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Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Vanity Sucks

Now I know it doesn't help that I'm tired after only getting about 3 hours of sleep after last night's events, but as I was leaving the store this evening I was nearly in tears.  I've mentioned the extra skin before.  It's not a pleasant sight.  There's extra skin everywhere!  My back...yes, my back...my stomach, of course...my arms and legs look like melting candles (got that term from my friend M at our last support group!) and my "girls"...oh my!  This once DDD gal is now in a B!  Very full B with excess skin rolled and tucked ad poked into place, but a B!  There's just a whole lot of skin hanging around. Not everyone has this issue..but I figure that I've been obese for over half my life. That's a long time for skin to be stretched out to its max.

I've got a trip to Turkey rapidly approaching.  I'm blessed to spend a couple of weeks with my "Turkish Daughter" and her family.  As part of the trip, we will be spending time at the Mediterranean Sea.  Sea = water and beach.  Water and beach = swimsuit.  Ugh.  

Before settling on a tankini top and men's board shorts, I entered the dressing room with 3 potential one piece suits...thinking that maybe I could just wear a wrap around my waist that was long enough to cover my thighs.  But each suit was a challenge - tucking the skin in at various places, looking in the mirror and seeing the veins, mainly dark blue/purple, bulging from my legs, seeing my flattened chest and poochy belly.  (The extra skin pooches...what can I say?)  It was hard.  I was sad.  It's the first time I've felt really sad at about how I look now.  I know that's crazy.  I. AM. HEALTHY.  And I truly am thankful.  It's just shocking to see what I can usually hide under clothes.

On a positive note, I'm thankful for clothes!

All-in-all, I'm okay with the swimwear I chose. I will still be self conscious, I'm sure.  It's hard not to be.  But this thing called vanity... yeah it's for the birds!
"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14


  1. Swim suits are the worst, even if you have a great figure - there are so many that are immodest. I sport a tank and shorts. I want full coverage. Oh to see what you will see. Enjoy the sea and God's creation - as well as His people.

    I haven't posted before about excess skin, for I've not been in your shoes. For me, I lost a full size in the year after I reached a healthy weight all due to skin shrinkage (80 # loss). I'm not claiming it will all go away, but you never know how much it will shrink until you give it time to do so.

    1. Thanks for the encouragement! I'm hoping some goes away, but more than anything I continue to pray that God work on my vanity issue.


  2. Oh, Deedra, hon. I know right where you are with this. My excess skin folds and baggy bits (tummy, legs, arms and a little round the back) is something I would happily lose too.

    I try to stay positive about it, and to view it as a badge of honour, much like my grey hair, showing where I've come from and the much healthier 'where' I am now, but sometimes it's hard. Swimsuits are the hardest items of clothing to feel good in, especially when (like you say) unwanted bits peek out!

    I guess the thing to do might be to go for the best fit you can find, then get one of those gorgeous, lightweight, diaphanous long blousey-type thingies to wear over it - think glamour queen or movie star. It won't fully conceal but it would obfuscate, a bit. And don't forget, just because it's the Med, not everyone in sight'll be a skinnie minnie.

    Then it's sunglasses on, chin up, best foot forward and smile at the world because YOU know how far you've come and can be really, really proud of your achievements.

    Have a WONDERFUL time in my beloved Türkiye (I'm not called Deniz for no reason) and enjoy time with good people in a fabulous country. Look forward to hearing more on your return.

    1. I bought a cover up too...I plan on enjoying the trip...the sights and the family I'll be visiting.

      I'm sure I'll have plenty to blog about upon return!

      Many blessings and thanks for the words of encouragement!