Not A Day Too Soon!

My boys start school tomorrow. Though I know we all think this summer has flown by, for me it's not a day too soon! Yes, I know I'm a parent and we all have thought that at some point in time, but this is coming from a place of frustration about their eating habits.

I have done my best in the past 3+ years to try to educate them and help them (all of us) make healthier choices. I don't want them to be in the situation I was in...or fall prey to our family trait of obesity. It's such a hard battle! And it's not about the number on the scale...IT'S ABOUT BEING HEALTHY!  I want to shout that from the top of my lungs - though I know the fine line between words spoken and the interpretation of the hearer. It can get soooooooo twisted (I know...I've let it happen).  Satan will try to attach shame and guilt and judgement to the words, but that's so not it. The health issues that plague our family are waiting in the wings, ready to attack. I'm a Mom...I'm suppose to protect them, right?  Yes, I know I can't protect them forever, but how on earth do I get it across to them that the choices they make now WILL effect the rest of their lives?

Why am I so frustrated? Well, it's like this... we went to the store Monday evening. (That's just two nights ago).  I don't 'normally' buy snacks...and this is part of the reason.  But school is starting and I do like to have a couple extra options to add to their lunch boxes. But in TWO days, the amount of food that's been consumed is beyond...BEYOND...overeating.  I'd list it all here, but since they have access to this blog..well, let's just say I'm not a happy momma!

-sigh-

The good news is...starting tomorrow, they'll be in school all day and will be in our presence at night. I hate  having to feel like I'm monitoring everything they're eating.  I just don't know how to handle this beyond that.

Lord God, give me wisdom and open their ears!
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"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14

Living Life

Top of Deer Mountain - Elevation 10,026 feet

Our family just returned from a week-long family vacation in Rocky Mountain National Park ("RMNP") I don't even know how to put into words all that I experienced, saw and felt - but I'm going to give it my best shot. (warning: long post ahead) 

First, let me say that CME took care of planning the entire trip. From the route we'd drive, where we would camp to, from and during, and where we'd spend our days. He included in the precious gift of spending time with friends in Boulder, CO on the way there and in Overton Park, KS on the way home. He. Is. The. Man. My main responsibility? Figuring out the menu for the week. Easy-peasey. (for the most part)

My first NSV of the trip came in the middle of Kansas. Traveling as a child, we would always see the signs on the barns that said, "See Rock City" but I didn't know there was one in KS! It's crazy to think of how giddy I was to actually get to stop and see Rock City! There's not a whole lot to really see there, but it was a place where I climbed the big rocks...celebrated making it to the top and overcame the fear of climbing back down. (Truly the hardest part for me because I couldn't really see where I should put my feet!) Though climbing was an NSV in itself, the NSV that made my day was when CME encouraged me to crawl through Doughnut Hole Rock. Trust me, I had not intention of doing so until he said, "Now THAT would be an NSV!" - knowing that I've passed on certain activities like caving with the boys because I knew I couldn't fit. So yes, I accepted his encouragement and crawled through a rock! WooHoo!

We drove on to stay with our friends in Boulder for the night...still kind of silly excited about that experience. Monday morning we visited NCAR - which was a real treat for us all, but probably mostly for our youngest son who thoroughly enjoys science. From there we headed on to our campsite at Morraine Park Campground in RMNP. As we were setting up camp, we were visited by a female elk. Yes...right there in the campground. She was within 50 feet of us and didn't seem to care we were there. Crazy. We ate a quick lunch and decided to drive on up to the Alpine Visitor Center. I am so thankful that CME drives so cautiously! The roads are crazy-curvy with massive drop-offs on the sides. He rocked it!

At two miles above sea level (11,796 feet), the Alpine Visitor Center is the highest facility of its kind in the National Park Service.  There's a place across from the building where you can climb a set of stairs to be even higher... 12,005 feet! Second NSV (though it seems small compared to some of the others) was that I climbed those stairs...pain free...and even with the altitude and oxygen levels being different I wasn't totally out of breath!  Come to think of it, I'm not sure I was even a little out of breath! The views of the mountains and the tundra were breathtaking...but the activity level not as much! From there we drove on to the Continental Divide where we spent a few moments to enjoy the site...the water...the mountains...the trees...the snow! Yes, day one in RMNP was a good day!

