A-Weigh We Go

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Tuesday, April 24, 2012


Tomorrow is officially two weeks away from my surgery.  Two weeks.  I'm excited, but feeling a bit overwhelmed at the prospect of all that's still needing to get done.

Since my last bruhaha Friday night, we've been out to eat two more times.  Saturday night a large group of us gathered before a charity boxing event sponsored by an organization where CME is on the Board of Directors.  CME and I split an order of BBQ cheese fries and I had some onion straws.  Splitting an order was plenty of food for me... I did concentrate on not eating too much and stopped eating before I felt full.  Funny how I can be satisfied even hours later when I do that.  Yesterday my in-laws were in town as they were in route during their move across the country.  We went to The Gerst Haus, a local German restaurant in town.  If you know much about German cooking, it's not diet-friendly.  I first thought about getting a tomato stuffed with chicken salad.  But I wound up ordering the Hungarian Chicken Paprika.  I've had it before and knew it was ginormous!  But CME reminded me that 1) I didn't have to eat it all and 2) he could always take leftovers to work today.  I passed on sharing the potato pancakes that were ordered - figured I'd have plenty on my own plate.  And I was right.  But so was CME!  He had lots of leftovers for work today.

Tonight, I decided to buy a few more items - some things that aren't sweet - to start sampling and preparing myself for surgery.  My cart looked like this:

Minute Maid "Just 15 Calories" Peach flavored fruit drink.  I'm going to send the info on this to RD to get her opinion on if this would work post-surgery.  But I thought for tomorrow I'll try it with the Nectar Fuzzy Navel protein powder.  Might be a really good "sip on all day" type drink.  Here's the skinny on the nutritional info:  Serving size: 8 fl oz.  Calories 15, Total Fat 0, Sodium: 15mg, Total Carbs 4g, Sugars 3g, Protein 0g.  Here's where I'm not certain... Ingredients:  Contains pure filtered water, apple and peach juices from concentrate, less than 1.5% of: natural flavors, citric acid, high fructose corn syrup, aspartame, acesulfame, potassium.

Light Silk Soy Milk.  I've had the vanilla Silk, but like I said I want to start trying some things that aren't sweet.  One website recommends using the chicken flavor Unjury protein powder to warmed milk for a cream of chicken style soup.  I looked at the nutritional info between the Soy Milk and Skim Milk and here's what I found:  Soy Milk has 30 less calories, 1.5g more fat (still only at 2%), 5mg less cholesterol, 5 mg less sodium, 7g less total carbs (skim milk has 12g sugars while soy has 4g),  but 2g less protein.  If the taste is good mixed with thinks like the chicken protein powder and instant mashed potatoes, then I think I'll probably stick with the soy.  Calories and sugars are less and I can pick up the extra 2g of protein another place.  

Oikos Classic Greek Yogurt (plain).  To be honest, I'm not yet sure what I'm going to do with this.  I may add chicken flavored protein to it...just to try it... or mabye I'll add some lemon juice and use it like sour cream.  I still need to see the multiple uses for this stuff, but it's loaded with protein (23g/serving) and has 0g fat and 9g sugars.  I've been told it should be a staple (though to be honest I can't remember who told me or why...may need to refer back to my notes in the Education Manual).  So we'll see what I do with it.

Orange and Lemonade flavored Wal-mart brand drink packets (Crystal Light-esque).  Already have plans to add vanilla to the orange for a dreamsicle effect and then add strawberry to the lemonade.  I can sip on protein all day long that way.  I'm wondering how these will do if they're room temperature and not cold.  Guess I'll find out.

Soups: Healthy Request Tomato, Cream of Mushroom with Roasted Garlic, Beefy Mushroom and Broccoli Cheddar.  All of these are well within the nutritional guidelines for post-op phases.  The Healthy Request Tomato surprised me because it has 10g sugar which is the top amount of the recommended amount.  My thoughts with these are things like mixing the unflavored protein with these, or mixing a soup with the canned chicken (or tuna) that I'll have during the pureed stage.  I need to try these now so I'm not totally freaked out when the time comes.

