So I just got back from a week of visiting friends in Michigan where I helped teach English to non-English speaking ladies. Some of the ladies I've known for several years. In their limited English, I heard many times "You're so skinny!!!!" One of these ladies is a dear friend of mine and she even pulled some cookies out of her purse and said, "You must eat!" She went on to say, that I was skinny and she was fat. I took her face in my hands, looked her in the eyes and told her that she is beautiful! It took several times for me to say it before she finally said thank you instead of disagreeing withe me. I wish she could see herself as God sees her! I'm praying for that!
I must admit, it was really fun to see the shock on their faces, or the "Whyyyyyyyyyy????" (which I interpreted as "how") Every time I'd remind them that I was healthy and it was because of God helping me that I could lose the weight. As part of one of their end of the year celebration, all the students brought in food to share. My dear friend told me to eat a lot of the aseed. Her teenage daughter told me it was because she wanted me to get big again. She makes me laugh!!
The point of this entry is that I'm still uneasy being called skinny. I am still critical of the flaws. I look at pictures and my eyes immediately move to my problem areas. On the flip side, for those who don't see me often, I suppose I do look "so skinny" to them. Regardless, I hope I could inspire these ladies to seek God for their problems - regardless of their problem. He is the source of my strength and the reason I am able to do what I do!
________________________________________________
"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14
A-Weigh We Go
Showing posts with label Friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Friends. Show all posts
Sunday, June 30, 2013
Sunday, April 21, 2013
A Couple of Things to Share
Oh where to even start?!? A few things I wanted to get down in writing today, but I'm overly tired from a very long Saturday and the words just aren't flowing like I'd like. So I think I'm going to just makes some random paragraphs... (hey...it happens!)
"Don't lose any more weight." "You've lost too much weight." "You're too skinny." "Are you about done losing weight because you're getting too thin?!" All comments I'm hearing recently. I totally and fully understand that these comments are coming from well intended hearts. They're not criticizing, they're coming from a place of concern. Once I tell them my weight (currently 151.2) and say, "If you didn't know me and saw me, you'd not think, "oh! that girl is too skinny!" I'm at a good place. I'm at a healthy weight. Do I know if I'll lose more? No. It's not even been 12 months since surgery. There is a chance I will still lose weight. I just don't know. Regardless, I'm at a healthy spot now. What this does bring to light is that it's not only MY brain that has to be retrained on what I look like, but others' brains as well! People have only really known me 100+ heavier, so the contrast (especially for those I don't see often) is a bit alarming. The only part of this whole thing that bothers me a little is that I feel the need to explain the days I'm overly tired (like today). Looking tired probably adds to their concern. But the tiredness is not related to the weight loss - yet I feel I need to explain it. -shrug- It's okay. I know that the comments are out of love. I'm blessed!
Support group on Tuesday night was a blessing as well. My friend "M" (that I met because of this blog) was there and is looking fantastic. She looks healthy and happy and it was good to see her! It was "show and tell" night and we all got a moment to share our stories and before and after pictures if we had them. I took a few pictures...a couple from a trip to Cambodia in 2009, one from the summer before I embarked on this journey and one or two others at what was probably my very heaviest. There were reasons I chose each one...but the main reason for the Cambodia trip pictures was because it was a VERY difficult time in my life for a lot of reasons. Mentally the trip was horrible for me. Physically, not much better. There were some really good things that happened, don't get me wrong, but literally, it was the first time that I KNEW people were laughing at my weight. How did I know? Because with their pointing fingers and laughter came the words, "You so fat!" Or there was this little bitty old Cambodian lady who literally started pinching my fat rolls. It was horrifying! In their defense, I (now) know they didn't know any better. In their eyes, I must be wealthy because I had money to buy a LOT of food. I also remember feeling bad for the elephant that I rode through the jungle. I actively searched out the smallest team member to ride with hoping it would balance out the weight enough so the elephant would be ok. True story. Regardless, I look at those pictures now and realize that God has freed me from those lies. I am no longer trapped by the embarrassment and shame of obesity!
Speaking of support group - met a new friend. I'll call her "K". I loved hearing her show and tell story. She openly talked about God healing her mentally/spiritually in order for Him to heal her physically. I was beaming with excitement just hearing her speak of the power of Jesus Christ! She also believes that the bariatric center we chose is wonderful on so many levels. She calls it the "wrap around" program (or something like that) because they address every area...the surgery, the emotional/mental side, the nutrition. I have always given them a lot of credit...and rightfully so! K and I stayed around a chatted after support group was over. Wow! She's a wonderfully motivating person and I am thankful she decided to join us Tuesday night!
Temptations have been presenting themselves to me a lot lately. Maybe they're not new, maybe I'm just more aware of them the farther out from surgery that I get. Regardless they are there. Most days, I do really well in fighting them. Other days it's a struggle. (This is one thing K and I discussed.) Again, I find myself tempted to pick up old habits. In talking with K, I said something that was a revelation to me. I believe Satan would love for me to fail at this. Not only so he could whisper his nasty lies to me and hold me in bondage again, but I believe it's because I've been vocal about this being God's victory in my life. If I "fail" then people may wonder how powerful He truly is. Let me tell you this...if *I* fail, it wouldn't be because God isn't powerful. It would be because I chose to not rely on His power. There's a huge difference! For the record...I have absolutely NO intention on failing!
Part of my tiredness today is because of a very full schedule yesterday. I was up at 5:15am and left the house at 7:15am then didn't get back home until 1:30am this morning; then had to be up and out of the house by 7:00am today! Except for the hour and a half that I was home yesterday afternoon...making a chicken salad...we were on the go non-stop. Freshman Orientation for our oldest son was good for him, but a long repetitive experience for CME and me. The thing I took away this time is that the school's latest Newsweek ranking is #7 in the Nation and #1 in the Midwest. (I don't remember what it was last year...but pretty much the same!) Anyway, after that we helped finish getting things set up for the 911 Gives Hope Guns & Hoses charity boxing event happening later that night. A notable NSV for me came as I (literally) ran up the stairs at the Ford Center multiple times over the afternoon and evening...without even being out of breath! These aren't some little stairs... this is an arena... tall... lots of steps. Yeah...I did that!
