LTNS

What is LTNS?  LTNS is "Long Time No See"  But I guess I should have said, LTNB: "Long Time No Blog."

So this is going to be one of those "start typing and see what comes out entries.  Here goes...

Life has been incredibly busy since my last post. (Whose isn't, right??)  I've had 7 appointments with the chiropractor so far.  I'm not done with treatment yet, but the back is definitely better.  There was one day that he was running a little late (RARELY happens with him!) and I was looking at all the posters/pictures in the room.  One of them really caught my attention.  It wasn't any of the ones that show the spinal cord and how the injuries look; it was one titled "Road to Recovery."  What I found interesting about it was that it really could apply to just more than chiropractic healing.  There comes a point in any treatment plan that you have to make a decision - that point where we start feeling better.  We have to decide to continue the treatment plan or not.  I can't tell you how many times I've done this in my life, and this weight loss journey isn't exempt at all.  I've been at that point for a couple of months now.  And unfortunately, sometimes I've chosen NOT to follow the "treatment" plan.  I've not measured, I've not logged and I've made some conscious decision to venture off on my own.  Some of the old thoughts have crept back in and though most days I am strong and push them right back out, there have been a couple of times I've fallen prey to them.  So I'm committing here, publicly, to get back on the path to recovery.  As I've stated before, I am a food addict - still.  But I continue to trust God to help me quickly identify when I'm close to a downward spiral and keep me on the road to recovery.

Lots of changes for our kiddos.  Our oldest daughter just accepted a promotion at the bank.  It's taking her out of her comfort zone and into a whole different division in the company.  I know she's nervous, but I'm so proud of her.  She's always been fearless and incredibly responsible in her jobs.  I'm sure she will rock it!  Our youngest daughter is in the middle of a big transition as well.  She recently graduated from the Surgical Technician program and has been offered a job at IU Health in Bloomington. She's just waiting to hear if she passed her exam or not.  I have all the confidence that she did; she's just feeling the pressure of the unknown.  So proud of them both!  Our oldest son starts high school in two days.  He was fortunate enough to get into one of the top high schools in the country. (Signature School) There's a lot of pressure that goes along with that.  This school is full of honor students...and therefore they truly teach at a level not seen in most other local school.  He is INCREDIBLY smart, but has a history of not applying himself.  I'm praying that his first experience with a test last week (yes, he had summer homework) is a wake up call to the level of effort that is required.  I "think" he gets it; I pray he uses the gift that God has given him! If that wasn't bad enough, CME taught him to shave this week!  Time really does fly!  And our youngest...well, he's not really experiencing change right now, other than not having his older brother at the same school right now.  I'm ready for the boys to be back in school so there is a schedule...and as bad as this may sound, so that I can have a little more influence on what and how much they're eating.  Summertime has proven to be a challenge in their eating habits.  Though we don't really buy junk food...the constant grazing and overeating (in my opinion based on what's missing every day when I get home from work) concerns me.  Yes, they're growing boys, but their habits are being formed now.  

In other news...I just spent two incredibly awesome days attending the Global Leadership Summit hearing inspiring speakers like Gen. Colin Powell, Pat Lencioni, Mark Burnett, Dr. Brené Brown, just to name a few.  The theme throughout the conference was bravery and courage among leaders.  One of the quotes that has stuck with me is actually one from Pastor Bill Hybels: "Every significant vision that God births in you is going to put your courage to the test."  This is so true in the journey God is taking me down.  My courage has been tested through this weight loss journey and through other areas in my life.  The cool thing is that God is faithful in being my source of strength and courage.  He lets me fall off the path and has His hand extended to help me get right back up and on the road He has planned.  Change is scary.  Leading is scary.  Life is scary.  It takes courage that only He can provide.  I can't imagine going through this life without God on my side.

