Vanity Sucks

Now I know it doesn't help that I'm tired after only getting about 3 hours of sleep after last night's events, but as I was leaving the store this evening I was nearly in tears.  I've mentioned the extra skin before.  It's not a pleasant sight.  There's extra skin everywhere!  My back...yes, my back...my stomach, of course...my arms and legs look like melting candles (got that term from my friend M at our last support group!) and my "girls"...oh my!  This once DDD gal is now in a B!  Very full B with excess skin rolled and tucked ad poked into place, but a B!  There's just a whole lot of skin hanging around. Not everyone has this issue..but I figure that I've been obese for over half my life. That's a long time for skin to be stretched out to its max.

I've got a trip to Turkey rapidly approaching.  I'm blessed to spend a couple of weeks with my "Turkish Daughter" and her family.  As part of the trip, we will be spending time at the Mediterranean Sea.  Sea = water and beach.  Water and beach = swimsuit.  Ugh.  

Before settling on a tankini top and men's board shorts, I entered the dressing room with 3 potential one piece suits...thinking that maybe I could just wear a wrap around my waist that was long enough to cover my thighs.  But each suit was a challenge - tucking the skin in at various places, looking in the mirror and seeing the veins, mainly dark blue/purple, bulging from my legs, seeing my flattened chest and poochy belly.  (The extra skin pooches...what can I say?)  It was hard.  I was sad.  It's the first time I've felt really sad at about how I look now.  I know that's crazy.  I. AM. HEALTHY.  And I truly am thankful.  It's just shocking to see what I can usually hide under clothes.

On a positive note, I'm thankful for clothes!

All-in-all, I'm okay with the swimwear I chose. I will still be self conscious, I'm sure.  It's hard not to be.  But this thing called vanity... yeah it's for the birds!
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"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14