Though I'm positive that CME shared the information with me prior to our trip, I didn't fully realize what Day 2 would entail. Had I realized the details in advance, I may not have ever come to realize that I could do this! CME fully researched this trip and knew the best way to handle our next hike - Bear Lake to Fern Lake Trailhead. The sites were spectacular and the terrain was everything from rock, stone, dirt, water to sand and snow! The hike itself was 9.2 miles with a total elevation gain of 1230 feet and it took us 7 hours to complete. (Many NSVs during that time period.) It was the hardest and most exhausting 7 hours I've ever endured. But my goodness was it worth it!  More than once, I would get teary-eyed. Not because I was tired or in pain (though the descent down did make my knees tender), but because I was in awe of God's transforming power in my life! This was hard. I hurt in places I didn't know existed. I crossed snow-covered paths that truly should have made my heart so nervous I couldn't move (one wrong step...) but instead I was basking fully in God's creation and praising Him that He made it possible for me to be living this life...hiking and experiencing His greatness with my family. I spent a lot of time, thanking Him while on the trail as well as calling for His strength to finish safely.  Through Him, all things are possible.  I never imagined I would have or could have done this....but I did! Praise God!!

Wednesday, Day 3, was a special day as well. Our oldest son celebrated his 16th birthday on the summit of Deer Mountain - a 6 mile round trip hike with a total elevation gain of 1236 feet. (NSV yet again.) Our youngest was determined to beat the rest of us to the summit. He succeeded by about 10-15 minutes. Again, breathtaking views of the mountains, plus a sneak peek at Estes Park where we'd later celebrate PJE's birthday. Trail food lunch at the summit was nice...except for the chipmunks who definitely were NOT afraid of humans. They weren't mean, but they were rather aggressive in their attempts to snag some of our food.  I thought they were cute even if they were pests!

Later that afternoon, we celebrated PJE's birthday at Grubsteak Restaurant where CME and PJE dined on Yak Burgers, MAE had an Elk Burger and I had a portabella mushroom burger. In hindsight, I probably should have eaten something I can't get locally, but I like portabella burgers... Anyway, the guys enjoyed the wild game and trying something different and I did try their Wild Boar Scotch Eggs. Pretty tasty actually. The rest of the evening was spent visiting the various shops, stopping at a park where Rocky Mountain Church was preparing for "Praise in the Park" (cool!) and ended with ice cream from Hayley's Ice Cream Shop (recommended by our waitress). Though I don't often indulge in ice cream and I find it expensive to buy one only to eat about half...that's what I did...ordered a single scoop of the salted caramel ice cream, ate about half and was way satisfied. 

Day 4 in the park was a "take it easy to let our bodies recover" day. We slept in a little, ate breakfast, then headed out to the west side of the park. More meadows and open fields than the east side, but also a place to see more wildlife. We stopped again at Alpine Visitors Center...yanno, bathroom break and coffee stop! Our first "official" visit was at the Holzwarth Historic Site. A small walk back to the cabins to visit a little bit of history was fun and also allowed us some much needed walking (on flat terrain) time to keep the muscles from getting too stiff. Not to mention that I took a few moments to sit next to the Colorado River - because I could.

We enjoyed a picnic lunch at Coyote Valley Trail. Again, this was a flat area where the mountains and open fields were quiet and peaceful, especially being the only ones there at the time. We walked the trail that wound along side the Colorado River and even took a moment to all put our hands in it. It was during this hike that I got to spend some time talking with MAE about how God was moving in my heart during the week. We saw MANY older adults (seniors for sure!) who were out on these trails - moving and grooving. Many of them even passing us at times. I told MAE that this trip had been one that God kept showing me that He is allowing me to truly LIVE life. To be active...to move...to be healthy. I admitted to MAE that I still have days I struggle with my addiction. There are still days I have to battle the urge to eat more than I should or things that I should. I told him I have a tendency to be lazy when it comes to exercise. I'm not doing what I should all the time, but I also told him that God was how I was able to get through the past two days. More than once I called on His name to help me take another step. I want this life to be a reflection of His goodness, so EVERY thing I do is for His glory - this trip included.