Let's see...what else?  Oh yeah!  CME bought me a new car!  Okay, so "we" bought it... but CME is the one who really put the talk of a new car into an actual purchase.  We traded in our 2004 Kia Optima with over 100,000 miles, a mysterious oil leak and a windshield that would sometimes let the really hard downpours drip into the car for a 2013 Kia Soul with 10 miles on the odometer.  Typically we are not a "new" car family.  We opt for the certified pre-owned versions, but with the rebates and internet price of this car, we got it for basically the same price as the pre-owned version.  One of the things I really like about this car is that it small on the outside, but roomy on inside!  CME actually has some headroom and my Dad (who is clinically morbidly obese) could easily get in and out and buckle the seat belt!  From someone who knows how difficult it can be to ride in small cars and has had issues in past getting seat belts around me, this is a bonus!  I'm averaging 25 mpg in the city...that's pretty darn awesome too!  I'm thankful that God has gotten us to a place that we can purchase a new car at a "top tier" financing rate.  I also credit CME for being diligent in helping our credit scores improve over the years.  TY honey for all the hard work (literally and metaphorically) to get us to this point!  And thank you for your desire for me to drive a good car.  143!

Cereal and I are not getting along.  A few times I've tried cereal with milk and for whatever reason, it doesn't sit well at all. (Happened today even.)  I wonder if it's the liquid/food combo.  I still don't drink with my meals so my brain wants me to think it has to do with milk, but I'm really not sure.  I can eat cereal dry and drink milk alone with no issues, so I'm going with the fact it's not a good combination for me.  Not unheard of for RNY patients and not life altering, just not working for me.  

Still LOVE shrimp.  And I found another really good Spicy Baked Shrimp recipe on Pinterest.  I recommend it if you like spicy!  I've pinned a lot of recipes and actually make some of them. Spaghetti Squash Pad Thai was another one that was delish!  Finding healthy ways to make some of my favorites is actually fun.  :)  Crazy, right?  Healthy is what I'm going for...for me and for our family.  

So there's a glimpse of some of the things going on lately.  Still have a lot on my metaphoric plate, but hopefully I will remember to be healthy in the decisions I'm making.  Physically healthy, mentally healthy and emotionally healthy!  God still has big plans for me and I need to be ready for His call!
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"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14

Thanks A Lot Carnie Wilson

That was my thought around 3:30 this afternoon.  "Thanks a lot, Carnie Wilson!"  

I'll be honest and say that I was more than frustrated while in the breakroom at work to prepare my afternoon snack of PB2 and mashed banana.  (Did you all know that I really like PB2?!?!)  On the counter was some leftover food from a luncheon today.  Sandwiches, chips, cookies, etc.  I didn't hear the first part of the conversation, but two other employees (one male / one female) were discussing carbs and needing to lose weight etc.  Then this comment by the female caught my attention: "Well, the risks far outweigh the benefits!" The guy jumped in with, "And it's not permanent anyway.  You can stretch your stomach back out.  Look at Carnie Wilson.  She gained all her weight back. Even had the surgery twice."  

I looked up from stirring my snack and really REALLY thought about joining the conversation.  Yet, I didn't know these two.  I didn't want to be THAT person.  And I wasn't really sure that I wanted to be judged for the decision I made to have gastric bypass surgery.  So instead, I listened as they continued.  The snippets of "My doctor would NEVER recommend it - it's too risky." and "Sure, she'll lose weight, but it's highly unlikely that she'll keep it off." and "It will be interesting to see how she does." (pretty sure I knew who they were referencing...) made the hair on the back of my neck stand on end.  I was mad!  I was mad that they are not well informed.  I was mad that they were so judgemental.  I was even mad at Carnie Wilson!  

Then the thought occurred that maybe, just maybe, they were a tad "jealous" (for lack of a better word) that someone else had the courage to battle their food addiction head on.  Maybe they secretly wished they had that same courage but are scared (regardless if it was through gastric bypass intervention or not).  I remember days like that.  When I'd make comments like, "I could never have gastric bypass..I'm too chicken!"  And I remember my post from a few days ago asking that we (weight loss surgery patients) show grace to people like these two.  So I finished making my snack and left them to carry on without my two cents.  (I'm quite sure they would appreciate knowing that I had a filter in place this afternoon!)