I'm thinking more and more about the dramatic change of life that this is going to be for me...and for my family.  The next two weeks are going to fly by.  Appointments, planning, preparing - and throw in a baby shower for my first grandbaby!  Yes, it's going to be busy.  

If you're the praying type, will you keep me in your prayers?  Heck, even if you're not, will you take time and pray for me anyway???  Pray that I remain full of grace for my family...and coworkers.  I've begun to notice that little things are really making me emotional and edgy; things like my almost-13-year-old joking about how I won't have any peach juice to worry about because he'll drink it all.  To which I quickly SNAPPED that he's not to touch my drink.  My drink?  Really?  I've become possessive of juice?  Yes, I have. (You'd have to watch how quickly juice disappears in this house thanks to that child to fully understand.)  I have since apologized and tried to explain that my nerves are a bit frayed at the moment - and that it might even get worse.  I don't want to become consumed by these "new" foods either.  That can't be any more healthy than letting food consume my thoughts over the past 40+ years.  So pray that I consult God before responding to anything.  That I truly am letting Him control this journey (daily) and not trying to do it by myself.
"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14

I Won't Do That Again

So I thought I'd mix things up a bit this morning.  One suggestion on the Unjury recipe website was to mix the vanilla protein with coffee for a "rich creamier taste."  Of course, I am trying to do this right so I took my handy-dandy thermometer to work with me, poured my coffee, placed the thermometer in and watched as the temperature topped-out at 130° F.  Noting that it was at the max temp recommended, I decided to let it cool just a tad before adding the protein.  At about 125° F, I slowly added the protein - stirring constantly.  And I stirred and stirred and stirred.  And stirred.  (note - this cooled it off another 5°!)  So once it was finally dissolved, I took my first sip.  BLECH!!!!  I don't care what the website said, vanilla protein powder is not a good substitute for creamer!  Not. at. all.  I even went back and tried to add some creamer to try to make it better... no use.  My coffee was ruined.  I don't think of myself as a coffee expert or coffee snob; I just have a specific taste I like for my coffee and this was not it. 

Now I know...I will not do that again!
"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Last Bruhaha

I really thought I would avoid that "last meal" mentality.  It was discussed both in my education manual and in one of my sessions with LCSW.  But without really thinking of it until after the fact, I'm pretty sure last night I did just that. 

CME and I had date night after dropping off the boys at their Boy Scout Camporee.  We decided to have dinner at Cheeseburger in Paradise - somewhere we don't go often at all.  CME ordered an appetizer of Frickles that we shared.  I ordered my favorite meal: blackened fish sandwich (didn't eat the bun) and teriyaki broccoli.  Not a bad choice, necessarily, but I'm sure the aioli sauce that I dipped my fish in was loaded with fat and calories.  The food choices weren't "over the top" in some ways, however, the two (yes two) piña coladas were!  (sigh)

I rarely drink alcohol.  I'm struggling to remember the last time I even had a glass of wine.  I think it was last summer on vacation with family.  I think.  So for me to down two  piña coladas was not just over the top - but through the roof!  I'm not going to lie.  The food and the drinks were really good.  At the time, I enjoyed it.  The taste, the flavors - delish!  Spending time with CME, unrushed and uninterrupted, was nice.  Date night itself was good.

But you know what?  By the drive home I. was. miserable.  Miserable, I tell you!  Though I didn't eat the bun of the sandwich, I still ate everything else on my plate (plus some frickles!).  I had consumed such a massive quantity of food/drink that I truly felt as if I was going to vomit.  It wasn't in my head.  It wasn't that I felt guilt for eating so much.  My body physically hurt.  Not nauseated because of bad food, but so full that I really believed that if I burped there would be food with it.  Not only was my stomach full, but it felt as if  there was a backup all the way up into my throat...just waiting for a way to move.  Up or down, one way it had to go somewhere.  It was horrible!  CME was feeling the same.  He noted that its a result of both of our stomachs getting use to smaller portions.  I noted that I don't want to feel that way again!

