Not A Day Too Soon!

My boys start school tomorrow. Though I know we all think this summer has flown by, for me it's not a day too soon! Yes, I know I'm a parent and we all have thought that at some point in time, but this is coming from a place of frustration about their eating habits.

I have done my best in the past 3+ years to try to educate them and help them (all of us) make healthier choices. I don't want them to be in the situation I was in...or fall prey to our family trait of obesity. It's such a hard battle! And it's not about the number on the scale...IT'S ABOUT BEING HEALTHY!  I want to shout that from the top of my lungs - though I know the fine line between words spoken and the interpretation of the hearer. It can get soooooooo twisted (I know...I've let it happen).  Satan will try to attach shame and guilt and judgement to the words, but that's so not it. The health issues that plague our family are waiting in the wings, ready to attack. I'm a Mom...I'm suppose to protect them, right?  Yes, I know I can't protect them forever, but how on earth do I get it across to them that the choices they make now WILL effect the rest of their lives?

Why am I so frustrated? Well, it's like this... we went to the store Monday evening. (That's just two nights ago).  I don't 'normally' buy snacks...and this is part of the reason.  But school is starting and I do like to have a couple extra options to add to their lunch boxes. But in TWO days, the amount of food that's been consumed is beyond...BEYOND...overeating.  I'd list it all here, but since they have access to this blog..well, let's just say I'm not a happy momma!

-sigh-

The good news is...starting tomorrow, they'll be in school all day and will be in our presence at night. I hate  having to feel like I'm monitoring everything they're eating.  I just don't know how to handle this beyond that.

Lord God, give me wisdom and open their ears!
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"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14

Thanks A Lot Carnie Wilson

That was my thought around 3:30 this afternoon.  "Thanks a lot, Carnie Wilson!"  

I'll be honest and say that I was more than frustrated while in the breakroom at work to prepare my afternoon snack of PB2 and mashed banana.  (Did you all know that I really like PB2?!?!)  On the counter was some leftover food from a luncheon today.  Sandwiches, chips, cookies, etc.  I didn't hear the first part of the conversation, but two other employees (one male / one female) were discussing carbs and needing to lose weight etc.  Then this comment by the female caught my attention: "Well, the risks far outweigh the benefits!" The guy jumped in with, "And it's not permanent anyway.  You can stretch your stomach back out.  Look at Carnie Wilson.  She gained all her weight back. Even had the surgery twice."  

I looked up from stirring my snack and really REALLY thought about joining the conversation.  Yet, I didn't know these two.  I didn't want to be THAT person.  And I wasn't really sure that I wanted to be judged for the decision I made to have gastric bypass surgery.  So instead, I listened as they continued.  The snippets of "My doctor would NEVER recommend it - it's too risky." and "Sure, she'll lose weight, but it's highly unlikely that she'll keep it off." and "It will be interesting to see how she does." (pretty sure I knew who they were referencing...) made the hair on the back of my neck stand on end.  I was mad!  I was mad that they are not well informed.  I was mad that they were so judgemental.  I was even mad at Carnie Wilson!  

Then the thought occurred that maybe, just maybe, they were a tad "jealous" (for lack of a better word) that someone else had the courage to battle their food addiction head on.  Maybe they secretly wished they had that same courage but are scared (regardless if it was through gastric bypass intervention or not).  I remember days like that.  When I'd make comments like, "I could never have gastric bypass..I'm too chicken!"  And I remember my post from a few days ago asking that we (weight loss surgery patients) show grace to people like these two.  So I finished making my snack and left them to carry on without my two cents.  (I'm quite sure they would appreciate knowing that I had a filter in place this afternoon!)

I want to reiterate something I've been saying a for a while and something I remember MD telling me very early on in this journey.  This surgery is not a cure all.  If I didn't (don't) make permanent changes - physically and emotionally, then I will not succeed.  I cannot (and will not) try to speak for anyone else on why they may have gained most or all their weight back.  I am not privy to their personal lives.  What I can tell you is that this process is not an easy process.  It is not the secret weight loss miracle everyone is in search of.  It's hard work.  Emotionally you MUST be ready.  You must be willing to address issues like emotional eating, binge eating, all that excess baggage that you've picked up along your way to the point you decide to have surgery.  The surgery alone will not "fix" your food addiction.  The surgery alone really won't even touch the surface of your food addiction.  You must be willing to take responsibility for your actions and you must be willing to make permanent changes.  You must have accountability.  (My blog is part of my accountability...if that makes sense.)  If you are considering this surgery, be ready to address all of that...and more!  YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR MAINTAINING A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE.  Not the doctors, not the surgery, not the dietician.  Not your family and friends. You. (Me).  

So thanks a lot, Carnie Wilson, for helping to remind me that I am responsible for how I use this tool (gift) that God has given me.  I will not take it for granted.
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"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14

A Little Frustration

For whatever reason, I have become a HUGE fan of shrimp.  I never really felt that I craved certain foods, but lately, I feel like I'm craving shrimp.  Not a bad thing necessarily, but when you can't find the nutrition information listed for a restaurant, it's a tad frustrating.

CME and I had dinner at Logan's Texas Roadhouse tonight.  He had a craving for steak (which is really unusual for him - probably been at least a year since he's had one) and I've been craving shrimp for a couple of days now.  It's hard to believe, but shrimp has definitely been on my brain.  For someone who rarely ate any shellfish at all...it's what I WANT now.  -shrug-

I ordered the Southwest Grilled Shrimp appetizer as my entree.  It was a perfect choice, in my opinion.  There were 6 shrimp on the skewer and I asked for them to add just a little extra seasoning.  (I. like. flavor.)  The avocado, corn, tomato and black bean "salsa" that it came with was good too.  I didn't eat any of the tortilla chips.  Anyway...I've tried to find the nutrition information since I've been home, but haven't been successful.  I thought restaurants HAD to make the nutritional information known.  I guess I could use the "Contact Us" form, but I want it at my fingertips!  LoL  The only thing I can compare it too to try to figure out nutritional information is Applebee's grilled shrimp skewer.  (90 cals/14 g protein)  Problem there is I don't know how many/how large of shrimp, etc. are included at Applebee's.  Regardless, grilled shrimp, avocado and black beans all have protein and are low cal/low fat, so I'm going to continue to believe I made a good choice.  It tasted yummy, for sure!
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"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14

Frustration Station

Until I can get my bloodwork done (still haven't heard from bariatric center) I've got to figure out why I'm getting lightheaded.  It happened again today during my Body Pump class.  This time my vision went black for a couple of seconds and the instructor next to me asked if I was okay.  I didn't get nauseous and I didn't pass out or anything like that, but I was definitely feeling lightheaded.  My friend, M, wondered about my electrolytes being off, so I'll ask them to look at that when my blood work is done next month.  Things I intentionally did today before class: had a total of 32 ounces of water and then about 30 minutes before class had a protein bar.  Still not convinced it's a food issue, but it could be the fluids.  Could be low BP.  I'll try to get in even more fluids before class on Thursday to see if that helps.  

In all honesty, it's frustrating.  I've found an exercise that I'm kind of enjoying, but am not sure how "safe" it is for me right now.  Luckily the lightheadedness doesn't happen when working triceps where I lay on my back and lower the weighted bar to my forehead.  It would be quite painful to drop the bar on my noggin! 

Anyway, until I get bloodwork done and results in I will try to drink. more. water.  Not sure how to do that before noon, but I'll figure out a way.

(side note - I just got lightheaded when I got up from the chair to walk into the kitchen...it's annoying!)

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"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14