Before I get to the highlight of my week, let me first say that I'm really trying to work through this funk I've been in. I still can't entirely pinpoint why I've been struggling emotionally, but I know I have been. There are still times when certain thoughts creep into my brain. Thoughts like, "Is it really possible to fail at gastric bypass before you even get the weight off?" or "How come I still feel hungry at times? Aren't I suppose to feel full? Aren't I suppose to have to be reminded to eat?" And that's the thing...there are times I feel hunger. Not head-hunger. Not the "Oh wouldn't a huge slice of pizza be nice!" feeling, but where my stomach actually growls and I start to feel a little nauseated like if I don't eat, I'm going to be sick. Granted, the amount of food that I eat fills me, but I still get hungry. :(
The weight is not coming off as quickly as I'd like it to, but I am losing, so that is a praise. I can tell that my clothes are starting to get loose, but the scale isn't reflecting much change in this last week. I actually decided to avoid the scale until I have my appointment with surgeon on Monday. I think that was affecting my mood too. There's a Gastric Bypass Forum that I frequent. You know, to see if I'm "close" to normal in this journey and to discuss things with others who have gone through the same surgery and emotions. I posed a question not long ago asking how often people weigh themselves. Overwhelmingly, the majority of people responded that they weigh every day. There were a few that said they weighed weekly because they couldn't stand the -.2 or -.4. I totally get that. Those numbers burst bubbles. Please don't get me wrong, I am grateful to be losing weight. It just isn't "melting off" like I thought it would (or as some told me I would). That part of it lets those negative thoughts creep in. Almost as if I'm doing something wrong.
Then last night, last night was the highlight of my week. Our boys have been at Boy Scout camp all week and we joined them last night for Family Night. Besides the fact that our oldest was selected for Boy Scouts Order of the Arrow and our youngest son's patrol placed 2nd for the week of the all the Scouts at camp, last night I shared in a moment that made my heart smile. Our youngest hugged me and then looked up at me with his sweet (and dirty) face. He had this look of amazement when he said, "Mom! I can get my arms around you!"
Those 8 little words were the highlight of my week.
"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14