I like to cook...Really?!

Recently, our lives have been very busy. Travel, summer schedules, etc. I found that we were eating out a lot. And by a lot I mean almost every dinner! Lots of problems with that - not only does it impact our finances, but the choices are just not as healthy. 

In talking with CME, I told him that I actually missed cooking. Really?!! Yes! I did.  

Yesterday was my son's birthday and when he asked for spaghetti squash Pad Thai I was excited! Woo hoo! My 15-year-old requesting home cooked healthy food - that is a victory!

Coconut Tilapia

I've mentioned my love of shrimp...and coconut...and PB2.  I found this recipe that I adapted to use my PB2 and yum-o!  It's not shrimp, but seafood in general seems to call my name any more.  I don't want my blog to turn in to a cookbook, but gosh darn it, I'm excited that there are tasty things I can eat that are nutritious!  The family enjoyed it too - which again is just icing on the cake (should I even use that expression?!).  

Ingredients:
6-8 tilapia fillets

Dipping Mixture:
1 egg
1/4 cup water
1/3 cup cornstarch

Coconut Coating:
2 cups coconut flakes
1/2 teaspoon curry powder
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
1/2 teaspoon paprika

Peanut Sauce (this is the modified version using PB2)
2 tablespoons PB2 (reconstituted with water)
3 tablespoons curry sauce
2 teaspoons minced garlic
1/4 teaspoon lime juice
1/4 teaspoon red chili pepper flakes
1/2 teaspoon soy sauce
1 pinch ginger
1 pinch sage
1/2 teaspoon brown sugar Splenda

Directions:

1. Coat baking dish with either cooking spray or coconut oil so the fish doesn't stick to the dish.  (I used coconut oil)
2. In a wide bowl/container, mix coconut flakes, curry powder, garlic powder and paprika (set aside)
3. In a small bowl, mix egg, water and corn starch
4. Dip the tilapia fillets in the egg mixture.
5. Coat the fillets thoroughly with the coconut flake mixture - especially along the top.
6. Once all fillets are in place, spread remaining coconut flakes on top and then drizzle any remaining egg mixture over the fillets.
7. Bake the tilapia fillets at 350 degrees for 12-14 minutes (until the fish is fully white and flaky)
8. While tilapia is baking, make the peanut sauce.  Mix all of the ingredients listed above.  Vary ingredient amounts based on your tastes. 
9. Once fillets are ready, broil them just a few minutes until the coconut turns golden.
10. Serve the fillets on a plate with the peanut sauce on the side.  (We put ours directly on the fish!)

I didn't take a picture of our dinner, but the one below is pretty much how it looked.  Anyway, I'm finding it fun (gasp!) to cook anymore.  That alone is a NSV!  LoL

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"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14

Food, Thoughts, and What Nots...

There's been a lot swirling around in my brain lately.  So it's time to get some of it out.  (This usually means I have no idea what's going to leave my fingertips, nor how much...this might be a long entry!)

Food  
It's funny how I (we) cook more now than I did before. I cook for dinner and the boys lunches and for special events.  It seems like I'm constantly cooking.  What's even funnier?  I don't seem to mind!  For those of you who have known me for a while, you know that's a big deal.  And if you don't know, just ask CME.  He jokes (though it's not really a joke) that if I had my druthers I'd eat out all the time.  While that's been the case a lot, I'm actually getting to a point where I like to cook. Yes, some days I'm too tired to really put much effort into the whole thing, but I like looking for healthy ways to feed our family.  Yesterday, I even made a healthier version of a Buffalo Chicken Dip recipe for the boys' Super Bowl party at church.  I used light versions of cream cheese, ranch dressing and mozzarella cheese.  It was still delicious, but healthier.  That's the thing that I've noticed.  I am consciously looking for healthier options.  Yay!

Another example that I can think of is that I've run out of PB2.  Next to my love of shrimp, I'm thoroughly enjoying PB2 as my go-to snack.  Mix some with 1/2 a smashed banana...and oh yeah!  Last week, I was going to pick some up, but the only time I could get by bariatric center was when they were at lunch so I couldn't buy any.  I was bummed. Knowing that I have my 9 month check up this week, I figured I'd be able to make it until then.  After all, it's just PB2, right?  Wrong.  I found myself a really wanting some peanut butter last week.  I was at the store and figured that I'd just pick up a reduced fat peanut butter and be done with it.  But you know what?  A little comparison with the Reduced Fat Jif and PB2 and I just couldn't do it.  190 calories and 12g fat vs 45 calories and 1.5g of fat is a huge difference.  Not everyone is going to like PB2 and not every needs to eat the stuff.  But for someone who is wanting that peanut butter a few times a week, yes, the calorie/fat difference is a big deal!  I can't wait until Thursday when I have my appointment just so I can bring some PB2 home!

