Stinkin' Thinkin'

I must confess that some emotional aspects of this journey are hard to overcome.  I have avoided the scales for nearly two weeks now.  I'm not sure why, but I think I was "scared" to weigh as this time of the year is usually soooo bad for me.  I found thoughts like these in my head: "Have you broken your pouch?"  "You've not been journaling...you've probably gained weight like usual."  "If you avoid the scale, you won't be disappointed." 

I bit the bullet this morning and got on the scales.  I have dropped 7.5# in 13 days!  OVER CHRISTMAS EVEN!!!  I knew I made good choices.  I knew I hadn't eaten anything I couldn't/shouldn't, but the fear of those scales had me in a headlock!  

I'm so glad I broke through that stupid head issue!  Take that you nasty nasty piece of stinkin' thinkin!

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"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14

Thoughts and such...

I realize that I've not blogged much this month.  Part of it was intentional.  Part of it was to stay away from the internet and electronic world as much as possible.  I didn't want to lose sight of the meaning and season of CHRISTmas.  I didn't want January 1 to come and wonder, "Wow...did I truly focus on CHRIST?"  I'm glad I used my time in other ways, like family game nights and crafting gifts as well as more time spent in the Word.  However, I do think I missed blogging.  Sometimes it's just nice to get thoughts and such out of my head.  :)

So let me try to remember things I wanted to say...

The Pits - I was struggling.  Really.  Did you know that armpits (ha!  fooled ya!) are concave and that when you shave them, it's not a guarantee that you'll get all the hair if you're not paying close attention?  I didn't.  I didn't have any idea until I was drying my hair one morning (after having just shaved the pits) and realized I had missed a whole section on both pits!  Whole. Sections.  Why?  Because my pits are no longer like little mounds under my arm...they are truly pits.  Go figure!

Coffee - One of the things I was concerned with prior to surgery was the ability to drink coffee post-surgery.  I'm not going to lie.  I missed coffee for a while.  Now?  I don't.  Why? I'm drinking coffee.  Not nearly as much as I use to (3/4 of a pot a day might have been excessive to begin with) but I am enjoying it one cup at a time. CME got me the family a Mr. Coffee single serve coffee brewer (Kuerig K-cup compatible) that I use daily. Love the variety and the single servings!

Clothes - had to break down and go shopping again. I had one pair of pants that actually fit.  All others were too big.  I bought mostly size 12 pants, but did find one pair of size 10 (TEN!!!) jeans that fit too.  Most shirts I wear now are a medium.  I can't wrap my brain around that size. LoL  Really!  I look at the shirt and think, "there is no way that will fit!"  But it does.  SO strange, yet SO exciting!

Weight - I've not weighed in over two weeks now.  I'm not sure why.  I don't know if I'm afraid of what the scales will say or if I'm just not as interested in the number.  (I'm thinking it's more of the fear factor.)  I plan on weighing on Sunday.  That seems to be my "weigh-in" day.

Exercise - still my nemesis.  I've not been to an exercise class in nearly 2 months. TWO. MONTHS!  I really do like the Body Pump class.  I just need to get back into the habit of going.  I've kind of fallen back into the old habit of "I'm too busy" when in all honesty, I'm choosing not to go.  This will change...I cannot do this without a consistent exercise plan.  And by do this, I mean make this a life long change, not just another temporary weight loss.  Exercise will be key!!!

Shrinkles - UGH!!!  That's what I think about that!!  The excess skin is nasty.  The droopiness of it all is frustrating.  Good thing I can hide it under clothes!

Food - I made it through the CHRISTmas holiday fairly unscathed food wise.  I made lasagna for our family gathering and ate the stuffing out of it.  I chose to avoid the noodles so I could have more of the good stuff!  A couple moments of, "I wish I could have a little of that" hit me...like the banana split cake or hot wassail my dad always makes.  But for the most part, I didn't feel cheated by not eating the other goodies... fettuccine alfredo, fudge / candies, cookies, etc.  Well, I did have 1/2 of an oatmeal cookie my sister made...she made them with Splenda.  :)  I haven't measured/journaled nearly like I should and I haven't gotten my protein in while on break this week.  Both of those need to change.  All in all, food was not a focus for me...praise God!