I'm not feeling guilt this morning.  But I am feeling a bit frustrated.  Frustrated that I didn't listen to my body tell me, "Hey...I'm done.  I really don't have a way to take in any more food!"  And I'm concerned.  One of the main things I have to do after surgery is to listen to my body.  I'm instructed to stop eating before I feel the first sign of being full - even if I've not eaten the required amount. Or. I. will. vomit.  (Education manual says so!)  So how am I going to do that then if I can't do that now?  Yes, I've found something that's now concerning me more than getting burned out on the protein shakes and losing hair.  I'm concerned that I don't know how to listen to my body.  

I think subconsciously I needed last night to happen like it did.  I needed the wake up call that I'm still not exactly where I need to be even if up to this point I've done exactly what bariatric center has wanted me to do.  So my goal for the next 2.5 weeks leading up to surgery is to start being fully conscious of each bite.  Being fully aware of the way my stomach feels.  To truly stop eating when I stop feeling hungry.  To make my meals last 30 minutes so my brain can catch up with my stomach and know I'm done.  This thought keeps coming back to me - a thought that is in my education manual as well as what's been told to me by the staff at bariatric center.  "Surgery is just a tool.  You are still responsible for how this tool works for you."

Last night... last night was my last bruhaha!

"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14

Monday, April 16, 2012

Chocolate Truffle? Yes, Please

I know that after a while, the sweetness of the protein shakes will get old.  I learned that back in 1990-91 when I had nothing but sweet shakes on the Optifast porgram.  You know, the one that Oprah did and got down super-skinny only to gain all her weight back plus some.  Yes, I did that too.  Three months of nothing but meal replacement shakes.  Three long months where I craved something salty so bad that I would place a chip on my tongue and let it get soggy just to get the salt taste.  I'd promptly spit it out, of course, so I wouldn't be out of ketosis at my next appointment.  (Diets suck the brain cells right out of your head some times!)

That being said, it's still kind of nice to find protein supplements that I like.  Today, I tried the Nectar Chocolate Truffle with 8 oz of the light Silk vanilla soy milk.  Total of 170 calories and 29g of protein.  I used my Rubbermaid bottle to shake it and though it was not frothy at all, it did have clumps which are not pleasant.  The flavor was really good - like a rich creamy chocolate milk.  I'm not a chocolate milk fan, but this was very good.  At this point, I prefer the chocolate truffle over the tropical dreamsicle - but again, I know I'll have to keep the variety going so not to get totally burned out.

CME was a gem and bought me the smaller Blender Bottle today.  I'll give it a try tomorrow to see if it's the whisk action that's making all the froth or if it's the Jay Robb protein that's doing it. Either way, I appreciate the support he's giving me on this journey.  I'm blessed for sure!
"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Dream a Little Dreamsicle

First protein shake:

8 oz. light vanilla Silk soy milk              70 calories, 6g protein
Jay Robb Tropical Dreamsicle protein    110 calories, 25g protein

Used my new Blender Bottle which was way easy.  Tasted good, though I think the vanilla soy milk was stronger than the dreamsicle flavor.  I bet using 6oz of the soy milk would have made the overall flavor a bit more dreamsicle-like, but this wasn't bad at all.  And, I need to remember that our family likes flavor...the more flavor the better. AND I've been told my tastes will change after surgery.  Only downfall was that shaking it makes it really frothy.  Next time I may try to prepare it and then let it sit in the refrigerator before drinking it to let the foam go down.  Otherwise, this was definitely a two thumbs up type of drink!
"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Little by Little

Decided to go the local The Vitamin Shoppe to see what types of protein supplements they carry.  I lucked out!  They have a full stock of Syntax Nectar products to choose from and if they don't have what I want in stock, then they will order it and I don't have to pay shipping! Win-win!!