Some really proud moments watching CME and our oldest walk around with their VIP Passes. It was a great bonding time for them as they were able to talk with the fighters, hear the pep talks, etc. For an almost 14 year old boy, I don't think it gets much better than to feel extra special as your dad's sidekick! For CME, I think it was a proud moment to be able to introduce our son to so many from the local police/fire/ems community. Our youngest son was camping with Scouts - so it was good one-on-one time for the oldest. After 12 rounds of police vs fire boxing, we helped tear down and count remaining merchandise. Though it was done in record time, it was approaching midnight when someone suggested we all go to Steak and Shake. Though tired, I was okay with going. These are people that CME works with as part of the 911 Gives Hope Board...and it's good to be able to sit down outside that venue and share some "friend" time.
My final thought on the night is a victory that I'm claiming! As the 15 of us are sitting around Steak and Shake, I really thought I wanted the Cheddar Scrambler. I thought I wanted eggs...and cheese...and well, it just sounded good. Know what I ordered? A banana. Yes, I went to Steak and Shake and ordered a banana while everyone else had milk shakes and burgers and fries and chili and eggs. Yes, I had two bites of CME's meal (it had eggs!), but I enjoyed my banana! It tasted good! It was a sweet victory for me - may seem like a silly thing to be excited about but I am. It's the little things that make me smile some days. Today, it's a banana...
________________________________________________
"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14
"Don't lose any more weight." "You've lost too much weight." "You're too skinny." "Are you about done losing weight because you're getting too thin?!" All comments I'm hearing recently. I totally and fully understand that these comments are coming from well intended hearts. They're not criticizing, they're coming from a place of concern. Once I tell them my weight (currently 151.2) and say, "If you didn't know me and saw me, you'd not think, "oh! that girl is too skinny!" I'm at a good place. I'm at a healthy weight. Do I know if I'll lose more? No. It's not even been 12 months since surgery. There is a chance I will still lose weight. I just don't know. Regardless, I'm at a healthy spot now. What this does bring to light is that it's not only MY brain that has to be retrained on what I look like, but others' brains as well! People have only really known me 100+ heavier, so the contrast (especially for those I don't see often) is a bit alarming. The only part of this whole thing that bothers me a little is that I feel the need to explain the days I'm overly tired (like today). Looking tired probably adds to their concern. But the tiredness is not related to the weight loss - yet I feel I need to explain it. -shrug- It's okay. I know that the comments are out of love. I'm blessed!
Support group on Tuesday night was a blessing as well. My friend "M" (that I met because of this blog) was there and is looking fantastic. She looks healthy and happy and it was good to see her! It was "show and tell" night and we all got a moment to share our stories and before and after pictures if we had them. I took a few pictures...a couple from a trip to Cambodia in 2009, one from the summer before I embarked on this journey and one or two others at what was probably my very heaviest. There were reasons I chose each one...but the main reason for the Cambodia trip pictures was because it was a VERY difficult time in my life for a lot of reasons. Mentally the trip was horrible for me. Physically, not much better. There were some really good things that happened, don't get me wrong, but literally, it was the first time that I KNEW people were laughing at my weight. How did I know? Because with their pointing fingers and laughter came the words, "You so fat!" Or there was this little bitty old Cambodian lady who literally started pinching my fat rolls. It was horrifying! In their defense, I (now) know they didn't know any better. In their eyes, I must be wealthy because I had money to buy a LOT of food. I also remember feeling bad for the elephant that I rode through the jungle. I actively searched out the smallest team member to ride with hoping it would balance out the weight enough so the elephant would be ok. True story. Regardless, I look at those pictures now and realize that God has freed me from those lies. I am no longer trapped by the embarrassment and shame of obesity!
Speaking of support group - met a new friend. I'll call her "K". I loved hearing her show and tell story. She openly talked about God healing her mentally/spiritually in order for Him to heal her physically. I was beaming with excitement just hearing her speak of the power of Jesus Christ! She also believes that the bariatric center we chose is wonderful on so many levels. She calls it the "wrap around" program (or something like that) because they address every area...the surgery, the emotional/mental side, the nutrition. I have always given them a lot of credit...and rightfully so! K and I stayed around a chatted after support group was over. Wow! She's a wonderfully motivating person and I am thankful she decided to join us Tuesday night!
Temptations have been presenting themselves to me a lot lately. Maybe they're not new, maybe I'm just more aware of them the farther out from surgery that I get. Regardless they are there. Most days, I do really well in fighting them. Other days it's a struggle. (This is one thing K and I discussed.) Again, I find myself tempted to pick up old habits. In talking with K, I said something that was a revelation to me. I believe Satan would love for me to fail at this. Not only so he could whisper his nasty lies to me and hold me in bondage again, but I believe it's because I've been vocal about this being God's victory in my life. If I "fail" then people may wonder how powerful He truly is. Let me tell you this...if *I* fail, it wouldn't be because God isn't powerful. It would be because I chose to not rely on His power. There's a huge difference! For the record...I have absolutely NO intention on failing!
Part of my tiredness today is because of a very full schedule yesterday. I was up at 5:15am and left the house at 7:15am then didn't get back home until 1:30am this morning; then had to be up and out of the house by 7:00am today! Except for the hour and a half that I was home yesterday afternoon...making a chicken salad...we were on the go non-stop. Freshman Orientation for our oldest son was good for him, but a long repetitive experience for CME and me. The thing I took away this time is that the school's latest Newsweek ranking is #7 in the Nation and #1 in the Midwest. (I don't remember what it was last year...but pretty much the same!) Anyway, after that we helped finish getting things set up for the 911 Gives Hope Guns & Hoses charity boxing event happening later that night. A notable NSV for me came as I (literally) ran up the stairs at the Ford Center multiple times over the afternoon and evening...without even being out of breath! These aren't some little stairs... this is an arena... tall... lots of steps. Yeah...I did that!