We later stopped at the Kawuneeche Visitor Center on the west entrance to the park where the Park Ranger advised us to visit Adams Falls since we were looking for a short hike. I am so glad we listened to her! The hike back was short...with some elevation gain, but the falls were beautiful. There's something about the sound of water that calms me. I wasn't even stressed as the boys got closer to the ledge than I would have instructed. We continued our hike past the falls to see some 'meadows' (though I think CME and I both would consider them swamps!). And there he was! Within 100 feet from us (and up a hill) was a bull moose grazing on the land! He was huge! I was more than a little pumped to see him...it was one animal I wanted to check off our list...and for CME and the boys to see up close too! Super cool!

We concluded our night by driving back to Estes Park for dinner and by the time we got there (about an hour and a half later) anyone nearby could tell CME and I were tourists - just by how we were walking! Legs. Dying. (Ever have to tell your legs to move?) Quick pizza and then back to camp so we could rest up before heading home. 

Both on the way out and the way back, we stayed at different KOA Campgrounds - one in Topeka and one in Salina. Both were very nice...yet different. Not all KOAs are the same, but I'd recommend either of these. CME knew we'd be tired on the way back so we didn't camp on the way home. Instead he rented the TeePee at the KOA in Salina KS. The camp is owned by a Native American Family and being able to stay in the teepee was a great ending to our week on the road. (Never been so happy and thankful for hot showers!!!)

Some things I failed to mention:

• No hot running water in the campground. Solar showers are great...IF the sun comes out to warm the water and IF you're not taking the shower in the evening when the sun is setting and the cool breeze whipping through the outdoor facility. Solar shower = not a fan. 
• The weather? We couldn't have planned it any better. The weather was amazing and each day it seemed to be exactly what we needed for the trail/hike. 
• I did have 3 blisters, 1 mosquito bite and 1 bug bite gone bad...but other than that, it was great! 
• There was a hummingbird one afternoon that kept flying around our head. That was cool. 
• Watching the rain fall at the mountain across the way was interesting.
• There are interesting people on Pearl Street in Boulder.
• Having friends to visit (both ways) was definitely a bonus to our trip.
• God can create friendships through ways we can't imagine...Instagram? Yep.
• The drive is looooooooooooong.

I'm sure its because I'm a city girl, but being in the mountains allowed me many opportunities to reflect on life, on where I was physically and emotionally not long ago and where God has brought me through this journey. He's allowing me to truly LIVE this Life! I am so grateful! I'm at awe of Him! 

Crawling through Doughnut Hole Rock

We're THAT family.

Victory

Miss her!!

Friends Reunited

NCAR

Admiring our "backyard" for the week.

My guys!

Had to touch the snow at the Alpine Visitor Center!

First "hike" of the trip...up those steps!

12,005 above sea level!

Hanging out in the rocks - looking over the tundra!

We just HAD to get in the snow!

Then a snowball came flying at us!

Part of our 9.2 mile hike

Part of our 9.2 mile hike

Love this man!!! So thankful for him!

The "sketchy snow" slope part of our 9.2 mile hike.

Part of our 9.2 mile hike - getting a bit tired!

Beautiful view...narrow path! Part of our 9.2 mile hike

So thankful for his encouragement and support!
Part of our 9.2 mile hike

On top of Deer Mountain with my honey!

He napped while waiting for the rest of us!

What a cool place to spend your 16th birthday!

Know where you're going...even when you're just 16!

Family time = fun time!

Goofball #1

Goofball #2

Quite place for a nice picnic.

Adams Falls

Adams Falls

Selifes at the falls?

Adams Falls

There's a moose up there!

TeePee for the win!

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"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14

I like to cook...Really?!

Recently, our lives have been very busy. Travel, summer schedules, etc. I found that we were eating out a lot. And by a lot I mean almost every dinner! Lots of problems with that - not only does it impact our finances, but the choices are just not as healthy. 

In talking with CME, I told him that I actually missed cooking. Really?!! Yes! I did.  

Yesterday was my son's birthday and when he asked for spaghetti squash Pad Thai I was excited! Woo hoo! My 15-year-old requesting home cooked healthy food - that is a victory!

Worth It

“You are worth it.”  That’s the message I wanted to send last night when I spoke at bariatric center during their informational meeting.  But I’ll get to that in a moment.

