It's All About Choices

In less than a month, I will be celebrating my one year "surgiversary".  Like the rest of life, it seems like it was forever ago and yet it also seems like it was just yesterday.  As I get closer to that date, my brain sometimes wonders what the next year will bring for me.  There are still inklings of doubt that creep into my mind.  Those "you're going to just gain it back" lies that Satan tries to tell me.  But I know that through God's power, He will provide me the strength and tools to defeat that lie as well!  

A realization came to me this week.  One that clearly should have been here sooner:  Every outcome is a direct result of the choices I make.  This hit me as I was trying to decide what to eat for my afternoon snack. (Still eating every 2-3 hours)  My choices were a protein bar or greek yogurt.  Each was less than 10g sugar; each had 10g of protein.  But here was the number that was my deciding factor.  The protein bar had 170 calories; the greek yogurt had 100.  Though I really thought the crunchiness of the protein bar was appealing, I decided on the yogurt.  It was a choice that I felt needed to be made.  The yogurt satisfied me just as well as the protein bar would have and I "saved" my body from 70 extra calories.  Does that mean that I'll never have a protein bar again? Absolutely not.  It means that I must continue to make conscious decisions on what I put in my body.  Gastric bypass surgery is a tool.  It is not the cure-all, fix-all, for my food addiction.  

Little habits have a way of sneaking back into our lives.  Things for me like, licking the spoon when finishing a recipe (yes, those calories count!!!) or going back for the crusted cheese that semi-burnt on the side of the pan.  What's one little bite, right?  For a food addict, one little bite is as dangerous as one little sip of alcohol is to an alcoholic; as one "hit" is to a drug addict; as one trip to the casino is to the person addicted to gambling.  Every single day, I must make the choice to not bow to the food god that wants to control me.  Instead, I must focus my eyes on the One True God that has Created me.  Every. Single. Day.

I saw this saying and thought it was worth remembering.  "My stomach is not a garbage can."  I refuse to treat it that way any longer!

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"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14

Veggies vs Protein

Some days I know I'm not getting in all my protein.  Today is one of those days.  Why?  Because I didn't eat/drink my morning snack and then at lunch I opted to have a yummy spinach salad first and then tried to eat the chicken I had also taken.  The salad was sooooo tasty though!  

I think that I miss eating the fresh veggies.  Though I do occasionally have some, I almost always eat the protein first because that's what we're suppose to do and then I am too full to eat the vegetables.  But today, I chose to eat my salad first.  And I'm okay with that.

I only got in about 51g of protein today - about 30g short of what I should consume.  Here's what I ate today:

Breakfast:
Omelet made with egg beaters, tomato, spinach, mushrooms and cheddar cheese (10g protein)

(I skipped my "snack" because I truly still felt full.  Should I really make myself eat if I feel full?  Different than not being hungry...)

Lunch:
Spinach Salad with slivered almonds, pineapple, celery and raspberry vinaigrette dressing (<1g protein)
~2oz canned chicken in sun dried tomato sauce (3g protein)

Afternoon snack:
Frozen Protein Shake (15g protein) 
     4 oz vanilla soy milk (2g protein)
     1/2 banana (1g protein)
     1/2 scoop Protizyme Peanut Butter Cookie protein powder (12g protein)

Dinner:  (CME and I finally got to Red Lobster without there being an hour+ wait!)
Wood-fire Grilled Shrimp Bruschetta (no toast) (approx 21g protein)
3/4 cheddar biscuit (<1g protein)

So tomorrow, I must be intentional and get in ALL my 80+ grams of protein that I'm suppose to have per day.  I don't want to make a habit of skipping out on the protein, but the occasional day of choosing veggies first shouldn't hurt.  Right?
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"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14

A Good Bargain

I've repeatedly mentioned my infatuation with PB2.  It's not changed.  But it is a little difficult to justify paying $5.95 for a 6.5 oz jar of the stuff.  Especially when I'm going through it so quickly.  I visited the Bell Plantation website and found a 4 pack of 1# bags for $27.16 plus shipping.  That plus shipping is always the kicker... $13 for this order.  However, CME being the Amazon guru that he is, found the same stuff for $31.62 and free shipping! The cost savings is amazing.  The jars I was buying from bariatric center are $0.92/ounce.  The Bell Plantation site made it better at about $0.63/ounce.  Amazon saved us even more with it costing $0.49/ounce.  (Some body math check me, will ya?!)

So my 4-pound order of PB2 arrived today!  I cannot tell you how happy that makes me.  LoL  Some days it's the little things...

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"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14

A Celebration?

Yesterday finished up our city's 91st annual West Side Nut Club Fall Festival.  We claim (and no one has proved otherwise) that it's the 2nd largest street fair after Mardi Gras.  