Some really proud moments watching CME and our oldest walk around with their VIP Passes. It was a great bonding time for them as they were able to talk with the fighters, hear the pep talks, etc. For an almost 14 year old boy, I don't think it gets much better than to feel extra special as your dad's sidekick! For CME, I think it was a proud moment to be able to introduce our son to so many from the local police/fire/ems community. Our youngest son was camping with Scouts - so it was good one-on-one time for the oldest. After 12 rounds of police vs fire boxing, we helped tear down and count remaining merchandise. Though it was done in record time, it was approaching midnight when someone suggested we all go to Steak and Shake. Though tired, I was okay with going. These are people that CME works with as part of the 911 Gives Hope Board...and it's good to be able to sit down outside that venue and share some "friend" time.
My final thought on the night is a victory that I'm claiming! As the 15 of us are sitting around Steak and Shake, I really thought I wanted the Cheddar Scrambler. I thought I wanted eggs...and cheese...and well, it just sounded good. Know what I ordered? A banana. Yes, I went to Steak and Shake and ordered a banana while everyone else had milk shakes and burgers and fries and chili and eggs. Yes, I had two bites of CME's meal (it had eggs!), but I enjoyed my banana! It tasted good! It was a sweet victory for me - may seem like a silly thing to be excited about but I am. It's the little things that make me smile some days. Today, it's a banana...
________________________________________________
"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
God Works Differently in Everyone's Life
I’ve spent the majority of my life being judged; if not by
others, then by my own thoughts and perceptions. I recently read something that made me
realize that there is still a huge misconception and judgmental attitude about
weight loss surgery. One of the reasons
that I started this blog was to help others overcome some of that mindset. Has it worked? Maybe.
Do I think more can be done?
Absolutely.
So let me see if I can put into words what I feel needs to
be said.
First let me address those of us who have had weight loss
surgery or are researching the idea. Kudos!
Hold your head high. More than likely,
you have not gone into this without a lot of thought and consideration and
hopefully a lot of prayer. Those outside
looking in at WLS patients truly may not understand the circumstances which
have led you to this decision or the WLS process involved. Show
them grace - even if it stings to read/hear their opinion! Focus on you and you journey and be proud
that you are taking steps necessary to overcome your food addiction and embrace a healthy lifestyle. Focus on God and what He has in store for your
life. Follow the plans – both your
bariatric center’s plan and God’s plan.
Make this journey a healthy journey.
Grow deeper emotionally to be able to make the changes that are necessary
for long term success. You deserve it!
On to those who have lost weight without having weight loss
surgery (or have never struggled with your weight to begin with)… Kudos! Congratulations on your success! I honestly celebrate your success with you! Here’s where this may get a little close to
stepping on toes, but I hope you’ll hear me out on this topic. Your journey is your journey. Please do not assume that people who have
chosen to have weight loss surgery have found a gimmick or easy way out or that
we can’t enjoy the same personal satisfaction or joy because we chose to have
surgery. Joy comes from the Lord – not through weight loss, regardless of how
each of us loses the extra pounds! Please
educate yourself before you make assumptions.
There is nothing easy about weight loss surgery. It is a tool that some decide to use to get
healthy. Please do not judge another’s
journey to better health. Instead,
celebrate with them (us) their desire and hard work for a healthier life.
For both groups of people – find ways to be an encouragement. Use kind and uplifting words. Don’t judge others’ choices. Be an advocate of seeing ourselves as our God
sees us – fearfully and wonderfully made! Rejoice in the strength the Lord has given
you to even take the first step.
To my family and friends: I could not be more blessed! The unending love and support that you have
shown me throughout this process does not go unnoticed. Your words of encouragement, hugs, and love
make me realize that God does a much better job of selecting my friends than I
do! LOL (no, really!)
He has placed a remarkable network of people in my life and I am forever
grateful.
________________________________________________
"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14
Saturday, March 2, 2013
Saturday NSV
It's been a very long day. I forgot how tiresome it is to help friends move. Our day started by me fixing a pretty tasty breakfast for the family (if I do say so myself) of miniature baked egg omelets. I didn't take a picture, but CME said it was definitely picture worthy. Super simple using a sprayed muffin pan, thin-sliced deli ham used like pan liners, onions, tomato and cheese, then egg beaters and a dash of coarse black pepper and sea salt. Baked them at 400 for 25 minutes, served with a side of banana and voila! Yummy!!
CME, the boys and I arrived at my friend's house a little before 10am. and wow was there a lot to be done. I am so proud of how the boys kept moving and worked really REALLY hard today. Lifting, carrying, helping. Whatever it was they needed to do, they did it. My NSV came in to play when I realized that I went up and down the basement steps repeatedly (no clue how many times, but would say at least a couple dozen is not an exaggeration between the two homes) with no pain in my knees and no huffing and puffing! I know it doesn't count necessarily as "exercise" but yeah...I claim the victory of the moment! I was carrying boxes that some of the other women deemed too heavy for them. Though they were worried that they were too heavy for me, truly it was a non issue. This same time last year, I could have never been the help that my friend needed! This is another way God is using this journey - to help me be healthy so that I can help others! We had to leave at 3pm to get the boys off to a Scout event even though the move wasn't completed yet - it really has been a long day!
To top it off, our youngest son was wearing a pair of jeans that we bought him last summer. I had to repeatedly remind him to pull them up because I could nearly see his (underwear covered) butt cheeks! It's another NSV of sorts for me...that our whole family seems to be getting healthier! Win/win!!
Now off to other friends' for a Saladmaster dinner show. I know CME is tired and sore. I so appreciate him and his willingness to help friends...no matter what the event!