First, let me say that my two-year post op appointment went glowingly well!  My weight was within a pound of where I was 6 months ago (despite still ‘fearing’ the scales); my BP 100/60; my pulse 60.  My lab work?  Fabulous.  (Okay, that’s my word, but MD said they were exactly where they needed to be.)  Cholesterol – 130; with a good mix of LDL/HDL.  I’ve had absolutely zero issues with my new stomach since surgery and because of that, MD is weaning me off Prilosec.  I thought I’d be on it forever, but he said that if there are no medical reasons to be on a medicine, then why be on it?  Of course, if I sense something changing with my body after I’m off, I’m to let him know and I can start it up again.  But until that time, why be on a med if it’s not necessary?  I like that, actually!  Plus, he’s going to have me reduce my Vitamin D to 2,000 iu from 5,000 iu.  If, in a year when I go back my Vitamin D levels are not in sync then I can increase back to 5,000.  So yes…all is well in my body!  Praise God!  

MD was pleased and said he sees no reason that I would experience any issues going forward (health wise or regaining of weight) as long as I continue with the lifestyle I’ve adapted over these past two years.  I told him… “I have no intention of going back!” 

I also met with RD for a few minutes.  Nothing new here.  She’s been great throughout this process.  Heck, all the staff has been absolutely fantastic.  I am incredibly thankful that I chose this center.  Truly!

About that informational meeting…

Each time I speak at these meetings, I get nervous beforehand.  Will I convey the right message to the people there? (Everyone is different.)  Will they understand that this process isn’t to be taken lightly?  Will I address their concerns even if they are too shy/embarrassed to ask questions?  But mainly, will God get the glory of the work He has done in me through this journey?  

With the head nods and smiles (and a couple of tears), I’m pretty confident that I connected with the people in the room at one level or another.  

I sent around pictures of me from pre-surgery as I began my talk.  (Those pictures are still hard for me to see/share.) I gave them a brief background of my life story – of being in the third grade the first time a boy said the phrase, “fatty fatty two by four…” and how that was the start of the emotional baggage I carried along with the weight for over 30 years.  Emotional baggage that is so necessary to address, come to terms with and throw out!  

I told them I remembered sitting where they were sitting and how all the information that was coming across to me sounded like Charlie Brown’s teacher talking because it was more than my brain could process at the time…the procedures, the costs, the number of visits, the statistics, the fees.  And I told them that one thing I wanted them to know was though they seem overwhelming, that each person in the room was worth every penny of those fees!  I proceeded to look at various people and say directly to them… “You are worth it.”  “You are worth it.”  “YOU are worth it.”  This is was where I saw the first tears.  Not often are obese people (or people in general) told, “You are worth it!”  But that’s what I want people to know.  YOU.  ARE. WORTH.  IT.  I am worth it.  It’s hard to hear when we’ve been told otherwise for so long, but it’s even harder to believe.  

I went on to tell them that if they decide this is the procedure/time/place for them – DO NOT CHEAT.  You deserve not to cheat yourself of a healthy life any more, because You. Are. Worth. It.  

I told them how my life has changed from before to after.  I shared with them the story that goes with the picture of me on the elephant in Cambodia.  How I sought out the smallest person on our team to ride with me because I felt bad for the elephant having to carry me.  (True story!)  I told them my thoughts on being afraid to ride amusement park rides with my children…when one lady finished my sentence, “…because the bar may not go down all the way to keep them safe.”  I told them how I’d assess booths at restaurants – to which two people started laughing saying that they had JUST had that conversation while they were waiting.

I told them that I did need to have 2 units of blood in the hospital and the oh-so-embarrassing fact that there is no dignity when you pass out wearing only a hospital gown.  I told them that even with that, I don’t regret having this surgery.  I told them that for whatever reason, my journey has been complication-free and smooth.  To which one lady said, “That’s because God is your crutch.”  I thanked her for saying that and turned it around saying He is definitely been my strength.  She used the word crutch which at first seemed negative, but I see it now as who I lean on…that’s the purpose of a crutch, yes?  Regardless, I was thrilled that they heard this journey is to/for His glory!!

