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Thursday, December 29, 2011

Hand Cramp 101

I did it!  After an hour and a half, all the paperwork is complete.  My hand was cramping, my brain was stretched beyond belief and emotionally...whew!  It's a lot to process.  You have to really dig in to your past and see all the "failures" that have led up to filling out the papers for bypass surgery.  You have to express what has motivated you to have surgery...and why now.  You have to list all the medical conditions you have and of course a family history of those as well.

One of the toughest questions included listing ALL the weight loss programs you've tried in the past, how long you tried them, how much you lost, how much you gained back.  My list is overwhelming.

  • Opti-Fast
  • Meridia
  • Fen/Phen
  • Hypnosis
  • Weight Watchers (mulitple attempts)
  • Physicians Weight Loss Center
  • Low Fat Diet
  • Herbal Life 
  • "Other Diet Plan"  (anyone heard of the cabbage soup diet or the watermelon diet??)
  • Slim Fast
  • Dexatrim
  • Health Clubs  (don't care to think of how much money we've spent on membership fees only to stop going after a couple of months, but never cancel the membership)

With each of those comes shame and embarrassment from failing.  With each of those comes a ton of emotional garbage that led to trying "one more diet" that will work this time.  With each of those came frustration and realization of money wasted.  With each of those came the realization that God wasn't where I placed my trust during those times. 

Then I had to complete the task of completing any thoughts or images that come to mind:

  • Food and Eating - love/hate!
  • Dieting - doesn't work; frustrates me
  • Being overweight - embarrassed, trapped, discouraged
  • Being thin - I have no idea what that is like!

These are just a few of the many other questions I had to answer...honesty stinks some times!  (my answers are below)

Rate the order of importance the reasons for having weight loss surgery:
  1. I am concerned that my health will deteriorate and my life will be shortened.
  2. I want to improve a current medical condition associated with my obesity.
  3. I am embarrassed socially by my weight.
  4. I lack physical fitness and want to be more active to enjoy life more. 
  5. I am distressed by my physical appearance and need to improve it.
  6. Physical limitation of obesity makes day to day living very difficult.
Which statement best fits how you feel on social occasions?
  • In social situations, I feel comfortable most of the time.
How do you feel about yourself?
  • I have more negative thoughts than positive thoughts about myself.
How do you feel about your appearance?
  • I hate the way I look.
Please imagine that you have lost the weight you plan to.  How do you anticipate your life to change?
I anticipate being able to ride a bike with my boys or go hiking with the family.  I anticipate feeling like I am suppose to be on the arm of my husband rather than an embarrassment to him.  I anticipate NOT being in pain every single day!

Do you have financial concerns which relate to this program?  If yes, please explain.
Yes!  Though insurance will cover the majority of the surgery, the added expense of the insurance premium, plus the out of pocket (and $375 up-front) on a tight budget makes me nervous.  (Funny thing is this was the last question but other times when it asked for anticipated stressors I had listed financial!)

LOTS of stuff to process.  LOTS of emotions swirling around.  LOTS of encouragement too.  I've still got more paperwork to read and more calls to make (to my Primary Care Physician), but though I'm overwhelmed, I'm still excited that the first step is over.

"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14


  1. Deedra, I am SO proud of you. This is a huge step in taking control and praising the wonderful life God has given to you. Just the blogging is owning it. I'm always a closet dieter. "What, lost weight? Na, well just a few pounds" ~~after months of hard dieting~~~ Why is it that we are all so embarresed by our human frailities?
    I certainly will add these particular concerns to my daily prayers for you.
    On a side note, I have a dear friend who had weight loss surgery early this year. She is doing so very well. Happier and healthier than I ever remember her. It is still a big struggle for her. But she feels so much better that I can't imagine her ever going back. I personally find her very inspiring.
    Love you to the moon. Keep blogging and we'll keep praying. XO D

  2. Thanks, D!

    I laughed earlier when I thought about putting this "out there" for the world to see. I've been a closet eater and a closet dieter all my life. I'm not sure what I'm doing - but I know God will guide me through step-by-step if I will let him!

    Love you too and SO glad you're in my life!!!