I want to reiterate something I've been saying a for a while and something I remember MD telling me very early on in this journey.  This surgery is not a cure all.  If I didn't (don't) make permanent changes - physically and emotionally, then I will not succeed.  I cannot (and will not) try to speak for anyone else on why they may have gained most or all their weight back.  I am not privy to their personal lives.  What I can tell you is that this process is not an easy process.  It is not the secret weight loss miracle everyone is in search of.  It's hard work.  Emotionally you MUST be ready.  You must be willing to address issues like emotional eating, binge eating, all that excess baggage that you've picked up along your way to the point you decide to have surgery.  The surgery alone will not "fix" your food addiction.  The surgery alone really won't even touch the surface of your food addiction.  You must be willing to take responsibility for your actions and you must be willing to make permanent changes.  You must have accountability.  (My blog is part of my accountability...if that makes sense.)  If you are considering this surgery, be ready to address all of that...and more!  YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR MAINTAINING A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE.  Not the doctors, not the surgery, not the dietician.  Not your family and friends. You. (Me).  

So thanks a lot, Carnie Wilson, for helping to remind me that I am responsible for how I use this tool (gift) that God has given me.  I will not take it for granted.
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"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14

God Works Differently in Everyone's Life

I’ve spent the majority of my life being judged; if not by others, then by my own thoughts and perceptions.  I recently read something that made me realize that there is still a huge misconception and judgmental attitude about weight loss surgery.  One of the reasons that I started this blog was to help others overcome some of that mindset.  Has it worked?  Maybe.  Do I think more can be done?  Absolutely.

So let me see if I can put into words what I feel needs to be said. 

First let me address those of us who have had weight loss surgery or are researching the idea.  Kudos! Hold your head high.  More than likely, you have not gone into this without a lot of thought and consideration and hopefully a lot of prayer.  Those outside looking in at WLS patients truly may not understand the circumstances which have led you to this decision or the WLS process involved.  Show them grace - even if it stings to read/hear their opinion!  Focus on you and you journey and be proud that you are taking steps necessary to overcome your food addiction and embrace a healthy lifestyle.  Focus on God and what He has in store for your life.  Follow the plans – both your bariatric center’s plan and God’s plan.  Make this journey a healthy journey.  Grow deeper emotionally to be able to make the changes that are necessary for long term success.  You deserve it!

On to those who have lost weight without having weight loss surgery (or have never struggled with your weight to begin with)… Kudos!  Congratulations on your success!  I honestly celebrate your success with you!  Here’s where this may get a little close to stepping on toes, but I hope you’ll hear me out on this topic.  Your journey is your journey.  Please do not assume that people who have chosen to have weight loss surgery have found a gimmick or easy way out or that we can’t enjoy the same personal satisfaction or joy because we chose to have surgery.  Joy comes from the Lord – not through weight loss, regardless of how each of us loses the extra pounds!  Please educate yourself before you make assumptions.  There is nothing easy about weight loss surgery.  It is a tool that some decide to use to get healthy.  Please do not judge another’s journey to better health.  Instead, celebrate with them (us) their desire and hard work for a healthier life. 

For both groups of people – find ways to be an encouragement.  Use kind and uplifting words.  Don’t judge others’ choices.  Be an advocate of seeing ourselves as our God sees us – fearfully and wonderfully made!  Rejoice in the strength the Lord has given you to even take the first step.

To my family and friends:  I could not be more blessed!  The unending love and support that you have shown me throughout this process does not go unnoticed.  Your words of encouragement, hugs, and love make me realize that God does a much better job of selecting my friends than I do!  LOL  (no, really!)  He has placed a remarkable network of people in my life and I am forever grateful.

And a special note to CME.  You continue to bless my every day.  You have been my support line here on earth.  You have encouraged me even when I’ve felt like I wasn’t progressing as I should.  You have helped me see some things in a proper and healthy perspective.  You have helped clothe me…both financially and because your taste in style is much better than mine! LoL  You make me smile and you make me laugh.  Thank you.  I cannot imagine this journey without you in it!  143!

