Now I know it doesn't help that I'm tired after only getting about 3 hours of sleep after last night's events, but as I was leaving the store this evening I was nearly in tears. I've mentioned the extra skin before. It's not a pleasant sight. There's extra skin everywhere! My back...yes, my back...my stomach, of course...my arms and legs look like melting candles (got that term from my friend M at our last support group!) and my "girls"...oh my! This once DDD gal is now in a B! Very full B with excess skin rolled and tucked ad poked into place, but a B! There's just a whole lot of skin hanging around. Not everyone has this issue..but I figure that I've been obese for over half my life. That's a long time for skin to be stretched out to its max.
I've got a trip to Turkey rapidly approaching. I'm blessed to spend a couple of weeks with my "Turkish Daughter" and her family. As part of the trip, we will be spending time at the Mediterranean Sea. Sea = water and beach. Water and beach = swimsuit. Ugh.
Before settling on a tankini top and men's board shorts, I entered the dressing room with 3 potential one piece suits...thinking that maybe I could just wear a wrap around my waist that was long enough to cover my thighs. But each suit was a challenge - tucking the skin in at various places, looking in the mirror and seeing the veins, mainly dark blue/purple, bulging from my legs, seeing my flattened chest and poochy belly. (The extra skin pooches...what can I say?) It was hard. I was sad. It's the first time I've felt really sad at about how I look now. I know that's crazy. I. AM. HEALTHY. And I truly am thankful. It's just shocking to see what I can usually hide under clothes.
On a positive note, I'm thankful for clothes!
All-in-all, I'm okay with the swimwear I chose. I will still be self conscious, I'm sure. It's hard not to be. But this thing called vanity... yeah it's for the birds!
"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14