Rings - One of the "smaller" features for me were my hands.  At my largest, my ring fingers were a size 7.  That's not big for someone whose weight once topped 300 lbs!  (did I just admit that in writing?!)  I really didn't think I'd lose weight in my hands.  I was wrong.  A few weeks back, I went to wave at a friend and my wedding rings slid all the way to the top of my finger!  That was a clear indicator that I needed to have them re-sized!  I was amazed that my ring size is now a 5.5.  Though I could wear a 5, getting it over my knuckle was painful so I opted to go for the 5.5 so it wouldn't be uncomfortable this summer.

Reflections - literally.  Every now and again, I'll catch a reflection in a window and have to do a double take to realize that it's me.  What stands out to me are my legs.  I'm use to seeing LARGE legs in a reflection and when I see them now, it shocks me.  My legs aren't large anymore and I can even see my knee caps when I'm sitting down.  Defined kneecaps.  Crazy!

Reactions - I'm still not use to the reactions of others; people who haven't seen me in years; people who had no idea I had surgery.  I enjoy their kind words and compliments, but I find myself blushing at their "oozing" comments.  (Let me clarify that...these are comments from women! LoL)  Also, I'm sure CME is tired of some of the questions he gets asked, "What about your new skinny wife?"  "What do you think of her weight loss?"  He is so sweet in his responses, which are usually as simple as, "She's the same person to me."  or "Her weight doesn't matter to me."  He rocks.

Pictures - I've finally started to recognize differences in pictures.  Sometimes I see it when it's just me in the picture (like the one below that CME took while I was making my sister's Christmas gift) but I mainly see it when looking at pictures from this time last year.  I find it hard to look at the before pictures knowing that those are me!  I don't even recognize myself in those.  I guess I truly didn't see that version of me. 

CME - I can't blog about this journey without acknowledging the incredible love and support that I've gotten from my husband.  From the first time sitting in the informational meeting through every step of this process, he has been amazing.  He may not always understand how I feel or how some things affect me, but he has always been loving and supportive.  I am so blessed to be his wife!  143 CME!

So there's some catching up for the month.  I have said this before and I will continue to say it.  God has given me the strength to pursue this journey.  He has continued to open my eyes to His definition of healthy and He is the one who deserves the glory for the successes I've experienced.  I can't imagine how anyone goes through this life...this journey...without Him!

Now...here are some pictures to help me see the difference a year can make.  

Working on my sister's necklace

December 23, 2012

Christmas Eve 2011 - Notice me trying to "hide" behind the boys as much as possible.

With my oldest (and gbaby!)

Christmas Eve 2012 - what a difference!  Not hiding and look at how tall Parker has gotten!!

My every day hero!!!  <3

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"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14

One Year Blogiversary!

One year ago today, I started this blog.  I've spent this morning re-reading each entry...yes all 146 of them! Wow has this journey been filled with ups and downs!  Seems like some of the hardest times were pre-surgery though.  Remembering where I was in the down times was a bit difficult, but reading the NSVs (especially the one where my son noted he could put his arms around me!!!) and seeing the faithfulness of God has been quite inspiring!  So Happy Blogiversary to me!!!

Thank you for the support you've shown this past year.  Your comments, emails, texts and conversations have meant more than I can express.  God has provided me with an incredible support network and I am truly blessed by you all!

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"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14

A Birthday Celebration

I'm still here, but have been busy with all the hustle and bustle of this season.  I'll blog later about where things are now and how things have progressed, but for now, I want to share this with you.

You're Are Cordially Invited 

to a Birthday Celebration!

Guest of Honor:  Jesus Christ

Date:  Every day.  Traditionally, December 25, but He's always around, so the date is flexible...

