A-Weigh We Go

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Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Brain Game

It's common, or so I'm told.  My brain doesn't see the truth.  I suppose for years I didn't really see how incredibly obese I was.  Now, I struggle to see a difference in the mirror...even in pictures I can't quite grasp the difference.  Yet, I am 100 pounds lighter.  I am wearing mostly large tops as opposed to XXXL and my 16 pants are baggy when I use to wear 28 pants that were tight.

A couple of weeks ago, my friend Missy loaded me up with three bags full of clothes...mostly large tops.  I loved them, but wasn't expecting them to fit.  Most did.  This past weekend, my sweet friend Randee convinced me to try on a shirt that she bought for her.  She's very fit, and I was convinced there was no way it would fit.  I thought it was tight, all the ladies there told me it fit. (I was actually kind of embarrassed by all the attention I got about it!)  Granted, it would have looked much different on her. CME bought me a nice sweater...again, a large...I wasn't sure that it fit well...seemed a bit snug.  I've been told otherwise (by CME and my friend Macie!).  I can wrap a normal size towel around me..  Yet, even when I see the pictures I don't see the drastic change everyone is talking about.  How messed up is that?  

It sounds bad, but I am starting to understand how anorexics see themselves.  They look in a mirror and see fat.  I'm still seeing fat, folks.  Really I am.  I see the same person from this time last year.  Thankfully I have a wonderful support team of friends and family that I know will help me see the reality, even if my brain continues to distort it.  Mary and Randee have already addressed the "that's too thin" issue when I thought I still needed to lose 50#.  CME is incredibly supportive and someone today even said, "You look so different...you look like a little kid now!"  (Not sure exactly what that meant, but ok!)  I'm so thankful that God has placed so many amazing friends in my life!  Add that to my amazing family and I couldn't be more blessed!

So, in order to try to "see" clearly, I'm going to upload some comparison pictures...

January 20 - October 30  Sweater compliments of CME

Where I see the most difference.

Randee's top on a very tired and embarrassed me!

My Colts fleece from Missy and my 12-14 athletic pants.

"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14


  1. I understand all too well this struggle, friend. That mentality nearly killed me with anorexia in college and it's something I still struggle with daily. Pics are a great way to see clearly!

    That Colts fleece looks fantastic =)

    1. I knew you'd understand. It's really sad, to be honest. I've had some tears well up looking at the pics trying to SEE what I know is there (rather...what's not there!). UGH!!!

      And I LOVE the Colts fleece! Thanks for it!!!!

  2. Thing is with the recent pics, there is just too much door showing. J/k!maybe you can notice that if you can't see the rest as easily as the rest of us. 143 ( just cuz it means I love you doesn't mean it has to be your goal weight. )

    1. You're funny sweetheart. And that SHOULD be my goal weight...143! :)

  3. But you have always been "143" to me. ;-)

  4. I am so proud of you! It takes an amazing amount of courage to choose this program and share everything with others. I Love You!