________________________________________________
"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14
CME, the boys and I arrived at my friend's house a little before 10am. and wow was there a lot to be done. I am so proud of how the boys kept moving and worked really REALLY hard today. Lifting, carrying, helping. Whatever it was they needed to do, they did it. My NSV came in to play when I realized that I went up and down the basement steps repeatedly (no clue how many times, but would say at least a couple dozen is not an exaggeration between the two homes) with no pain in my knees and no huffing and puffing! I know it doesn't count necessarily as "exercise" but yeah...I claim the victory of the moment! I was carrying boxes that some of the other women deemed too heavy for them. Though they were worried that they were too heavy for me, truly it was a non issue. This same time last year, I could have never been the help that my friend needed! This is another way God is using this journey - to help me be healthy so that I can help others! We had to leave at 3pm to get the boys off to a Scout event even though the move wasn't completed yet - it really has been a long day!
To top it off, our youngest son was wearing a pair of jeans that we bought him last summer. I had to repeatedly remind him to pull them up because I could nearly see his (underwear covered) butt cheeks! It's another NSV of sorts for me...that our whole family seems to be getting healthier! Win/win!!
Now off to other friends' for a Saladmaster dinner show. I know CME is tired and sore. I so appreciate him and his willingness to help friends...no matter what the event!
________________________________________________
"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
God Has Blessed Me
God has blessed me with the sweetest friends. Friends from decades ago, friends from a few years ago and friends from just a few weeks ago. My support network is beyond amazing with reminders that even though I'm still being vain in my thoughts about the extra skin He is gracious and may surprise me. Friends who send me ideas on how to handle my TMI issue and reminders to get it documented. Then tonight, I had the pleasure of meeting a new friend God put in my life through this blog. We got to share a seat together and she brought me the sweetest gifts!!! I am so grateful for the people God has chosen to put around me. He does a much better job of picking my friends than I used to!
________________________________________________
"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14
 |
| Sweet gift from my new friend! |
 |
| Love the Friendship Willow Tree Angel and candle! and PB2! and Lady Anti Monkey Butt!!! |
________________________________________________
"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Balance
One of those things that can annoy the living daylights out of people is when the person who has quit <insert vice here> all of the sudden thinks they're the expert and tries to "help" others with the same problem.
I've recently noticed that I have become the person that watches what others eat. Odd thing is that I seem to be focusing on people that I know have had gastric bypass surgery as well as on my family members. I couldn't tell you what my friends ate at lunch on Thursday ...well, except the one who needs (for medical reasons) to watch her sodium intake. But I really didn't even "police" her food. However, if I see a co-worker that had surgery, I look to see what they're eating. Is it healthy? Is it the right quantity for how far out post-op they are? Does it meet "my" guidelines? And since I still want to be open, honest and transparent here, I must admit that I sometimes realize that I'm being judgmental of their decisions. Thoughts like, "Oh my gosh! Are you kidding me? That is soooooooo not appropriate to be eating at x months out." or "Oh my! I don't think s/he should be eating that. It's got WAY too many sugars." or even "Wow. No way will I eat that when my body adapts and there's not as much of a chance to get sick..." Same when I hear someone say "I don't dump." What?! How do you know you don't dump? Have you intentionally tried to get sick by eating too many sugars? Who on earth would do that?? WHY would you do that?
Here's the deal. I have struggled for so long that I truly want to help others be healthier. I want them to experience days of not feeling the burden of the excess weight. I want them to take care of their bodies. I want them to enjoy life and see food as I'm seeing it for the first time - as a necessary ingredient to live - like manna was for Moses and the Israelites. Don't confuse that statement by thinking that I don't want food to be enjoyed or tasty. That's not what I'm saying at all. I'm saying I want it to be treated as how it was intended - for survival, nothing more.
So I have become "that" person. The one who tries to talk her relative out of purchasing something that wouldn't be suited well for diabetics. I've been the mom who has to talk to her growing 13 year old son about what's healthy snacking and how the habits he's forming now will follow (and possibly haunt) him as an adult. I've been the mom who is really trying to get her children to eat proper portions of healthy foods. It's a struggle some days. I want the kids to know that sometimes a snack is okay; eating 5 chocolate coconut chewy bars in 2 days is not okay and that a serving of orange juice is not a 20 ounce glass. The whole "Eat This Not That" burden seems heavy for me some days. I know it's not my role for everyone in my life, but I do feel some sense of duty to at least try to teach my family.
The intention is good, but I really need to find a good balance between educating others and being a food Nazi.
________________________________________________
"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14
I've recently noticed that I have become the person that watches what others eat. Odd thing is that I seem to be focusing on people that I know have had gastric bypass surgery as well as on my family members. I couldn't tell you what my friends ate at lunch on Thursday ...well, except the one who needs (for medical reasons) to watch her sodium intake. But I really didn't even "police" her food. However, if I see a co-worker that had surgery, I look to see what they're eating. Is it healthy? Is it the right quantity for how far out post-op they are? Does it meet "my" guidelines? And since I still want to be open, honest and transparent here, I must admit that I sometimes realize that I'm being judgmental of their decisions. Thoughts like, "Oh my gosh! Are you kidding me? That is soooooooo not appropriate to be eating at x months out." or "Oh my! I don't think s/he should be eating that. It's got WAY too many sugars." or even "Wow. No way will I eat that when my body adapts and there's not as much of a chance to get sick..." Same when I hear someone say "I don't dump." What?! How do you know you don't dump? Have you intentionally tried to get sick by eating too many sugars? Who on earth would do that?? WHY would you do that?
Here's the deal. I have struggled for so long that I truly want to help others be healthier. I want them to experience days of not feeling the burden of the excess weight. I want them to take care of their bodies. I want them to enjoy life and see food as I'm seeing it for the first time - as a necessary ingredient to live - like manna was for Moses and the Israelites. Don't confuse that statement by thinking that I don't want food to be enjoyed or tasty. That's not what I'm saying at all. I'm saying I want it to be treated as how it was intended - for survival, nothing more.