Time: Whenever you're ready.  (Please don't be late, though, or you'll miss out on all the fun!)

Place:  In your heart...He'll meet you there.  (You'll hear Him knock.)

Tickets:  Admission is free.  He's already paid for everyone...(He says you wouldn't have been able to afford it anyway...it cost Him everything He had.  But you do need to accept the ticket!!)

Refreshments:  New wine, bread, and a far-out drink He calls "Living Water," followed by a supper that promises to be out of this world!

Gift suggestions:  Your life.  He's one of those people who has everything else.  (He's very generous in return though.  Just wait until you see what He has for you!)

Entertainment:  Joy, Peace, Truth, Light, Life, Love, Real Happiness, Communion with God, Forgiveness, Miracles, Healing Power, Eternity in Paradise, Contentment, and much more!  (All "G" rated, so bring your family and friends!)

R.S.V.P.  Very important!  He must know ahead so He can reserve a spot for you at the table.  Also, He's keeping a list of His friends for future reference.  He calls it the "Lamb's Book of Life."

Party being given by His Children (that's us!!)! Hope to see you there!  For those of you whom I willl see at the party, share this with someone today!

May you have a very blessed and

Merry CHRISTmas!!!

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"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14

Jingle All The Way

Thanks to the Arthritis Foundation adding bells to our goody bags, we jingled all the way to the finish line of this 5k!  There were jingles all over the place!  Jingles and presents and Santa hats and Elves...even Buddy the Elf...and Rudolph and Santa...oh and Santa and Mrs. Claus...and lots and lots of red white and green!  My son who ran with me even commented that this was a fun 5k!  Kudos to the Arthritis Foundation and the people of Evansville making this event a success.  

My son told me, "You better win!"  I looked at him and said, "Have I ever told you that you better win?"  He smiled and he said, "In my book...finishing is winning."  And he's right!  We are winners!!!  He then told me... see you at the finish line!  He did great for his first 5k run.  His final time was 37 minutes 40 seconds; 396 out of over 465 runners.  (I forget the total number of runners!)  He was 14 out of 16 in his age group.  Seriously, this is a HUGE accomplishment for him and I am sooo proud!  And yes, I ran.  I ran the best I could... interval running, basically, but running nevertheless.  I finished in 43 minutes 6 seconds and 435th out of all the runners.  I wasn't even the last in my age group!  This is 12-15 minutes ahead of my best time walking.  WooHoo!  I still can't say I enjoyed the running part, but I know that it meant a lot to my son.  He even mentioned how he didn't like running cross country, but did it anyway.  That is the exact reason I KNEW I needed to run with him.  I am an example for him...I can't tell him to do one thing and then I do something different. 

Other thoughts as I was running... this particular race is for the Arthritis Foundation.  There are a ton of people who would love to be out running, but because of a crippling disease, they can't.  I am blessed and I should not complain about running.  Then, there were these two people that I couldn't help but be inspired by.  The guy would run to a "marker" and stop and wait...cheering on the girl as she'd run to that spot.  They'd then walk a bit and he'd do it again.  Talk about inspiring!  He was her motivation...and mine!  THAT was awesome support!!!  And speaking of support, CME and our oldest came down to cheer us on...taking pictures along the way.  It's good to see smiling faces and to hear your family cheer you on as you run for the finish line.  I am so incredibly blessed!  

Here's a glance of our morning... <insert jingle bells sounds as you scroll through!>

Some style in Evansville... yes!

Sheriff Hum-V blocking traffic

I wonder if Santa asked him if he'd been good!

The best part of this costume...the harness with jingle bells.

This granny elf left us in her dust!  Way to go!!!

The crowd in front of me...

The crowd behind me.

The Grinch made several appearances too!

The smile means it was the start of the race.

That's my boy!

Run!!!

Sprinting to the finish line.

The finish line is in sight!

Almost there!

We did it!

Jingles...all the way.

Smiling because it's over!