So I picked up a few more sample items and this week I will start trying these as well as incorporating some of the other foods (creamed soups, instant mashed potatoes thinned + protein, etc.) into my diet.  I don't want to have to deal with the emotions of tasting a new food/texture along with the emotions of the surgery itself.  I really need to seek out some recipes for the first couple of stages (obviously I'll eat larger portions now than after the surgery) and PREPARE myself at least a little more than I am.  Also, The Vitamin Shoppe had ISOPURE protein beverages.  I tried the grape frost and though it got a better the more I drank it, it's not something I think I'll do all the time.  The manager at the store stressed the importance of not letting it get even a little warm.  He said it's not good at all that way.  So if I'm struggling with the protein shakes, then I could always resort to one of the ISOPURE beverages.  There are 160 calories and 40g of protein in a 20oz bottle.  Not so sure about the calorie count - need to research it a bit more.

Here's what I've got to sample now...

Note the Blender cup - highly recommended by CME and the manager at the store.  Apparently keeps it from being chunky.

Unjury:  unflavored, vanilla, chicken soup, strawberry sorbet, chocolate splendor
Nectar:  chocolate truffle, cappuccino, fuzzy navel, vanilla bean torte
Jay Robb:  strawberry, tropical dreamsicle 

Also, the manager told me that they have a full line of bariatric vitamins by TwinLab.  I'm going to check with MD and Surgeon to get their opinions on this particular brand.  If I can go to one place for all my supplements/vitamin needs, then I'll do it.  I just want to make sure that I am getting exactly what I'm suppose to.  THIS is THAT important!!!  *I* am that important!

If any of you have had experience with these products, have good recipes or ideas, please share those with me.  I'm really getting excited about this next phase, but am a bit anxious about it all too.  Any words of wisdom from others who have gone through RNY gastric bypass is more than welcome!!!

And on another note, the manager had really good things to say about the bariatric center I chose as compared to the other center here.  He knew RD by name and also mentioned that the patients from bariatric center are very well informed when they are seeking out proteins and vitamins.  He said patients from the other center generally do not have as much information/knowledge when they're looking for their supplements.  I really am glad I chose the center I did.  Another confirmation to me that God is guiding me on this journey and placing me where I need to be.

Little by little, I'm getting ready for May 9!
"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14

Tuesday, April 10, 2012


Our Easter celebration was fabulous!  For some, large gatherings in large venues distracts them or gives them reason to complain about what they didn't like.  For me, it's different.  To be surrounded by thousands (official count was 8566!) of people celebrating THE most important day ever moves me beyond words.  I think of the millions (billions???) of people across the world that either can't publicly celebrate due to the countries in which they live or those who don't know Jesus as their Lord and Savior and I am humbled by the fact that God chose to let me be born in this country...where I can gather with other believers celebrating the Risen King!  The venue means nothing to me...my relationship is with the Lord and I can go into any church/building/hut/arena and still feel the connection between us.  It's a beautiful thing!  

Bonus - I did well eating at the family gathering afterward.  (See post here: Easter Fare)  The weather was absolutely gorgeous and perfect for family time outside.

Yesterday's eating wasn't so good.  I didn't overeat at all.  The problem is I had ONE meal (lunch made from the leftover kabob meats) and then "snacked" off and on the rest of the night.  Snacks included a total of 8 Robin Eggs (you know...the candy coated malted milk balls), a few jelly beans (less than 10, but I don't know the exact number), some (again, didn't measure) sunflower seeds and fresh pineapple.  I know it could have been a lot worse, but it was NOT good.  A bad habit I've yet to break.  Must. Eat. Regular. Meals.   

Made several more phone calls today.  Had to make an appointment for a phone interview with the pre-admission nurse (May 4 @ 7:00am!) and then call to pre-register.  Then I had to contact the company that manages our Short Term Disability / FMLA program at work.  I detest those calls.  Questions like, "What do you do at your job?  Do you lift more than 10lbs.  How long do you expect to be off work?"  I know it's part of their job, but I've dealt with this company before and usually they try to get the patient back to work before the recommended time by the doctor.  I don't know how long I'll be out...2 weeks?  3 weeks?  No clue.  Guess I'll find out soon enough.

