We just returned from a quick holiday weekend with CME's family in Michigan. It was a wonderful time with lots of family that we don't see enough and plenty of food. Not only were we celebrating July 4th, but also CME and his Grampa's birthdays. There were trays of veggies and dips, fruits, pies, brats and burgers. Though I chose wisely on what I was eating, my eating "pattern" was totally messed up. CME asked me once if I realized I'd been eating continuously for nearly an hour. He was right - and yes, I was aware. I was justifying it in my mind that I was eating veggies...which I was....with a little of the various dips. But he was right, so I left the kitchen.
My first reaction to CME was that of hurt feelings. Why did he even notice? Was he "watching" me? I'll admit it, I was frustrated. I knew I was eating...and I knew it had been over a period of time. (aka grazing) The more I thought about it though, the more I realized I needed that reminder. Remember a while back when I said that even healthy grazing is still grazing? I cannot fall back into that pattern long term. I'm not overly concerned about a one-day event like the 4th, but for food addicts (yes, I'm still a food addict) grazing is a slippery slope. Though first annoyed, I'm glad I had CME there to help me keep things in perspective...sort of like my own personal cheerleader. I did fine the rest of the weekend and overall am pleased with my efforts, but really need to improve in my self-monitoring and stop justifying unhealthy habits.
I ran into some old thinking while grocery shopping today. Seriously. Usually CME and I go together, but he's at work and our refrigerator and cupboards were bare. I picked up a lot of fruits and vegetables, but I also had things in my cart that I "thought" would be nice for the boys while home this week: key lime cupcake mix (it was on sale!); chips; ice cream. Then when I picked up the candy bars at the check out line I had an aha! moment. What on earth was I doing? The boys don't NEED any of that. And I certainly don't. So I got out of line, put the unhealthy junk away and realized that I was falling back into some old patterns...ones that would lead to unhealthy choices for not only me, but for my family. Another reminder that I need to regain better self-monitoring abilities. I have gotten a little lax in my food discipline now that I'm 14 months post-op and don't need to lose more weight. That lackadaisical attitude is exactly how Satan will creep back in and tempt me to go back to an unhealthy life. That is not an option. God is in control and He reminds me - through CME and random thoughts - that my life is to bring Him glory; therefore I need to keep fighting the battle. Every. single. day.
I'm in no way beating myself up about the issue, but just trying to keep it real here and keep myself accountable for all actions; good or bad. I'm thankful for CME. I'm thankful that God is so faithful!! I am blessed.
|Family goodies - looks like it's right off Pinterest, yes??|
"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14