Yesterday was a not-so-good food day for me.  I started the morning by fixing an Egg Beater and a Morning Star Farms sausage patty.  Granted the egg beater was the equivalent of two scrambled eggs, but I couldn't eat half of the food that was there.  I was eating a scrambled egg and a MSF patty a couple of months after surgery without issue.  But yesterday, I may have had one egg total, but could only get down about 1/4 (if that) of the sausage.  Not sure what happened.  It just wasn't going to go down.  I didn't have any issues with it sticking or me eating too fast and I didn't feel full.  I just felt as if I was going to hurl if I put another bite in my mouth.  So I stopped.   

Lunchtime I was fine with a Gorton's Grilled Fillet.  Even added a little "banging shrimp sauce".  No issue.  By dinner time, CME was still at work and the boys were at their Super Bowl Party so I figured I'd just make a protein shake.  I've started experimenting more with these...getting a little braver on my varieties.  I recently discovered that the Almond Joy creamer, though it isn't the most nutritious, it does fit within my guidelines.  So with that, I used vanilla protein powder, light vanilla silk, 1T creamer, 1/2 banana and 6 chunks of frozen pineapple; I was going for that piña colada taste (yes, I know banana isn't in a piña colada, but it gives the smoothie a nice consistency) and was quite pleased with the results.  So pleased, in fact, that I drank all 12 ounces at one time...and within a very short time span.  (Do you see the issue here?)  I drank 12 ounces of a thick, nearly frozen, 33g protien shake in a short amount of time.  And then it hit me.  No...not dumping...sugars were still fine.  But with the small amount of anything else on my stomach all day long, this was WAY too much too quickly.  Foamies happened and I was miserable.  Nothing came up and I'm guessing that because it was liquid that it made its way on through quicker than it would have if it had been solids.  But OY!  Not a pleasant experience.  It was a reminder though that I am still learning and I still need to be very careful in how much I take in at one time, even if it's liquid!

Thoughts
I still find myself hesitant when someone compliments me and then asks me how I lost all my weight.  Why am I uncomfortable saying, "I had gastric bypass surgery."? I'm not uncomfortable blogging about it.  I'm not uncomfortable talking to people who know that I've had the surgery.  I am uncomfortable when someone says, "You look great...how did you do it?" I literally feel a little tightening in my chest before I respond.  I say it with a smile, but It feels like I'm about to bring on a whole new round of judgement from the world.  I H.A.T.E. that.  I wish there wasn't such a negative connotation that goes along with RNY gastric bypass surgery - but there still is.  I see it on the faces of those I tell.  I usually finish the conversation with, 'You know...it's the tool that God's given me that has actually worked.  For that I'm thankful.' I don't know what else to say.  -shrug-

I've had people ask me about all the extra skin.  "So are you going to have surgery for that?"  I don't mind people being curious.  I don't mind those who love me and are my friends.  It kind of bugs me when a random co-worker asks me.  Am I selective in who I want to know what about me and my life?  I suppose I am to a degree - yet here I am blogging about it.  Oh the mixed emotions!!!  And about that extra skin...I don't know if I'll have surgery.  If there's no medical indicators as to why I'd need it (which there aren't now) then probably not.  There is no way that we could afford for me to undergo a cosmetic procedure like that.  And, being as honest as I can be, I wish that was different.  The extra skin is mortifying some days.  I expected it in my stomach - it was already droopy.  I did not expect it in my legs.  Arms?  Yeah, figured I'd have some extra swinging skin.  Didn't expect it to be as much as it is right now.  But all of that is purely vanity, which I need to let go.  I most definitely will take the health benefits of being half the size I was with some loose skin over the alternative! I didn't wear shorts before, won't wear them now.  Didn't wear tank tops before...won't wear them now.  Swimsuit?  Not unless I can find some cute board shorts.  -shrug-  (Obviously as I'm typing this, I realized I need some prayer in this area...that I will not focus on the negatives, but focus on the work that God has done IN me. Thanks in advance...)

What Nots
I realized an NSV today that I didn't even recognize as one until I was talking with the receptionist at my dentist's office.  I've been going to the same dentist office since I was a kid.  The receptionist is the only one I remember.  I'm sure there were others, but as long as I can recall, Connie has been there.  So we were talking today about my surgery, my health and such.  She's trying to get weight off too.  She asked me if I was where I wanted to be weight wise. I explained to her that even though MD won't give me a number that the weight charts say I could still lose another 15-20# and be at the higher end of what's considered normal.  Even though I'm thinner now than I was in high school, I could still lose some weight and be healthy.  I told her that right now I'm in the 150s (WHAT?!?!) and in a size 10 pants that aren't tight.  And here was the unrecognized NSV... I said, "You know it's a pretty awesome feeling to not worry that my jeans will be too tight if I dry them."  Jeans out of the dryer...no falling backwards on to the bed trying to get them zipped.  No deep breaths and half squats to try to stretch them back out before trying again to button them.  Yes, folks, for me that's an NSV!  