When CME moved here he was really confused when I mentioned a festival.  He expected "some" food booths, but was anticipating more of a Festival of the Arts like he was use to in Grand Rapids.   But alas, our city's celebration is not art...no...it's food.  Seriously.  The main theme of the Fall Festival is to fix as many deep fried things as you can possibly deep fry.  Deep fried Oreos?  Absolutely!  Cheesecake?  Without a doubt! Candy bars...key lime pie...pickles...green tomatoes?  Of course!  Deep fried Kool-aid?  What?  Yes! Deep fried Kool-aid.  And this is just a short list of the odd deep fried foods you can find there.  That doesn't even take into account the brats and burgers and pronto pups (they are different than corn dogs) and chocolate covered bacon or chocolate covered crickets.  Yes, I said crickets...as in the insect.  Oh and who could forget the brain sandwiches?  Yes, our city celebrates food.  For many non-profit organizations it is a HUGE fundraiser as well.  I probably wouldn't have gone at all, except that the boys' Scout Troop has a parking lot where we collect $5/car for parking.  It's a fantastic way for our Troop to make money.

Thanks to M for letting me borrow her picture of one of the signs for the Fall Festival!

Here's where I may step on some toes, though it's not the purpose of me saying this.  The place was packed.  The lines at the food booths were long.  I had chili (and one bite of a kraut ball) as it was one of the "safe" options for me to eat there.  But as I stood there I remembered the survey last winter when our town was designated as the most obese city in the USA. (Read that post here: Stupid Reality TV Show)  As I looked around, I felt a huge sense of sadness.  How many of these people were struggling with the hurts I struggled with for so many years?  How many were there eating all the things that they knew were bad for them because it's what our city does? How many diabetics, heart patients, food addicts were ignoring their health to take part in this "celebration"?  Maybe there was no one there that would fall into those categories...maybe I was the only one for all those years.  Maybe.

One side of the street.  The other side of the median was just as packed!

Please do not read any judgement into those concerns.  It's just I know that for most of my life, I was blind to what I was doing to my body.  It would have been nothing for me to consume enough food at the Fall Festival to get a full week's worth of calories in one evening.  Some years I'd go home and beat myself up for eating so much...letting all the worldly damaging words surface back into my mind.  If it was during one of my weight loss attempts, I'd nearly starve myself the following week to make up for my overindulgence. It was another part of a bitter cycle of battling obesity.  Granted, it's a once-a-year event and there are plenty of people who can use self control when there or have no weight or health issues.  Regardless, I'm glad that God has opened my eyes on the damage I was doing to my body.  I hope to never celebrate food again.  I hope to keep it in the category that it was intended: nutrition. 

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"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14

I'm Eating, Folks!

I've not done a very good job at keeping the photos uploaded of the food I've been eating.  A couple of people have even asked, "What are you eating now?"  I figured I'd take some tonight and try to catch up.


Below is an entry of what I ate one day last week.  I'm eating about 3 oz.  (1/4c + 2T) at a meal now.


Breakfast - 1 poached egg & 1 wedge laughing cow cheese  (8g protein)
Mid morning - 4oz protein shake (usually with soy and PACKED with protein...like 33g!)
16.9oz bottle of water with Special K protein mix (5g protein)  (I drank a total of 68 oz that day!)
Lunch - 1/4 c grilled chicken + 2 T mandarin oranges (9g protein)
Mid afternoon - 4 oz protein shake (33g protein)
Dinner - 1/4 c chicken thigh, 1 pc asparagus, 1T instant mashed potatoes (8g protein)
Evening snack - sugar free popsicle


Twice last week, I did something stupid.  I met a friend one day and had to rush to eat and get back to work on time.  I. was. miserable.  I felt as if the food was totally backed up in my esophagus and that if I burped or coughed it would result in my entire lunch resurfacing.  Literally.  The other time I didn't rush, but I guess I wasn't paying attention and didn't realize that I was full.  I had "one more bite" of food and had the same feeling.  It's unpleasant to say the least.  But it has also made me realize that I CAN'T rush and I MUST be aware when I'm eating!  (Regardless if my precious little g-baby, Bella, is distracting me or not!!!)


Some days are better than others, but the choices I'm making are healthy now!  For example, I had very little time after work tonight before I went to a meeting.  Before, I would have just hit up a drive-thru somewhere on my way to the meeting.  Instead, tonight I had 2T of PB2, 1 string cheese and part of a fresh peach.  CME thought it was an icky combination, but it didn't bother me at all.  I got my protein and some fresh fruit!  I was pretty excited!


So yes, folks, I'm eating.  And I'm enjoying the variety!  Below are some pics of what meal time has been looking like for me lately.  (No more pureed food. I've graduated to "soft" foods.)

Pureed Creamy Chicken and 2T Cantaloupe

Variety!  Hummus, Mashed Potatoes and Crushed Pineapple

Tuna with spicy Thai sauce and a wedge of laughing cow cheese

What's left of the "cup" of chili from Zoup!  

1/4c grilled chicken & 2T mandarin oranges

Today's yummy breakfast: 1 poached egg with salsa and 1 Babybel cheese

Southwest grilled chicken and light ranch dressing.  Good lunch!

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"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14