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"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14

Curiosity

So my brain got the best of me this morning and I was curious to see what the scales had to say today. Guess what! The scales showed me at the same weight that I was before I weighed yesterday. Exactly. 2.2# less than yesterday. But here's what's weird. The weight from yesterday didn't save on my Wii profile. Erased. Gone. Actually it's as if it never existed in the first place! That has never happened before and I was so excited. Let me explain why this tidbit is so important to me.

This missing data on the Wii, reminded me that this journey really is about Jesus. As I stand before our Holy God, Jesus will be my advocate and it will be as if every sin and every transgression of mine never existed. Jesus has already paid the price for my many many failures. He has already wiped away my sins through the blood He shed on the cross. People! That is a glorious and magnificent thing!!

Every little part of this journey is revealing more and more to me and drawing me even closer to my Savior. I'm so thankful for these little insights God gives me. The transformation that He is doing on the inside far outshines what He's doing for me on the outside. The weight loss is great, but the way He has opened my eyes and continues to reveal Himself to me is beyond words!!

I Did It

I made it through telling my story at bariatric center.  Yes, I was nervous.  I don't know why since this is my story, but I was.  I felt like I was a little scattered in how I was throwing things out there (definitely not in any chronological order).  But overall, I think people understood where I was going with it.  

I touched on things like how I came to the decision; unable to do things with my sons in scouting and how I heard God tell me that the obese, pain ridden person was not who He created me to be.  I talked about how the weight of the emotional side of the journey was harder to deal with than the physical weight.  I talked about the small complications I had at the hospital. I mentioned that first NSV of my sons face and amazement when he realized he could get his arms around me.  I told them how I left my informational meeting thinking I'd never get to eat again...but how that was a total lie and that I still LOVE to eat, but that I am treating food as a means of life support not as a reward, or friend to comfort me.  I told them that I felt bariatric center did a GREAT job of preparing me for the surgery...nutritionally as well as emotionally.  I told them to take advantage of that!  I mentioned exercise and how I still struggle getting in what I need to, but that its a must for long term success.  (note to self)  I gave an example of what my typical food intake looks like...at 9 months out.  I reminded them that WLS won't cure their obesity.  This surgery won't fix food addictions.  There is still a lot of work to be done.  I read them the analogy of the life boat.  I answered questions about how much time I was off work, what about the extra skin, has anything made me sick?  Oh!  I told them if they pursue this surgery... DO NOT CHEAT!  I told them that they deserve to NOT cheat.  They are worth this and they should not cheat themselves.  I bragged on the staff at the bariatric center.  I truly feel they deserve it!  I was asked my suggestion on how to tell family who would be opinionated.  I told them that I handled it this way, "I know you're concerned.  Feel free to discuss your concerns among yourselves. I will not discuss them with you."  The person who asked this said that she hadn't thought of it as concern before, but just that her parents were opinionated.  She said that looking at it now, she bets it is out of concern.

I don't remember what else was really discussed, I just hope that there was something I said that helped them.  I don't know if I'm still suppose to speak next month or not.  I didn't ask.  If I am speaking, the one thing I will do differently is to have a little more order to what I say.  Regardless, I'm glad I did this.  It gave me some time to really look back at the past 9 months (year including pre-op) and be truly thankful for God's guidance and the work He has done in me already!  He is so faithful!
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"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14

Sooner Than Expected

I received a call this morning from my bariatric center. The person they had scheduled to talk at this evening's orientation meeting is ill and can't make it so they wanted to know if I would be willing to share my story tonight! I said yes. EEK!!!

I have nothing prepared and work is way too busy right now for me to even consider trying to come up with something today. I will trust God to put the words in my mouth that the attendees need to hear...not only about the program, but about how He sees them!

Prayers needed and gratefully accepted!!

It's Relative

"Are you at your goal weight?"  "How much more weight do you think you'll lose?" "You're losing too much weight." "You're so skinny." "Don't lose too much more..."