Speaking of my dentist...He and I went to high school together (he went into practice with one of our classmates' dad...my original dentist).  Recently he ran across some of my Instagram pictures and was so excited for me.  Today when he saw me, I got that "one arm hug" with an "I'm so proud of you!" comment.  That was a nice NSV too.  :)

And a final "what not"...  later next month (March) I'll be speaking at an informational meeting for bariatric center.  I'm a little nervous and a little excited.  I want to try to help people get past any negative thoughts they might have in general about the surgery.  I want to share my story.  I want to share how God has been faithful through this journey and how He is the one to be given the glory.  Will you be in prayer for that talk?  Will you pray that I adequately answer questions that the people there might have and at the same time be able to speak of our Amazing God and His transforming powers?  I want people to see themselves as God sees them.  I want them to know that they are fearfully and wonderfully made!
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"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14

Thoughts and such...

I realize that I've not blogged much this month.  Part of it was intentional.  Part of it was to stay away from the internet and electronic world as much as possible.  I didn't want to lose sight of the meaning and season of CHRISTmas.  I didn't want January 1 to come and wonder, "Wow...did I truly focus on CHRIST?"  I'm glad I used my time in other ways, like family game nights and crafting gifts as well as more time spent in the Word.  However, I do think I missed blogging.  Sometimes it's just nice to get thoughts and such out of my head.  :)

So let me try to remember things I wanted to say...

The Pits - I was struggling.  Really.  Did you know that armpits (ha!  fooled ya!) are concave and that when you shave them, it's not a guarantee that you'll get all the hair if you're not paying close attention?  I didn't.  I didn't have any idea until I was drying my hair one morning (after having just shaved the pits) and realized I had missed a whole section on both pits!  Whole. Sections.  Why?  Because my pits are no longer like little mounds under my arm...they are truly pits.  Go figure!

Coffee - One of the things I was concerned with prior to surgery was the ability to drink coffee post-surgery.  I'm not going to lie.  I missed coffee for a while.  Now?  I don't.  Why? I'm drinking coffee.  Not nearly as much as I use to (3/4 of a pot a day might have been excessive to begin with) but I am enjoying it one cup at a time. CME got me the family a Mr. Coffee single serve coffee brewer (Kuerig K-cup compatible) that I use daily. Love the variety and the single servings!

Clothes - had to break down and go shopping again. I had one pair of pants that actually fit.  All others were too big.  I bought mostly size 12 pants, but did find one pair of size 10 (TEN!!!) jeans that fit too.  Most shirts I wear now are a medium.  I can't wrap my brain around that size. LoL  Really!  I look at the shirt and think, "there is no way that will fit!"  But it does.  SO strange, yet SO exciting!

Weight - I've not weighed in over two weeks now.  I'm not sure why.  I don't know if I'm afraid of what the scales will say or if I'm just not as interested in the number.  (I'm thinking it's more of the fear factor.)  I plan on weighing on Sunday.  That seems to be my "weigh-in" day.

Exercise - still my nemesis.  I've not been to an exercise class in nearly 2 months. TWO. MONTHS!  I really do like the Body Pump class.  I just need to get back into the habit of going.  I've kind of fallen back into the old habit of "I'm too busy" when in all honesty, I'm choosing not to go.  This will change...I cannot do this without a consistent exercise plan.  And by do this, I mean make this a life long change, not just another temporary weight loss.  Exercise will be key!!!

Shrinkles - UGH!!!  That's what I think about that!!  The excess skin is nasty.  The droopiness of it all is frustrating.  Good thing I can hide it under clothes!

Food - I made it through the CHRISTmas holiday fairly unscathed food wise.  I made lasagna for our family gathering and ate the stuffing out of it.  I chose to avoid the noodles so I could have more of the good stuff!  A couple moments of, "I wish I could have a little of that" hit me...like the banana split cake or hot wassail my dad always makes.  But for the most part, I didn't feel cheated by not eating the other goodies... fettuccine alfredo, fudge / candies, cookies, etc.  Well, I did have 1/2 of an oatmeal cookie my sister made...she made them with Splenda.  :)  I haven't measured/journaled nearly like I should and I haven't gotten my protein in while on break this week.  Both of those need to change.  All in all, food was not a focus for me...praise God!

Rings - One of the "smaller" features for me were my hands.  At my largest, my ring fingers were a size 7.  That's not big for someone whose weight once topped 300 lbs!  (did I just admit that in writing?!)  I really didn't think I'd lose weight in my hands.  I was wrong.  A few weeks back, I went to wave at a friend and my wedding rings slid all the way to the top of my finger!  That was a clear indicator that I needed to have them re-sized!  I was amazed that my ring size is now a 5.5.  Though I could wear a 5, getting it over my knuckle was painful so I opted to go for the 5.5 so it wouldn't be uncomfortable this summer.