So I have become "that" person. The one who tries to talk her relative out of purchasing something that wouldn't be suited well for diabetics. I've been the mom who has to talk to her growing 13 year old son about what's healthy snacking and how the habits he's forming now will follow (and possibly haunt) him as an adult. I've been the mom who is really trying to get her children to eat proper portions of healthy foods. It's a struggle some days. I want the kids to know that sometimes a snack is okay; eating 5 chocolate coconut chewy bars in 2 days is not okay and that a serving of orange juice is not a 20 ounce glass. The whole "Eat This Not That" burden seems heavy for me some days. I know it's not my role for everyone in my life, but I do feel some sense of duty to at least try to teach my family.
The intention is good, but I really need to find a good balance between educating others and being a food Nazi.
________________________________________________
"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14
Friday, December 28, 2012
Thoughts and such...
So let me try to remember things I wanted to say...
The Pits - I was struggling. Really. Did you know that armpits (ha! fooled ya!) are concave and that when you shave them, it's not a guarantee that you'll get all the hair if you're not paying close attention? I didn't. I didn't have any idea until I was drying my hair one morning (after having just shaved the pits) and realized I had missed a whole section on both pits! Whole. Sections. Why? Because my pits are no longer like little mounds under my arm...they are truly pits. Go figure!
Coffee - One of the things I was concerned with prior to surgery was the ability to drink coffee post-surgery. I'm not going to lie. I missed coffee for a while. Now? I don't. Why? I'm drinking coffee. Not nearly as much as I use to (3/4 of a pot a day might have been excessive to begin with) but I am enjoying it one cup at a time. CME got
Clothes - had to break down and go shopping again. I had one pair of pants that actually fit. All others were too big. I bought mostly size 12 pants, but did find one pair of size 10 (TEN!!!) jeans that fit too. Most shirts I wear now are a medium. I can't wrap my brain around that size. LoL Really! I look at the shirt and think, "there is no way that will fit!" But it does. SO strange, yet SO exciting!
Weight - I've not weighed in over two weeks now. I'm not sure why. I don't know if I'm afraid of what the scales will say or if I'm just not as interested in the number. (I'm thinking it's more of the fear factor.) I plan on weighing on Sunday. That seems to be my "weigh-in" day.
Exercise - still my nemesis. I've not been to an exercise class in nearly 2 months. TWO. MONTHS! I really do like the Body Pump class. I just need to get back into the habit of going. I've kind of fallen back into the old habit of "I'm too busy" when in all honesty, I'm choosing not to go. This will change...I cannot do this without a consistent exercise plan. And by do this, I mean make this a life long change, not just another temporary weight loss. Exercise will be key!!!
Shrinkles - UGH!!! That's what I think about that!! The excess skin is nasty. The droopiness of it all is frustrating. Good thing I can hide it under clothes!
Food - I made it through the CHRISTmas holiday fairly unscathed food wise. I made lasagna for our family gathering and ate the stuffing out of it. I chose to avoid the noodles so I could have more of the good stuff! A couple moments of, "I wish I could have a little of that" hit me...like the banana split cake or hot wassail my dad always makes. But for the most part, I didn't feel cheated by not eating the other goodies... fettuccine alfredo, fudge / candies, cookies, etc. Well, I did have 1/2 of an oatmeal cookie my sister made...she made them with Splenda. :) I haven't measured/journaled nearly like I should and I haven't gotten my protein in while on break this week. Both of those need to change. All in all, food was not a focus for me...praise God!
Rings - One of the "smaller" features for me were my hands. At my largest, my ring fingers were a size 7. That's not big for someone whose weight once topped 300 lbs! (did I just admit that in writing?!) I really didn't think I'd lose weight in my hands. I was wrong. A few weeks back, I went to wave at a friend and my wedding rings slid all the way to the top of my finger! That was a clear indicator that I needed to have them re-sized! I was amazed that my ring size is now a 5.5. Though I could wear a 5, getting it over my knuckle was painful so I opted to go for the 5.5 so it wouldn't be uncomfortable this summer.
Reflections - literally. Every now and again, I'll catch a reflection in a window and have to do a double take to realize that it's me. What stands out to me are my legs. I'm use to seeing LARGE legs in a reflection and when I see them now, it shocks me. My legs aren't large anymore and I can even see my knee caps when I'm sitting down. Defined kneecaps. Crazy!
Reactions - I'm still not use to the reactions of others; people who haven't seen me in years; people who had no idea I had surgery. I enjoy their kind words and compliments, but I find myself blushing at their "oozing" comments. (Let me clarify that...these are comments from women! LoL) Also, I'm sure CME is tired of some of the questions he gets asked, "What about your new skinny wife?" "What do you think of her weight loss?" He is so sweet in his responses, which are usually as simple as, "She's the same person to me." or "Her weight doesn't matter to me." He rocks.
Pictures - I've finally started to recognize differences in pictures. Sometimes I see it when it's just me in the picture (like the one below that CME took while I was making my sister's Christmas gift) but I mainly see it when looking at pictures from this time last year. I find it hard to look at the before pictures knowing that those are me! I don't even recognize myself in those. I guess I truly didn't see that version of me.
CME - I can't blog about this journey without acknowledging the incredible love and support that I've gotten from my husband. From the first time sitting in the informational meeting through every step of this process, he has been amazing. He may not always understand how I feel or how some things affect me, but he has always been loving and supportive. I am so blessed to be his wife! 143 CME!
So there's some catching up for the month. I have said this before and I will continue to say it. God has given me the strength to pursue this journey. He has continued to open my eyes to His definition of healthy and He is the one who deserves the glory for the successes I've experienced. I can't imagine how anyone goes through this life...this journey...without Him!
Now...here are some pictures to help me see the difference a year can make.
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| Working on my sister's necklace |
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| December 23, 2012 |
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| Christmas Eve 2011 - Notice me trying to "hide" behind the boys as much as possible. |
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| With my oldest (and gbaby!) |
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| Christmas Eve 2012 - what a difference! Not hiding and look at how tall Parker has gotten!! |
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| My every day hero!!! <3 |
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"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14
One Year Blogiversary!