My extra jingles.

Love that he ran with me!

Checking his time...

Checking my time.

T-shirts!  And love his smile!

What a team!

Jingle Bell Run!

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"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14

Hello December!

I can't believe it's December already.  Really, I can't!  A full week into the month already and I don't even know how the past 7 months have gone by so quickly.  I can only imagine how quickly this month is going to go considering how busy it will be.  I need to consciously choose to slow down and enjoy the CHRISTmas season, otherwise it will blow past me almost unnoticed...

Anyway, let me see if I can give a few quick updates.  (Okay, so this may not be quick...we will see!)

After the sports bra mishap, I did go buy a new one.  Tried it out this week and I can say that "the girls" didn't even try to escape.  That'll teach 'em!  I also must admit that I am not liking the running thing at all.  I think I used the word "loathe" in describing it to Missy.  For any of you who are runners...good for you!  I still plan on jogging to the best of my ability on Saturday - my son deserves my effort especially since we really had to encourage him to run cross country.  Please pray that I go into it with a positive mind and not dreading it and grudgingly doing it like I'm thinking as I type this.

I also purchased new underwear.  (Sorry if that's TMI too!)  I really didn't know what size to get, so I guessed.  When I got home, I pulled them out of the package and looked at them with the 'there is no way I'll ever fit into those!' look.  CME and I cracked up!!  Now, their elasticity helps, I'm sure, but they fit! They fit well, actually.  And they are a fraction of the pair I pulled out from the dresser to compare them with.  Honest!!  If I didn't think that guys read this blog, I'd probably even post a picture of the comparison...but that's way out of my comfort zone for mixed company!

I had lunch this past week with a friend from my past.  We hadn't seen each other in a couple of years.  She had no idea I had gastric bypass surgery.  When she entered the restaurant, I had to get up to greet her because she had no idea who I was.  It was GREAT!  She is still the positive and encouraging friend that I knew back when.  We got to catch up on a lot and I was able to share how this journey is more than weight loss for me, but that it is a transformation inside and out that God is orchestrating.  She reminded me of something I said to her probably close to 20 years ago.  I had left a Weight Watchers meeting and told her one of the things that was shared: What I sneak and eat today, the world will see tomorrow.  I couldn't believe she remembered that, because I had obviously forgotten it over the years!  Regardless, she was so happy for me and so encouraging.  Love that lady!

Oh yeah, I had forgotten to blog about this experience, but since I want this blog to be about all aspects of this, I need to confess that some habits die hard.  A couple of weekends ago, I was home alone.  Working from home actually.  MULTIPLE times that day I found myself wandering into the kitchen, opening the refrigerator repeatedly; looking around and closing it.  Probably the sixth or seventh time I did that it hit me.  "WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING?  YOU'RE NOT HUNGRY!  GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN!"  Now the good thing is that we hadn't been to the grocery store yet and there was nothing healthy for me to snack on so I didn't eat anything.  That alone is a victory, but what if there had been something I could eat?  I would have been grazing...even if it's healthy food, grazing is NOT a healthy habit.  I had fallen prey to one of those "trigger" situations from my past.  Alone. Bored.  I am so grateful that I did finally realize the pattern.  It serves as a good reminder that I still don't have this whole thing conquered.  I will have to be aware at all times.  

Shrimp.  It's something that I never really ate.  It's now something I'm searching for when eating out.  CME and I had a date night and went to Applebee's.  I have decided that I really like their grilled jalapeno-lime shrimp from their Weight Watchers menu.  I didn't eat the rice (still don't like to fill up on rice when the other really yummy stuff is better for me anyway!) and had about 1/2 cup of the shrimp and the leftovers for lunch the next day.  I like shrimp.  Who'da thunk it?

Those are my updates for now.  Now, needing to put that whole "slow down and enjoy the season" thought into action because after all Jesus is the reason for the season and so deserves all my attention.  Hoping you can enjoy this CHRISTmas season as well!

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"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14