Lately it seems like those are a lot of the questions and comments that are coming my way from many different people in my life.  I'm not offended by them at all. I know that for the most part it is truly out of concern.  The thing I try to explain to people is that if they didn't know me that they wouldn't think I was skinny.  If we were strangers and they passed me on the street they wouldn't be concerned.  It's a relative term. The perception comes in because they are use to seeing me [morbidly] obese so there is a stark difference.  Though the MD won't give me a goal weight, technically I'm still considered to be overweight.  Only 8.5 months out from surgery I know that I will continue to lose weight for a while.  I don't know how much that will be and I don't know when my body will finally even itself out.  What I do know is that it's important for me to continue to follow the program.  I trust God to walk me through this part of the journey as well.  For Him to take my body to where it needs to be and to give me wisdom when I need it.  And through this I will continue to give Him the glory for continuing to transform me both inside and out!

Below is a glance of the transformation...and why it's all relative.

2006 - at close to my highest weight
(yes, I think I was actually even bigger than this at one point)

January 20, 2013 - not quite half of what I was in 2006

Thank you God for your transforming power!
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"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14

Thoughts and such...

I realize that I've not blogged much this month.  Part of it was intentional.  Part of it was to stay away from the internet and electronic world as much as possible.  I didn't want to lose sight of the meaning and season of CHRISTmas.  I didn't want January 1 to come and wonder, "Wow...did I truly focus on CHRIST?"  I'm glad I used my time in other ways, like family game nights and crafting gifts as well as more time spent in the Word.  However, I do think I missed blogging.  Sometimes it's just nice to get thoughts and such out of my head.  :)

So let me try to remember things I wanted to say...

The Pits - I was struggling.  Really.  Did you know that armpits (ha!  fooled ya!) are concave and that when you shave them, it's not a guarantee that you'll get all the hair if you're not paying close attention?  I didn't.  I didn't have any idea until I was drying my hair one morning (after having just shaved the pits) and realized I had missed a whole section on both pits!  Whole. Sections.  Why?  Because my pits are no longer like little mounds under my arm...they are truly pits.  Go figure!

Coffee - One of the things I was concerned with prior to surgery was the ability to drink coffee post-surgery.  I'm not going to lie.  I missed coffee for a while.  Now?  I don't.  Why? I'm drinking coffee.  Not nearly as much as I use to (3/4 of a pot a day might have been excessive to begin with) but I am enjoying it one cup at a time. CME got me the family a Mr. Coffee single serve coffee brewer (Kuerig K-cup compatible) that I use daily. Love the variety and the single servings!

Clothes - had to break down and go shopping again. I had one pair of pants that actually fit.  All others were too big.  I bought mostly size 12 pants, but did find one pair of size 10 (TEN!!!) jeans that fit too.  Most shirts I wear now are a medium.  I can't wrap my brain around that size. LoL  Really!  I look at the shirt and think, "there is no way that will fit!"  But it does.  SO strange, yet SO exciting!

Weight - I've not weighed in over two weeks now.  I'm not sure why.  I don't know if I'm afraid of what the scales will say or if I'm just not as interested in the number.  (I'm thinking it's more of the fear factor.)  I plan on weighing on Sunday.  That seems to be my "weigh-in" day.

Exercise - still my nemesis.  I've not been to an exercise class in nearly 2 months. TWO. MONTHS!  I really do like the Body Pump class.  I just need to get back into the habit of going.  I've kind of fallen back into the old habit of "I'm too busy" when in all honesty, I'm choosing not to go.  This will change...I cannot do this without a consistent exercise plan.  And by do this, I mean make this a life long change, not just another temporary weight loss.  Exercise will be key!!!

Shrinkles - UGH!!!  That's what I think about that!!  The excess skin is nasty.  The droopiness of it all is frustrating.  Good thing I can hide it under clothes!

