't really have any idea what I was looking for.  I'd stop on various channels and watch a few minutes and decide that nope...this show wasn't for me.  Until...until I landed on TLC.

What caught my attention?  The morbidly obese lady talking about her upcoming weight loss surgery.  I was hooked.  As I watched, I could relate to some of her words.  Her fear of possibly dying from the surgery and leaving her 9 year old daughter without her mom; the thoughts of what life would be like after surgery, etc.  She had a lot of really positive things to say about why she was having surgery and how she wanted to be a participant in her daughter's life/activities, not just a bystander.  (my paraphrase from my own emotions) What I couldn't relate to was what a complete and utter jerk her husband was toward her.  He told her that if she lost weight, that not only would she not be attractive to him, she'd be repulsive.  WHAT?  I started getting angry for her.  He didn't go to the hospital for her surgery, though he did call her the day after. When she said, "Hello" he replied, "So how much weight have you lost?" and then proceeded to tell her what he was eating.  She was smart and ended the call, but again...I was angry!  When he came to take her home (he was late) he decided to go through a drive-through (after she was with him) and order fast food and then asked her hold his burger for him.  I was angry!  (I probably would have thrown it out the window...) When she asked him (a few months later) to pick up a salad for her for dinner, he told her if she wanted to eat grass...to go outside.  I was ANGRY!  When she hired a personal trainer, he told her it was a waste of money and if she wanted to break a sweat she could vacuum the house.  I. WAS. ANGRY!!!!  I think it was around month 6 that she stopped at the golden arches for a Large Diet Dr. Pepper.  I gasped...audibly!

Seriously...as I continued watching my heart broke for Zsalynn Whitworth.  This journey is hard.  It's even harder if you don't have a support network.  Not only does this woman not have a support network (at least not one they were showing), she has a husband who is doing everything in his power to sabotage her health...physically and emotionally.  It's abuse and I pray she sees that.  Sure, I don't know what kind of counseling there might have been before/during/after the procedure.  Reality TV is usually not reality - at least not fully as the situation truly happened; editing teams have a LOT of control.  Regardless, even what was shown there is a whole slew of issues this lady is facing.

My prayer for her is that she find some good deep Christian counseling.  Her words make it clear that she truly does want a healthy life.  She wants to be around for her daughter.  My fear is that she is not going to be successful long-term because of her life situation.  I pray for a breakthrough in her marriage.  I pray for her to be surrounded by love and support!

Let me put this out there for anyone who may be contemplating this surgery.  Find a support system!!  If it's not your spouse, find family...friends...peers.  Dig deep into faith in your Creator.  When no one else is available...He will listen.  He will get you through the dark times.  His is forever faithful.  He created you...He knows your heart, your every thought.  He knows who He created you to be!  Let Him in and let Him heal you!!
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"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14

Good for Me

This past Tuesday, I was able to speak at  bariatric center about my experience with gastric bypass surgery.  It’s not the first time…as a matter of fact, I think this was the 3^rd time I’ve spoken at an informational meeting.  And you know what?  It’s good for me.  Here’s why: it helps me to remember how far I’ve come.

As I looked around the room, I saw “me” in another person’s body.  The old me, that is.  I started my talk and could tell when I said something that touched on the emotions of the people there.  I remember, very vividly, sitting where they were sitting just two years ago.  I remember the feelings I had at that time.  Feelings of fear and sadness and the thought that I’d never get to eat again if I had this surgery.  I remember the emotional baggage that was attached to my life then…to the weight.  And as I continued to talk, I was able to get some laughter from a few people.  I saw a lot of head nods.  I saw a lot of what I interpreted to be hope from some that they too could experience life the way I’ve been blessed to experience it.

Same questions are usually asked – Why RNY?  What about extra skin?  What about people who aren’t supportive?  Why this facility?  What do you get to eat?  How much?  And so on and so on…But this question was new this time, “Sure you were motivated at the beginning because you HAD to be or you’d get sick.  What keeps you motivated now that you’re 17 months out from surgery?”  Wow!  What a good question.  The first part of my response was the confession that I’m still a food addict, but I went on to tell them that I start every morning with the simple prayer to Jesus that I choose Him over food.  I then let them know that I also refuse to be unhealthy again.  I’ve got too much to do to treat my body like a garbage can.  I’ve got too much life to live to be 300lbs!  I added the fact that it’s fun to buy cute clothes. :-) Hey…what can I say? It’s the truth.

Anyway, I’m glad I was able to share some of my story again.  It was a blessing to be reminded how far God has brought me.  It was a blessing to remember the sadness that I felt back then and know that I will not go back to that life!  Yes, this was good for me!

I Can Pray

CME and I were at Walmart this past weekend when we were approached by the mom of a friend of our oldest son.  I don't know her exact words, but it went something like this... "I need you to do me a big favor.  I need you to pray for my husband.  He's in the hospital in <city 90 miles away> and isn't doing well."

He had gastric bypass in that city about a week or so ago.  He was sent home, but had a leak, became septic and had a hematoma on his liver.  His kidneys were even beginning to shut down.  She was needing to finish some last minute purchases before school started this morning and then was leaving the kids with friends and heading back to the hospital.  I'm not sure that she knew I had RNY...though I'm guessing she did.  But that's not why she approached us.  She wanted...needed...prayer.  So I prayed with her...right there in the kitchen gadget aisle.  I prayed for complete healing for her husband and for peace for her and her children as they navigate this time. Our son asked the friend today how her dad was doing; she said he seems to be better.  Praise God!  Though I know that prayers are still needed.

I don't really know how to describe how hearing her husband's story made me feel.  Grateful?  Yes.  Saddened?  Yes.  Guilty that God has blessed me and my surgery?  Yes.  Confused as to why others (those who have a personal relationship with Jesus like I do and those who don't) have complications?  Of course.  I am reminded that this family will not have the same experience that I have had.  I am reminded that gastric bypass surgery is not the "easy way" out.  I am reminded  that the gift He has given me is not to be taken for granted.

What I do know is that this family needs prayer.  There's not a lot I can do in this situation, but I can pray.  I am thankful that she felt compelled to ask us.  I am grateful that God has given me the courage to pray in the middle of a public place - not caring what the world may think about that.  But most of all, I am so humbled that we have a Creator that loves us and hears our prayers...always.

So...how can I pray for you?

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"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14