One year ago today, I started this blog. I've spent this morning re-reading each entry...yes all 146 of them! Wow has this journey been filled with ups and downs! Seems like some of the hardest times were pre-surgery though. Remembering where I was in the down times was a bit difficult, but reading the NSVs (especially the one where my son noted he could put his arms around me!!!) and seeing the faithfulness of God has been quite inspiring! So Happy Blogiversary to me!!!
Thank you for the support you've shown this past year. Your comments, emails, texts and conversations have meant more than I can express. God has provided me with an incredible support network and I am truly blessed by you all!
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"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14
Thank you for the support you've shown this past year. Your comments, emails, texts and conversations have meant more than I can express. God has provided me with an incredible support network and I am truly blessed by you all!
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"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Hello December!
I can't believe it's December already. Really, I can't! A full week into the month already and I don't even know how the past 7 months have gone by so quickly. I can only imagine how quickly this month is going to go considering how busy it will be. I need to consciously choose to slow down and enjoy the CHRISTmas season, otherwise it will blow past me almost unnoticed...
Anyway, let me see if I can give a few quick updates. (Okay, so this may not be quick...we will see!)
After the sports bra mishap, I did go buy a new one. Tried it out this week and I can say that "the girls" didn't even try to escape. That'll teach 'em! I also must admit that I am not liking the running thing at all. I think I used the word "loathe" in describing it to Missy. For any of you who are runners...good for you! I still plan on jogging to the best of my ability on Saturday - my son deserves my effort especially since we really had to encourage him to run cross country. Please pray that I go into it with a positive mind and not dreading it and grudgingly doing it like I'm thinking as I type this.
I also purchased new underwear. (Sorry if that's TMI too!) I really didn't know what size to get, so I guessed. When I got home, I pulled them out of the package and looked at them with the 'there is no way I'll ever fit into those!' look. CME and I cracked up!! Now, their elasticity helps, I'm sure, but they fit! They fit well, actually. And they are a fraction of the pair I pulled out from the dresser to compare them with. Honest!! If I didn't think that guys read this blog, I'd probably even post a picture of the comparison...but that's way out of my comfort zone for mixed company!
I had lunch this past week with a friend from my past. We hadn't seen each other in a couple of years. She had no idea I had gastric bypass surgery. When she entered the restaurant, I had to get up to greet her because she had no idea who I was. It was GREAT! She is still the positive and encouraging friend that I knew back when. We got to catch up on a lot and I was able to share how this journey is more than weight loss for me, but that it is a transformation inside and out that God is orchestrating. She reminded me of something I said to her probably close to 20 years ago. I had left a Weight Watchers meeting and told her one of the things that was shared: What I sneak and eat today, the world will see tomorrow. I couldn't believe she remembered that, because I had obviously forgotten it over the years! Regardless, she was so happy for me and so encouraging. Love that lady!
Oh yeah, I had forgotten to blog about this experience, but since I want this blog to be about all aspects of this, I need to confess that some habits die hard. A couple of weekends ago, I was home alone. Working from home actually. MULTIPLE times that day I found myself wandering into the kitchen, opening the refrigerator repeatedly; looking around and closing it. Probably the sixth or seventh time I did that it hit me. "WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING? YOU'RE NOT HUNGRY! GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN!" Now the good thing is that we hadn't been to the grocery store yet and there was nothing healthy for me to snack on so I didn't eat anything. That alone is a victory, but what if there had been something I could eat? I would have been grazing...even if it's healthy food, grazing is NOT a healthy habit. I had fallen prey to one of those "trigger" situations from my past. Alone. Bored. I am so grateful that I did finally realize the pattern. It serves as a good reminder that I still don't have this whole thing conquered. I will have to be aware at all times.
Shrimp. It's something that I never really ate. It's now something I'm searching for when eating out. CME and I had a date night and went to Applebee's. I have decided that I really like their grilled jalapeno-lime shrimp from their Weight Watchers menu. I didn't eat the rice (still don't like to fill up on rice when the other really yummy stuff is better for me anyway!) and had about 1/2 cup of the shrimp and the leftovers for lunch the next day. I like shrimp. Who'da thunk it?
Those are my updates for now. Now, needing to put that whole "slow down and enjoy the season" thought into action because after all Jesus is the reason for the season and so deserves all my attention. Hoping you can enjoy this CHRISTmas season as well!
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"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14
Anyway, let me see if I can give a few quick updates. (Okay, so this may not be quick...we will see!)
After the sports bra mishap, I did go buy a new one. Tried it out this week and I can say that "the girls" didn't even try to escape. That'll teach 'em! I also must admit that I am not liking the running thing at all. I think I used the word "loathe" in describing it to Missy. For any of you who are runners...good for you! I still plan on jogging to the best of my ability on Saturday - my son deserves my effort especially since we really had to encourage him to run cross country. Please pray that I go into it with a positive mind and not dreading it and grudgingly doing it like I'm thinking as I type this.
I also purchased new underwear. (Sorry if that's TMI too!) I really didn't know what size to get, so I guessed. When I got home, I pulled them out of the package and looked at them with the 'there is no way I'll ever fit into those!' look. CME and I cracked up!! Now, their elasticity helps, I'm sure, but they fit! They fit well, actually. And they are a fraction of the pair I pulled out from the dresser to compare them with. Honest!! If I didn't think that guys read this blog, I'd probably even post a picture of the comparison...but that's way out of my comfort zone for mixed company!