Reflections - literally.  Every now and again, I'll catch a reflection in a window and have to do a double take to realize that it's me.  What stands out to me are my legs.  I'm use to seeing LARGE legs in a reflection and when I see them now, it shocks me.  My legs aren't large anymore and I can even see my knee caps when I'm sitting down.  Defined kneecaps.  Crazy!

Reactions - I'm still not use to the reactions of others; people who haven't seen me in years; people who had no idea I had surgery.  I enjoy their kind words and compliments, but I find myself blushing at their "oozing" comments.  (Let me clarify that...these are comments from women! LoL)  Also, I'm sure CME is tired of some of the questions he gets asked, "What about your new skinny wife?"  "What do you think of her weight loss?"  He is so sweet in his responses, which are usually as simple as, "She's the same person to me."  or "Her weight doesn't matter to me."  He rocks.

Pictures - I've finally started to recognize differences in pictures.  Sometimes I see it when it's just me in the picture (like the one below that CME took while I was making my sister's Christmas gift) but I mainly see it when looking at pictures from this time last year.  I find it hard to look at the before pictures knowing that those are me!  I don't even recognize myself in those.  I guess I truly didn't see that version of me. 

CME - I can't blog about this journey without acknowledging the incredible love and support that I've gotten from my husband.  From the first time sitting in the informational meeting through every step of this process, he has been amazing.  He may not always understand how I feel or how some things affect me, but he has always been loving and supportive.  I am so blessed to be his wife!  143 CME!

So there's some catching up for the month.  I have said this before and I will continue to say it.  God has given me the strength to pursue this journey.  He has continued to open my eyes to His definition of healthy and He is the one who deserves the glory for the successes I've experienced.  I can't imagine how anyone goes through this life...this journey...without Him!

Now...here are some pictures to help me see the difference a year can make.  

Working on my sister's necklace

December 23, 2012

Christmas Eve 2011 - Notice me trying to "hide" behind the boys as much as possible.

With my oldest (and gbaby!)

Christmas Eve 2012 - what a difference!  Not hiding and look at how tall Parker has gotten!!

My every day hero!!!  <3

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"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14

Cooking More

"You cook more now since you've lost weight."  An honest observation and comment from CME.  Trying to think of the reason behind it, I suppose it could be the fact that I want to actually work on a HEALTHY lifestyle...and I suppose cooking is part of that.  I mean, it makes sense, after all.  We all know that fast food isn't healthy.  But why do I really cook more now?  

Martin's Pumpkin Swirl Cheesecake

Apple Pie Baking in the Oven

I'm experimenting with recipes, for one.  Our youngest son's birthday was celebrated today and he asked for Pumpkin Swirl Cheesecake.  I've always used 1/3 less fat cream cheese when I make this and I was too nervous to try to substitute anything since it's what he requested.  However there are three family members who don't like pumpkin and I chose not to have cheesecake.  I'm not sure how to calculate sugar grams in a recipe and I didn't want to ruin the night (or my Onderland) by attempting to eat a piece of one of my favorite desserts.  Plus, though it's not particularly unhealthy (in the right serving size), I just couldn't see the benefits for me to have some.  Instead I decided to make an apple pie to use up some apples that were recently given to me.  I substituted both the regular sugar and the brown sugar with Splenda versions of both.  I'm 44 years old and this is the first time I have ever even attempted to make an apple pie!  Seriously!  It actually turned out REALLY good!  Personally, I didn't eat the crust, instead I measured out 1/4 c. of the baked apples, but everyone said it was yummy and at the end of the party I had an empty pie pan to prove it.  

Secondly, I think I'm cooking more because it saves money.  We added a lunch option to our eMeals Plan so I'm now fixing the boys' lunches too.  Great thing about it is that it provides a variety of healthy choices for the boys.  They're not stuck eating the overly-preserved/processed food that the schools serve and they get more time to eat which is a bonus!  We're lucky too that the boys aren't shy about trying something new.  

I'm not sure what other reasons may be out there... family time around the table, substituting low-fat options, etc.  But CME's right, I have been cooking more.  Does that seem totally odd to you?  I think it should seem odd to me, but it really doesn't.  It seems more like, "I should have been doing this all along."   Either way, I take it as a good thing.  I'm able to cook for the family, have some say in what's going into their bodies and not be "fretting" over how much (or little) I will be eating.  It's becoming so much more than a measuring cup...it's becoming a way of life.

Once again, I find myself thanking God for the perseverance and strength he's giving me every day to make wise choices for me and the family.
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"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14