Food - I made it through the CHRISTmas holiday fairly unscathed food wise.  I made lasagna for our family gathering and ate the stuffing out of it.  I chose to avoid the noodles so I could have more of the good stuff!  A couple moments of, "I wish I could have a little of that" hit me...like the banana split cake or hot wassail my dad always makes.  But for the most part, I didn't feel cheated by not eating the other goodies... fettuccine alfredo, fudge / candies, cookies, etc.  Well, I did have 1/2 of an oatmeal cookie my sister made...she made them with Splenda.  :)  I haven't measured/journaled nearly like I should and I haven't gotten my protein in while on break this week.  Both of those need to change.  All in all, food was not a focus for me...praise God!

Rings - One of the "smaller" features for me were my hands.  At my largest, my ring fingers were a size 7.  That's not big for someone whose weight once topped 300 lbs!  (did I just admit that in writing?!)  I really didn't think I'd lose weight in my hands.  I was wrong.  A few weeks back, I went to wave at a friend and my wedding rings slid all the way to the top of my finger!  That was a clear indicator that I needed to have them re-sized!  I was amazed that my ring size is now a 5.5.  Though I could wear a 5, getting it over my knuckle was painful so I opted to go for the 5.5 so it wouldn't be uncomfortable this summer.

Reflections - literally.  Every now and again, I'll catch a reflection in a window and have to do a double take to realize that it's me.  What stands out to me are my legs.  I'm use to seeing LARGE legs in a reflection and when I see them now, it shocks me.  My legs aren't large anymore and I can even see my knee caps when I'm sitting down.  Defined kneecaps.  Crazy!

Reactions - I'm still not use to the reactions of others; people who haven't seen me in years; people who had no idea I had surgery.  I enjoy their kind words and compliments, but I find myself blushing at their "oozing" comments.  (Let me clarify that...these are comments from women! LoL)  Also, I'm sure CME is tired of some of the questions he gets asked, "What about your new skinny wife?"  "What do you think of her weight loss?"  He is so sweet in his responses, which are usually as simple as, "She's the same person to me."  or "Her weight doesn't matter to me."  He rocks.

Pictures - I've finally started to recognize differences in pictures.  Sometimes I see it when it's just me in the picture (like the one below that CME took while I was making my sister's Christmas gift) but I mainly see it when looking at pictures from this time last year.  I find it hard to look at the before pictures knowing that those are me!  I don't even recognize myself in those.  I guess I truly didn't see that version of me. 

CME - I can't blog about this journey without acknowledging the incredible love and support that I've gotten from my husband.  From the first time sitting in the informational meeting through every step of this process, he has been amazing.  He may not always understand how I feel or how some things affect me, but he has always been loving and supportive.  I am so blessed to be his wife!  143 CME!

So there's some catching up for the month.  I have said this before and I will continue to say it.  God has given me the strength to pursue this journey.  He has continued to open my eyes to His definition of healthy and He is the one who deserves the glory for the successes I've experienced.  I can't imagine how anyone goes through this life...this journey...without Him!

Now...here are some pictures to help me see the difference a year can make.  

Working on my sister's necklace

December 23, 2012

Christmas Eve 2011 - Notice me trying to "hide" behind the boys as much as possible.

With my oldest (and gbaby!)

Christmas Eve 2012 - what a difference!  Not hiding and look at how tall Parker has gotten!!

My every day hero!!!  <3

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"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14

The Difference A Year Makes

I was glancing through some old pictures and ran across some from this time last year.  Oh my!  What a difference a year makes!  I am so thankful that God gave me the courage to pursue gastric bypass surgery!

November 5, 2011

November 6, 2011

November 22, 2012

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"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14

6 Month Post Op

Yesterday marked my 6 month surgiversary and post-op appointment.  I'm happy to report I passed with flying colors!

The scale at bariatric center always weigh me about 2.5# heavier than my Wii (80# since surgery and 105# since January).  I attribute that to the clothes...vs. lack there of.  ;-)  Regardless, they were all very pleased with the weight loss so far.  MD even said, "Your weight loss is robust."  LoL.  Robust?  Okaaaaay. Since surgery, I have lost 2" from my neck, 12" from my waist and 13" from my hips.  That's a whole lotta inches!  RN joked that my BP was "up" a little at 104/70.  

