Ahh!!! I need this space today! And by space, I mean the white space on this page so I can get some of the garbage out of my brain that's haunted me this past week. Okay, maybe that's a bit dramatic, but there have been thoughts and actions that I need to "own" and get back under control.
I've mentioned before that many times I find this blog to be my accountability partner. I really do mean that. Somehow I feel more accountable for my actions if I am honest and open about my struggles as well as sometimes just downright defiance. Today I really need to be honest and open - so here goes!
I just got back in town after a week of visiting some dear friends in Dearborn, Michigan. It was an amazing trip in every aspect! However, when I'm out of town, I seem to eat more. I don't have my normal schedule, I don't necessarily watch sugars and fats and I definitely consume more breads/doughy foods than I otherwise would. I let old habits creep back in. Why is that? Part of it is because the food is YUMMY and not something we readily have available here. But is that reason to over do it? Do I think that food won't be available next time I'm there? Of course it will be! So that's no excuse. Part of it is because I now can eat more and a larger variety of foods. But that doesn't mean I should. THAT is the part that's hard. Just because I can, doesn't mean I should. (Saying it again for my own ears...just because I can, doesn't mean I should.)
I was discussing this with one of the friends who went with me and I told her that I need to get back to the place where food truly is my manna - what is needed to survive. It's meant to sustain me, not entertain me. My story is different than some. I am a food addict. (Or as Susie said, recovering food addict.) Either way, I must constantly be aware of how I'm treating my body. I really am not beating myself up about it, rather I am confessing. I am laying it out there so I can move beyond this week. God reveals to me that I am out of control again... (He does that often in other areas of my life too!) and that I don't have to wait until Monday to fix it. Each moment of each day I can call on Him to get me through the temptation and that's what I am doing. And on another positive note, I actually lost 0.2 pounds this week - or basically stayed the same. Even so, I needed the reminder to get it together so I don't blow what He's doing in me!
God gifted me with this opportunity to get healthy. Through this, I was able - just this week - to share with the International ladies I was teaching that because of God I've regained my health. Through Him I've been able to lose over 130 pounds. This journey is a testimony. I intend to keep it that way!
"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14