You ever have those days when you feel like you're in the middle of a tornado just holding on and hoping you're the house and not the one wearing the ruby red slippers? That's was my afternoon / evening.
The day started fine, got the boys off to school, got to work...normal day. Then, sometime around 2pm or so, my oldest daughter (mom of my g-baby) calls to tell me that she's heading to the ER because her primary care physician can't see her and she's having some major pain in her lower right side. We make plans for me to pick up g-baby from daycare and we'll see what the ER results show. I call home to let my sons know that evening plans will be changing...give them some instructions and carry on my afternoon.
My phone rings nearly non-stop after that. Son 1; son 2; son 1; son 2, (text to my daughter - just got into a room at the ER); son 2; son 1...and so on and so on. My patience was wearing thin... very thin... I'm at work. I don't need the constant calls/questions/interruptions. But alas...it's 5:00pm!
I call my son-in-law's phone as I'm leaving work and the doctor just had just left the room. Appendicitis! More phone calls. CME; daughter; son; attempt to call my parents; attempt to call my sister. <repeat>
I get g-baby, stop by daughter's house to gather up stuff for g-baby to spend the night and then off to the hospital so my daughter can see her little one before surgery. G-baby is fussing in the back of the car (she's hungry). Phone is constantly ringing between their house and hospital - my sons again. I'm snippy. Not meaning to be, but I can hear it in my voice and I cannot seem to stop. Get to ER. Daughter gets moved to room. G-baby and son-in-law have dinner at the hospital cafeteria and I stay with daughter; she seems to to be doing okay...though she's hungry. I call my sons...to apologize this time. Even though I was thoroughly annoyed, I was definitely more snippy than I needed to be and they deserved an "I'm sorry" from their Mom. (Hey...we're never too old to give a sincere apology!)
By 8:00 pm, g-baby is over it all! She no longer wants to hang out at the hospital. (Can't say I blame her.) We come home. Boys have fixed dinner and have eaten. (It's nice that they're old enough to do that!) Kitchen is a complete and utter mess. G-baby is tired, ready for a bottle and bed. (Separate...not at the same time.) By 8:45 pm g-baby is asleep, boys are in bed and I've still not had dinner.
There should be a flashing red light somewhere when I hit this stage. WARNING! WARNING!!! DANGER AHEAD!!!! But there's not. Instead, I don't measure, eat some amount of the dinner the boys had fixed. (It was actually pretty tasty.) I still think I'm hungry so I look at the food in my kitchen. Repeatedly. Then open and close the refrigerator. Open and close the cabinets. Open and close the granola. Open and close the honey wheat pretzel container. Open. Close. Open. Close. Open. Close.
HELLO! I am in the middle of an emotional eating tornado! Problem is I kept getting smacked by flying debris. A nibble of granola here, a pretzel braid there. I recognized it...I was in the emotional eating pattern that had controlled my life for so long. I did NOT go into full binge mode (only a nibble of granola and one pretzel), but still...I was headed that way! ARGH!
Truly, the mental aspect of this is the most difficult part for me. I really thought I had gotten past that part of my food addiction. But in all honesty, I think I've just not encountered as stressful as a situation as this afternoon has thrown my way. As I type this, my first born (it doesn't matter that she's almost 29?!?!) is waiting to go into the operating room. It's 9:47 pm. I know that her hubby is there and that she's in good hands at the hospital. But I'm the mom and I'm wishing I could be there for my daughter. And in a way, I know I am. I'm here with her daughter, so that's one less thing she has to worry about. Still... I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed. I'm really frustrated that I was tiptoeing the line of my old eating habit. Obviously, I still have more work to do on my emotional eating problem. I pray that God will use tonight to keep me focused and open my eyes to my weaknesses so that He can be my strength!
One good NSV did happen this evening, however. My ex-husband showed up at the hospital. He didn't recognize me. :)
"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14