On a positive note, all my lab work came back perfect.  Vitamin levels were exactly where they need to be.  All was "exactly as it's suppose to be."  Sooo, that led to the discussion of lightheadedness and sleepiness.  MD believes they both could be tied to the low blood pressure.  He told me to "top off my tanks" (with fluids).  Meaning get in closer the 80 oz of fluids a day!  Are you serious?  80 ounces???  UGH!  Ok.  I will!  Then he told me to add a little salt to my diet to help retain the fluids.  I looked at him and literally laughed out loud.  I think my exact response was, "Do you realize how that contradicts EVERY thing that I've taught myself in the past?"  He grinned and said, "A lot of what you've already done has been a contradiction to what you've taught yourself in past."  Good point.  

About the sleepiness.  We went over every lab result and there is nothing on paper to indicate why I'd be so sleepy.  I'm not anemic.  My iron level is good and my Vit D is smack dab in the middle of normal.  So, I guess it was a combination of the stress levels at work and being gone until after 9pm every night prior to leaving for the weekend trip...  I told him what I'd been eating and that I didn't feel it was anything like hypoglycemia (gotta love self-diagnosis, huh?).  He agreed though.  He told me to just keep track of it and see if it gets worse.  On paper, there's nothing that's causing it.  -shrug-  Maybe life just caught up with me???

As he was leaving the office he said, "Now, don't lose TOO much weight."  I gave him a puzzled look and said, "And just how would I control that? And what do you define as too much since you've not given me a "goal" weight?" (Love that I made him stop and sit back down!)  His reply was something to the fact that I'm still doing really well, and that if I lost 10 more pounds, he'd consider me a success.  Ten pounds?  Really?  I'm thinking 30. -shrug-  But then he went on to say pretty much what I've been thinking.  My body will eventually figure out what's "normal" for me.  If during one of my visits he feels I'm getting too low, then they'll give me information on increasing calories.  To be honest I can't even wrap my brain around that, so I'm not going to worry about it unless it becomes a problem.  I go back in three months and we'll see how things are at that time.

Had a quick chat with RD.  I've been cleared to add raw vegetables to my diet.  My volume should be about a total of 4 ounces per meal.  I'm still choosing to avoid "fillers" like pasta and rice, though they're technically allowed.  Over the next 3 months, I should gradually be able to increase my volume to 5-6 ounces...and by a year out, I should be able to eat about 1 cup of food.  

My time with LCSW was good too.  We discussed "the good, the bad and the ugly" of the last 6 months.  LOTS of goods, a couple of bads and the ugly was really just one event - the horror story from C and how I let Satan use that to make me doubt a lot!  I told her that all in all my experience has been overwhelmingly positive and that I truly believe its because the purpose of my whole journey is to bring glory to God - His transforming power to take someone like me and mold me, physically and spiritually, into the person He created me to be.  I do believe that 100%!  He continues to work IN me so that I can become who He designed.  Anyway...at the end of our time, LCSW asked if I'd be interested in possibly writing an article for the Spring newsletter - about "New Life" (or something Spring-ish related) or if I'd consider speaking at informational meetings, etc.  I told her I'd be "open" to the idea, but that I'd need to think about it and get back with her.  She was perfectly fine with that - even told me to pray about it. :)  So that's what I'm going to do.  Pray about it, decide how my story could be sent out as an encouragement to others while at the same time bringing glory to God.  Aftera all, He is THE One who deserves all the praise!
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"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14

Letting it Go

Almost a week has passed since I was "enlightened" by the horror story of an acquaintance.  I'd be lying if I'd say I'd not thought about it since.  But I have.  More than once.  Hoping to hear long-term success stories and not getting any replies here or on the forum I visit left me a little despondent.  Almost in a funk, even.  

So, I'm vowing to let it go.  As I've known from the start, everyone's experience in this journey is different.  I can't say that her story would have kept me from having the surgery myself.  So, I will continue to follow the plan.  I will continue to take my vitamins.  I will continue to exercise.  I will continue to pray for C and her struggles.  I will continue to...

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"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14