The past week = major, MAJOR stress.
One week ago tomorrow, my employer let go of a significant number of people. The majority of my co-workers and friends will be out of a job by the end of the month. A small handful will remain until the end of May to finish some big projects. Out of about 30 people (in 2 Departments), two of us survived the layoff. She and I will be moved to another area beginning June 1. Interestingly enough - she had gastric bypass surgery several years ago.
While I am grateful for the job and know that it is answered prayer, the whole situation is stressful. I wrote about Survivor's Guilt 3 years ago; about how blessed I am, yet incredibly sad for my peers. I feel bad when I have to ask someone who will be gone in a couple of weeks to show me how to do something or to give me access to something I didn't previously need. I don't think I've binged my way through this like I have in past. As a matter of fact, I visited the vending machine twice since...and both times I've made choices that were labeled as "healthy" choices - though I know they're not celery or carrots!
Other stressors have come my way as well. Conflicts with friends have crept into the picture. They probably have had as much effect on my psyche as the job situation. I was in a very snacky mood today. There were chips and salsa available in the department and I found myself munching on them. It wasn't handfuls this time, more like 3 chips two different times. And today was one of those days the vending machine won. I really wanted a Snickers...because...you know, Snickers satisfies, but only temporarily. I definitely wanted chocolate though, so I wound up with the 3-pack of small Peppermint Patties. They're considered a "healthy choice" by the vending machine company. I guess it's because they're low in fat, but 26g of sugar is an issue. I suppose the choice could have been worse, but I definitely see that I reacted negatively to today's trigger situation. Plus I know I've had more carbs today than I should have. I wish I knew if I could blame it on PMS - but alas, that factory has been demolished. I take full responsibility to falling prey to the old patterns.
Since my job will be changing as of June 1, I really need to see about getting a date on the calendar for my surgery. If I had my way, I'd have the surgery the first week of May at the latest, be out a couple of weeks, come back and start in the new area. How will it look if I change departments and say, "Oh, by the way, I need to take a couple of weeks off for my surgery. And by the way, I've still got 4 weeks of vacation time I've not used...and...and...and..." Am I really going to have to tell my new boss about the surgery? I've got a doctor's appointment on Thursday and hope to be able to discuss some of this with them. I need a date. Or at least a tentative date.
So, where am I turning to deal with all of this? God gave me "The Lord is our Banner" as a response to a question I asked him this weekend. So in this battle I say, "You are the name I lift up in times of temptation, Lord. You are my Jehovah-Nissi, my Banner, waving your sovereign authority clear in view of all my enemies. When You are present, victory always follows."
"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14