A-Weigh We Go

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Friday, December 30, 2011

How do I...

Though I am not necessarily new to blogging (or journaling or note writing or whatever you want to call it), I am new to Blogger.  That means I'm still trying to figure out all the bells and whistles. 

I've had a couple people ask me how they can follow me via email...or how will they know if there are updates.  Well, I added two "gadgets" to the blog that should help with that.  Down there on the right side :::points to the bottom of the page::: there should be a couple of different options for you to sign up if you want to know when I've posted something new - that way you don't have to come back and check all the time. :)

I'm kind of embarrassed that I don't know this stuff better!  As long as I've been using the Internet and as much as I like to write, you would think I'd have it all figured out before I went "public" with it.  But nOoOOOoooO.  I was too excited and hit the "publish" button before I researched it all.  I'm sure there will be changes as I go along and figure out what I like on here and what I don't...what works and what doesn't.  Bear with me...I promise to figure it out!

"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Hand Cramp 101

I did it!  After an hour and a half, all the paperwork is complete.  My hand was cramping, my brain was stretched beyond belief and emotionally...whew!  It's a lot to process.  You have to really dig in to your past and see all the "failures" that have led up to filling out the papers for bypass surgery.  You have to express what has motivated you to have surgery...and why now.  You have to list all the medical conditions you have and of course a family history of those as well.

One of the toughest questions included listing ALL the weight loss programs you've tried in the past, how long you tried them, how much you lost, how much you gained back.  My list is overwhelming.

  • Opti-Fast
  • Meridia
  • Fen/Phen
  • Hypnosis
  • Weight Watchers (mulitple attempts)
  • Physicians Weight Loss Center
  • Low Fat Diet
  • Herbal Life 
  • "Other Diet Plan"  (anyone heard of the cabbage soup diet or the watermelon diet??)
  • Slim Fast
  • Dexatrim
  • Health Clubs  (don't care to think of how much money we've spent on membership fees only to stop going after a couple of months, but never cancel the membership)

With each of those comes shame and embarrassment from failing.  With each of those comes a ton of emotional garbage that led to trying "one more diet" that will work this time.  With each of those came frustration and realization of money wasted.  With each of those came the realization that God wasn't where I placed my trust during those times. 

Then I had to complete the task of completing any thoughts or images that come to mind:

  • Food and Eating - love/hate!
  • Dieting - doesn't work; frustrates me
  • Being overweight - embarrassed, trapped, discouraged
  • Being thin - I have no idea what that is like!

These are just a few of the many other questions I had to answer...honesty stinks some times!  (my answers are below)

Rate the order of importance the reasons for having weight loss surgery:
  1. I am concerned that my health will deteriorate and my life will be shortened.
  2. I want to improve a current medical condition associated with my obesity.
  3. I am embarrassed socially by my weight.
  4. I lack physical fitness and want to be more active to enjoy life more. 
  5. I am distressed by my physical appearance and need to improve it.
  6. Physical limitation of obesity makes day to day living very difficult.
Which statement best fits how you feel on social occasions?
  • In social situations, I feel comfortable most of the time.
How do you feel about yourself?
  • I have more negative thoughts than positive thoughts about myself.
How do you feel about your appearance?
  • I hate the way I look.
Please imagine that you have lost the weight you plan to.  How do you anticipate your life to change?
I anticipate being able to ride a bike with my boys or go hiking with the family.  I anticipate feeling like I am suppose to be on the arm of my husband rather than an embarrassment to him.  I anticipate NOT being in pain every single day!

Do you have financial concerns which relate to this program?  If yes, please explain.
Yes!  Though insurance will cover the majority of the surgery, the added expense of the insurance premium, plus the out of pocket (and $375 up-front) on a tight budget makes me nervous.  (Funny thing is this was the last question but other times when it asked for anticipated stressors I had listed financial!)

LOTS of stuff to process.  LOTS of emotions swirling around.  LOTS of encouragement too.  I've still got more paperwork to read and more calls to make (to my Primary Care Physician), but though I'm overwhelmed, I'm still excited that the first step is over.

"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14

Thank You

I wanted to thank all of you for the encouragement you've given me so far!  I've had wonderful emails, texts and comments.  I'm going share a couple of "God is so Good!" moments from the responses from you, my friends:
"Deedra, I am a  registered dietitian and worked for a bariatric surgeon for 2 years.  If you have questions I would love to talk."
"I will be on this journey for sure. I know you are safely encircled in God's love."
"I am so proud of your courage.  I will be praying for you... You will do great!!!!!" 
"Gideon saw himself as a survivor in a hostile environment, but God saw him as a mighty warrior, one who would free the entire nation from the Midianite invasion.  When Gideon accepted that identity, he began to experience peace. - Judges 6:12"
These are just a few of the feedback I've gotten so far.  Thank you for your encouragement, prayers and words of wisdom.  I'm so blessed to have each of you in my life!!

"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

A Place to Start

I'm going to start this blog by posting something I had written over a year ago.  I never posted it publicly because it made it too real.  Too painful.  But today, today I'm posting it so you can see where I was then...and where I am now.  I did remove some of the "emotional junk" that was written at the time - stuff that would hurt too much to feel again - but the basis of the post is below.
I Don't See It
So I had lunch with a friend this week.  It had been a while and it was great catching up.  I don't even remember how the conversation led to a statement that brought tears to my eyes.  She said, "Your weight is such an issue for you that you don't see what anyone else sees when they look at you.  You are beautiful and you don't see it."
She's right.  I don't.  I don't feel beautiful.  I don't feel attractive even.  I see the fat person that has no self control over food.  I see the person who constantly compares herself to other women or is compared to other women.  I see the comparison of what the world defines as beautiful (or amazing).  I know what the scales say.  They say I could easily loose half of my body weight and still be considered "healthy."  Half.  That's a whole other person.  How is that beautiful?  
No, I don't see what my friend sees when she looks at me.  I see sad. 
During my lifetime, I've had more than my fair share of meltdowns over my weight.  I've let it get in my way physically and emotionally for way too long.  I'm tired of my knees and back constantly hurting.  I'm tired of being out of breath after the littlest of activity.  I'm tired of letting Satan rob me of precious moments because of how I perceive the world to view me.  I'm tired of being tired.  But most of all, I'm tired of not trusting God to help me get healthy - physically and emotionally.

So tomorrow, December 29, 2011, I am going to be completing paperwork to begin the process of bariatric weight loss surgery.  I'll be honest.  I'm scared.  I'm excited.  I'm nervous.  I have thoughts go through my head constantly like, "Can I have coffee after the surgery? If not, I better ween myself off now - I can't deal with a killer headache too!" or "I wonder how much more my knees are going to like me this time next year."  or "Oooh!  That's a cute outfit!  I will actually be able to wear something like that!" (yes, that's going through my head too). I really am nervous about what what lies ahead, but am confident that God is giving me the courage to make this journey.

My oldest daughter gave me a wonderful gift this Christmas that will help me when I am doubting or frustrated.  It's a plaque that says:

because of you
i am forgiven
all my fear
i have everlasting
peace, joy and love
my life is 

We'll see where the blog goes, but this life is going to be lived for Him - starting with getting healthy!

(PS - I'm going to need prayer partners for this journey...please let me know if you're up to that task!)
"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14