A-Weigh We Go

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Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Finger Regurgitation

First let me say, this entry is sorta/kinda related to this journey, but much more about where life has taken me in the last week.  I have a feeling my fingers are about to regurgitate words all over this page.

A week ago today...that lovely day when that bug had the best of me...my cell rang and it was one of the sales managers I support.  The conversation started like this:

Me (sounding all puny): Hi [sales guy].  What's up?  (he doesn't call my cell normally)
[Sales Guy]:  Are you sitting down?
Me:  Lying down, actually.  What's going on?
[Sales Guy]:  I'm unemployed.

If the bug hadn't made me sick, that news would have done the trick.  He told me a little about what he knew, but more than anything I let him talk about how shocked he was at this decision.  How he's not had to look for a job since 1984 and how this (job) is all he knows.  I didn't say much.  I couldn't really.  I didn't know what to say other than, "I am so sorry!"  A phone call later and I found out that not only was [Sales Guy] let go, the entire sales team was let go.  My job is to support the sales team.  My future in that capacity is over.  

On Wednesday of last week, our CEO sent a company-wide email to inform everyone that there would be significant office closings throughout the country and more changes were to come.  Since the announcement, several of us have been working on all the paperwork and behind the scenes stuff to meet the deadlines given to us to make the closings happen - really not knowing what our future holds with our company.  My boss has been fantastic through this all and I have tremendous respect for him.  I can tell it's worn him down; his bleary eyes tell a lot.  So for now, I will continue to do what I've been doing for the past 16 years.  I will go to work every day and do the best job I can do.  In doing so, I hope I can bring some joy to co-workers some hope and some promises that God will provide if we trust Him.  It may not be what we want it to look like; God's plans are not our plans.  Regardless, He will meet our needs!

That was just the work side of things.

On the family side of things, parenting sometimes is the hardest job in the world.  My sons are truly very intelligent (I've got test scores to prove that point), but my oldest sometimes does just dumb stuff!  For instance...he's failing English (with less than 50%).  Why?  For not turning in his work.  That's right... he's failing HONORS English just because of lack of initiative.  And is it just English?  Well, that's the only one he's failing...but there were multiple missing assignments in most other classes as well. It's not new...it's an on-going battle.  A tiresome, frustrating and annoying battle.  He spent ALL weekend doing school work to try to get things caught up.  We'll see if it helps.  We've got an appointment with all his teachers this Thursday morning before school to see what the next steps are to try to help him get back on track (again).  I'm tired of this battle!  Makes me wonder how Jesus doesn't look at me some days and go, "I'm tired of this battle!"  But I'm so thankful He doesn't!

Plus, there are other things going on in life - not at home - that have me totally distracted and somewhat distraught.  So through all of this - work, family, and other - my emotions have been all over the board.  

This is where it's affecting my journey and why I'm posting it all here...

Not certain where my job will take me...if I have a job (and insurance)...I'm still trying to move forward with the steps necessary for surgery.  However, I'm feeling pretty emotional and almost defeated some days.  More tears have been welled-up in my eyes this week than have in quite a while.  I've not journaled my food intake faithfully like I should.  I have an "idea" of the food I'm eating - but I'm not keeping track.  Pretty sure RD is not going to be thrilled when I have blank days on my food chart.  I've not yet turned to the cabinet or refrigerator to binge my way through this, but I did buy a candy bar last night.  And yes, I ate it too.  I'm definitely not in a good place emotionally right now (not tonight at least).

I'm hoping tomorrow will be better.  I have my first "Behavioral Modification" class at [bariatric center] around lunchtime.  I may wait to put on my makeup until after it's over!  On Thursday (after the meeting with my son's teachers) I will have my scope thingy (ok..ok... upper endoscopy) done to make sure my stomach and small intestine are in good shape for surgery.  Then on Valentine's day, I will complete my exercise evaluation.  That did make me chuckle a bit...checkin' out the heart on Valentine's day.  Each appointment is another step closer to the surgery.  I just need to get my head back into the game.  

I am finding that one positive emotion I have right now is peace.  I know it doesn't sound like I'm peaceful, but I believe that peace and "joy" aren't always the same thing.  Peace and sadness can be present at the same time. So I'm holding on to this truth right now:
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart! I have overcome the world."  ~John 16:33

PS - My hubby has been wonderful through all that's going on.  He's been supportive and loving and goofy and really is trying to help lighten my mood.  Silly ways he answers my calls or the extra hug (even if they're virtual hugs some days) mean a lot.  I am blessed. 
"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14

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