I had lunch this past week with a friend from my past. We hadn't seen each other in a couple of years. She had no idea I had gastric bypass surgery. When she entered the restaurant, I had to get up to greet her because she had no idea who I was. It was GREAT! She is still the positive and encouraging friend that I knew back when. We got to catch up on a lot and I was able to share how this journey is more than weight loss for me, but that it is a transformation inside and out that God is orchestrating. She reminded me of something I said to her probably close to 20 years ago. I had left a Weight Watchers meeting and told her one of the things that was shared: What I sneak and eat today, the world will see tomorrow. I couldn't believe she remembered that, because I had obviously forgotten it over the years! Regardless, she was so happy for me and so encouraging. Love that lady!
Oh yeah, I had forgotten to blog about this experience, but since I want this blog to be about all aspects of this, I need to confess that some habits die hard. A couple of weekends ago, I was home alone. Working from home actually. MULTIPLE times that day I found myself wandering into the kitchen, opening the refrigerator repeatedly; looking around and closing it. Probably the sixth or seventh time I did that it hit me. "WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING? YOU'RE NOT HUNGRY! GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN!" Now the good thing is that we hadn't been to the grocery store yet and there was nothing healthy for me to snack on so I didn't eat anything. That alone is a victory, but what if there had been something I could eat? I would have been grazing...even if it's healthy food, grazing is NOT a healthy habit. I had fallen prey to one of those "trigger" situations from my past. Alone. Bored. I am so grateful that I did finally realize the pattern. It serves as a good reminder that I still don't have this whole thing conquered. I will have to be aware at all times.
Shrimp. It's something that I never really ate. It's now something I'm searching for when eating out. CME and I had a date night and went to Applebee's. I have decided that I really like their grilled jalapeno-lime shrimp from their Weight Watchers menu. I didn't eat the rice (still don't like to fill up on rice when the other really yummy stuff is better for me anyway!) and had about 1/2 cup of the shrimp and the leftovers for lunch the next day. I like shrimp. Who'da thunk it?
Those are my updates for now. Now, needing to put that whole "slow down and enjoy the season" thought into action because after all Jesus is the reason for the season and so deserves all my attention. Hoping you can enjoy this CHRISTmas season as well!
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"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Missy and the 5ks
My friend, Missy, has been such an encouragement to me. Our friendship started because of some similar circumstances, but life has changed and so has the reason we remain friends. Missy is the reason I started walking in 5k races. She's been my walking partner and the one who keeps me interested in exercise. Today, we walked in the Warhol'n It! 5K to benefit our local museum. Perfect weather (though the wind surely made us slower than we otherwise would have been!) and great company. My chip didn't register, so I don't have my official time, but the app on Missy's phone showed us completing each mile in an average of 13:39 minutes. No, we're not speed demons (blame the wind), but each time we've walked, we've increased our pace and that's perfectly fine by me!
What I know about Missy is that her goal in life is to be a positive influence on people. She has definitely been one in my life. I'm so incredibly blessed that God placed her in my life!
What's wrong with this picture??? These were the "refreshments" after the 5K walk. Yes, they had fruit too...but really?!?!
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"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14
What I know about Missy is that her goal in life is to be a positive influence on people. She has definitely been one in my life. I'm so incredibly blessed that God placed her in my life!
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| Warhol'n It! |
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| Museum 5K girls! |
What's wrong with this picture??? These were the "refreshments" after the 5K walk. Yes, they had fruit too...but really?!?!
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| Fail!! |
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"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Brain Game
It's common, or so I'm told. My brain doesn't see the truth. I suppose for years I didn't really see how incredibly obese I was. Now, I struggle to see a difference in the mirror...even in pictures I can't quite grasp the difference. Yet, I am 100 pounds lighter. I am wearing mostly large tops as opposed to XXXL and my 16 pants are baggy when I use to wear 28 pants that were tight.
A couple of weeks ago, my friend Missy loaded me up with three bags full of clothes...mostly large tops. I loved them, but wasn't expecting them to fit. Most did. This past weekend, my sweet friend Randee convinced me to try on a shirt that she bought for her. She's very fit, and I was convinced there was no way it would fit. I thought it was tight, all the ladies there told me it fit. (I was actually kind of embarrassed by all the attention I got about it!) Granted, it would have looked much different on her. CME bought me a nice sweater...again, a large...I wasn't sure that it fit well...seemed a bit snug. I've been told otherwise (by CME and my friend Macie!). I can wrap a normal size towel around me.. Yet, even when I see the pictures I don't see the drastic change everyone is talking about. How messed up is that?
It sounds bad, but I am starting to understand how anorexics see themselves. They look in a mirror and see fat. I'm still seeing fat, folks. Really I am. I see the same person from this time last year. Thankfully I have a wonderful support team of friends and family that I know will help me see the reality, even if my brain continues to distort it. Mary and Randee have already addressed the "that's too thin" issue when I thought I still needed to lose 50#. CME is incredibly supportive and someone today even said, "You look so different...you look like a little kid now!" (Not sure exactly what that meant, but ok!) I'm so thankful that God has placed so many amazing friends in my life! Add that to my amazing family and I couldn't be more blessed!
So, in order to try to "see" clearly, I'm going to upload some comparison pictures...
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"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14
A couple of weeks ago, my friend Missy loaded me up with three bags full of clothes...mostly large tops. I loved them, but wasn't expecting them to fit. Most did. This past weekend, my sweet friend Randee convinced me to try on a shirt that she bought for her. She's very fit, and I was convinced there was no way it would fit. I thought it was tight, all the ladies there told me it fit. (I was actually kind of embarrassed by all the attention I got about it!) Granted, it would have looked much different on her. CME bought me a nice sweater...again, a large...I wasn't sure that it fit well...seemed a bit snug. I've been told otherwise (by CME and my friend Macie!). I can wrap a normal size towel around me.. Yet, even when I see the pictures I don't see the drastic change everyone is talking about. How messed up is that?
It sounds bad, but I am starting to understand how anorexics see themselves. They look in a mirror and see fat. I'm still seeing fat, folks. Really I am. I see the same person from this time last year. Thankfully I have a wonderful support team of friends and family that I know will help me see the reality, even if my brain continues to distort it. Mary and Randee have already addressed the "that's too thin" issue when I thought I still needed to lose 50#. CME is incredibly supportive and someone today even said, "You look so different...you look like a little kid now!" (Not sure exactly what that meant, but ok!) I'm so thankful that God has placed so many amazing friends in my life! Add that to my amazing family and I couldn't be more blessed!