I warned them against the “Why haven’t I lost as much as <person on forum>?”  “Why am I not losing fast?” “Why me/why not me?” trap we can easily fall in.  I shared with them the quote of “Comparison is the thief of joy.”   I told them NOT to weigh every day in the beginning but to follow the guidelines and trust the plan.  I told them that now, now I *must* weigh every 2-3 days to self-monitor.  I confessed that I didn’t weigh for a month and gained 3 pounds.  And at first I was like, “well, it’s three pounds…could have been worse.”  And then realized…OH MY GOSH!  THAT’S 36 POUNDS IN A YEAR!  (I’ve since lost those 3 pounds…praise God!)  I told them that it is a life change…totally.  The thinking MUST change.

I was able to finish up with my life boat analogy and the reminder that THEY are worth it!

Yesterday was a good day for me.  It was a time to reflect on God’s goodness through this entire process.  It was good to tell people… You are worth it!  It was good for God to remind me… I am worth it!  Yes, yesterday was a good day for me!

Pictures I shared:

Healthy me:

Normal

Who has a normal BMI?  This girl!  That's who!  As of this morning, my lovely Wii advised me that my BMI is "Normal"!!!  Say what?!  Normal!  Barely normal, but normal nonetheless.  First time to be at a normal BMI in my entire adult life!

Oh yeah!!  Oh yeah!!!  :::happy dancin'!!!:::

PS...the over use of exclamation points is a direct reflection of how excited I was this morning to see "normal" flash upon my TV screen.

PSS...my "before" BMI was above 40.  Dangerously obese.  Another reason to celebrate normal!

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"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14

God Works Differently in Everyone's Life

I’ve spent the majority of my life being judged; if not by others, then by my own thoughts and perceptions.  I recently read something that made me realize that there is still a huge misconception and judgmental attitude about weight loss surgery.  One of the reasons that I started this blog was to help others overcome some of that mindset.  Has it worked?  Maybe.  Do I think more can be done?  Absolutely.

So let me see if I can put into words what I feel needs to be said. 

First let me address those of us who have had weight loss surgery or are researching the idea.  Kudos! Hold your head high.  More than likely, you have not gone into this without a lot of thought and consideration and hopefully a lot of prayer.  Those outside looking in at WLS patients truly may not understand the circumstances which have led you to this decision or the WLS process involved.  Show them grace - even if it stings to read/hear their opinion!  Focus on you and you journey and be proud that you are taking steps necessary to overcome your food addiction and embrace a healthy lifestyle.  Focus on God and what He has in store for your life.  Follow the plans – both your bariatric center’s plan and God’s plan.  Make this journey a healthy journey.  Grow deeper emotionally to be able to make the changes that are necessary for long term success.  You deserve it!

On to those who have lost weight without having weight loss surgery (or have never struggled with your weight to begin with)… Kudos!  Congratulations on your success!  I honestly celebrate your success with you!  Here’s where this may get a little close to stepping on toes, but I hope you’ll hear me out on this topic.  Your journey is your journey.  Please do not assume that people who have chosen to have weight loss surgery have found a gimmick or easy way out or that we can’t enjoy the same personal satisfaction or joy because we chose to have surgery.  Joy comes from the Lord – not through weight loss, regardless of how each of us loses the extra pounds!  Please educate yourself before you make assumptions.  There is nothing easy about weight loss surgery.  It is a tool that some decide to use to get healthy.  Please do not judge another’s journey to better health.  Instead, celebrate with them (us) their desire and hard work for a healthier life. 

For both groups of people – find ways to be an encouragement.  Use kind and uplifting words.  Don’t judge others’ choices.  Be an advocate of seeing ourselves as our God sees us – fearfully and wonderfully made!  Rejoice in the strength the Lord has given you to even take the first step.

To my family and friends:  I could not be more blessed!  The unending love and support that you have shown me throughout this process does not go unnoticed.  Your words of encouragement, hugs, and love make me realize that God does a much better job of selecting my friends than I do!  LOL  (no, really!)  He has placed a remarkable network of people in my life and I am forever grateful.

And a special note to CME.  You continue to bless my every day.  You have been my support line here on earth.  You have encouraged me even when I’ve felt like I wasn’t progressing as I should.  You have helped me see some things in a proper and healthy perspective.  You have helped clothe me…both financially and because your taste in style is much better than mine! LoL  You make me smile and you make me laugh.  Thank you.  I cannot imagine this journey without you in it!  143!

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"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14