So, in order to try to "see" clearly, I'm going to upload some comparison pictures...
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| January 20 - October 30 Sweater compliments of CME |
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| Where I see the most difference. |
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| Randee's top on a very tired and embarrassed me! |
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| My Colts fleece from Missy and my 12-14 athletic pants. |
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"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14
Friday, October 12, 2012
Better with a Friend
I'm happy to report that I didn't have one lightheaded episode during my Body Pump class last night! I did some things differently yesterday - like drinking a giganto bottle (1 liter) of Propel Zero (which I'm sure upped my blood pressure a bit with all the sodium) prior to class; went from lying to standing up slower than I have been; made sure that I had some carbs about 30 minutes before class; sipped my water during class. All in all, it was a good workout! I know that I work harder if I go to class in the evenings. I just don't like to be all sweaty and stuff heading back to work after the noon class. -shrug- Anyway, the best part of class last night was that my friend, Missy, went too! We're going to try to keep each other accountable with our exercise. She's going to encourage me to do more cardio and I'm going to encourage her to do more weight training! Exercise is just better with a friend! Thanks, Missy!
Oh...and bonus? Missy cleaned out her closet and gave me three big sacks full of clothes! Some I can wear now (wore one of the shirts today even)...some will be good for Spring. I seriously have the best friends!
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"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14
Oh...and bonus? Missy cleaned out her closet and gave me three big sacks full of clothes! Some I can wear now (wore one of the shirts today even)...some will be good for Spring. I seriously have the best friends!
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"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Another NSV!
Yep...had one today! My friend Missy and I finished another 5k! Though the temp was only in the mid-upper 80s...it was HUMID and it felt like 100! That being said, according to the app on her phone, we walked slightly farther than a 5k (3.28 miles) in 52:41 minutes...or an average of 16:02 mins per mile / 3.74 miles per hour. I went back and compared it to the last two 5k races I've walked and the difference is phenomenal! I suppose I should wait for the "official" race results, but I don't care what they say. I'm going by what's on the app (because the proof is in the pictures!).
My 5k Race Results:
June 21 - finished in 1:01:24 - avg 19:45 min/mile - 3.03 mph
July 4 - finished in 56:31 - avg 18:11 min/mile - 3.29 mph
Aug 4 - finished in 52:41 - avg 16:02 min/mile (3.28 miles) - 3.74 mph
Update: Official time from the Y: 52:28 - avg 16:53 min/mile - 3.55 mph
Sure, the official results will be slightly different, but even if they are I'm sure I've taken at least another minute per mile off my speed! That, my friends, is a huge NSV!!!
One of the best parts about this is that I've got friends like Missy who walk with me. I'm sure her pace by herself would be quicker, but she stays back with me and is an encouragement the whole time. She doesn't make me feel like I'm holding her back and she makes sure I'm doing well. Missy is a blessing from God ...how are paths crossed is crazy, but I am sooooooo thankful they did!
Here's to another NSV and here's to friends like Missy!!!!
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"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14
My 5k Race Results:
June 21 - finished in 1:01:24 - avg 19:45 min/mile - 3.03 mph
July 4 - finished in 56:31 - avg 18:11 min/mile - 3.29 mph
Aug 4 - finished in 52:41 - avg 16:02 min/mile (3.28 miles) - 3.74 mph
Update: Official time from the Y: 52:28 - avg 16:53 min/mile - 3.55 mph
Sure, the official results will be slightly different, but even if they are I'm sure I've taken at least another minute per mile off my speed! That, my friends, is a huge NSV!!!
One of the best parts about this is that I've got friends like Missy who walk with me. I'm sure her pace by herself would be quicker, but she stays back with me and is an encouragement the whole time. She doesn't make me feel like I'm holding her back and she makes sure I'm doing well. Missy is a blessing from God ...how are paths crossed is crazy, but I am sooooooo thankful they did!
Here's to another NSV and here's to friends like Missy!!!!
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"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14
Sunday, June 24, 2012
We Did It!
We did it! The 5K went down without incident! I had to get past my head to remember that this time 6 months ago I wouldn't have even thought about signing up for a 5K, so I shouldn't be so concerned about how "fast" (a term used VERY loosely here!) I was walking. I did what I could do and I finished! I don't know our official time, but I know it was around one hour.
My only "mistake" was that I drank all my water before the race started because I thought I was smarter than MD. Figured if I'd drink it up front then I'd be well hydrated throughout. Although I don't know the exact temp when we were walking, it was well in the mid-80s. By mile one I was really hoping for a water station on the path. But there wasn't one until about mile 2 ... and then again at mile 2.5 or so. So I took some water at both stations and kept walking! I wasn't dehydrated by the end, but know that next time (yes, there will be a next time...planning a July 4 walk!) I'll listen. Why am I so stubborn some times?? :) Bonus: M and I had some great conversations as well! Oh...and I got a t-shirt!
Then there was Mary. M and I had noticed Mary in the walk. M mentioned that she wants to be like Mary when she grows up - still active and still out walking 5Ks. We cheered Mary on as she crossed the finish line. M told her about our earlier conversation and Mary said something to the effect that she'll be 80 in August and she walks every day. How amazing is that? By golly if an almost-80 year old woman can walk these 5Ks, then there is no reason I can't!
So what do I need to do before the next one? Walk more to get prepared. Get better walking shoes. Walk more. Walk more. Walk more. (see a pattern here?)
I'm so thankful for my friend! For her desire to be healthy and for her prompting me to walk in this 5K. For her heart. I'm thankful her friendship and support!!
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| My official 5K racers bib! |
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| Still smiling at the end of the race. |
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| The front of my awesome t-shirt. |
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"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14
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