Work.  Ugh.  So with the recent downsizing and changes in my position, I realized today that I will have a lot to get use to again.  Things like working holidays (haven't had to do that in over 6 years!) and little flexibility with scheduling due to phone coverage, etc.  Please do not misunderstand.  I am incredibly grateful that I still have a job and the insurance that goes along with it which is allowing this surgery to happen.  It's just a whole lot of change.  I really am trying to keep my focus on 1 Corinthians 10:31 "...whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."

I still need to order (and begin trying) some other protein supplements.  I know I repeat myself, but I think it's more of a reminder for me of things I need to remember.  Please excuse the repetitiveness.  I need to talk (type) out loud.  I need to talk through all that's going through my head.  I need to be able to process this with people who are willing to listen and give some positive reinforcement.  It's not that I'm scared, but there is some anxiousness about it all.  Talking helps me deal with some of that.  It gives me a chance to let it all sink in.  The more I say/hear it, the more real it becomes for me.  (Which is really an odd concept considering that one negative comment stays with me for decades!)

I thought about the goal weight that *I* set for myself.  The one on the little tracker at the top of my blog.  I wonder how close I am to what my body thinks should be my ideal.  I'm trying to resolve myself to what surgeon said yesterday - that the goal is to lose the weight and keep it off long-term, not hit a target number.  Another new thought process for me.

Oh...know how my Monday started?  With a knock on my bathroom door as I'm in the shower.  It was my youngest.  "Mom?  Can you tell me why it's almost 8:00 and I'm not at school yet??"  WHAT?!?!?  I totally messed up!  I thought the boys had a 4-day weekend (Good Friday and yesterday).  Wrong. The local Catholic schools and other nearby school districts were out of school, but not ours.  Nope.  The boys' 4-day weekend isn't until April 20-23.  What a way to start a week!  

So there ya have it...some random thoughts nesting in my brain.  Thanks for reading this hodge-podge of words.  Still counting down til May 9!

"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14

Monday, April 9, 2012

I Have a Date!

CME joined me for my appointment with the surgeon today.  We started in a group meeting - 4 other patients and families - to get a little more information on the surgery itself.  The surgeon was really nice and the presentation did explain a couple more tidbits of information that I didn't know.  But what stood out to me was when he said that they (bariatric center) don't set goal weights for patients.  It's not really about a number, it's about becoming healthier and feeling better.  He mentioned that often-times people set unrealistic goals for themselves which automatically sets them up for failure.  The "goal" of this program is to get significant amounts of weight off and keep it off long-term.  Not hit a target number.  He also mentioned that the yo-yo effect of dieting (which I'm certain every one of us in that room have experienced) is physiologically detrimental.

I then met the surgeon for a little one-on-one (+CME) discussion.  There aren't any real concerns about the surgery for me.  He mentioned that I am young (which made CME chuckle) and should have no problems.  However, with the family history of DVTs, he probably will place me on a blood thinner for the first month after surgery.  I've not had any blood clots, but the fact that both parents and my sister have experienced them puts me at a higher risk to develop them. 

We were then sent to the surgeon's main office to get on his schedule.  It was kind of funny when were in the group meeting, another patient and I were discussing dates.  We were kind of joking with each other that we would race to the surgery center to get the first date.  We are both SO excited for this event. I happened to be the first patient the surgeon saw after the meeting so I was the first out the door to try to get on the books.  Wouldn't you know it...the first available date was the same date that my youngest son will be starring (ha!) in the elementary school choir's spring play at church!  So I took the next available date - Wednesday, May 9, 2012!  I figure that one week for me isn't a big deal - but to my 11-year-old son, it's huge!  Priorities!  I'd be lying if I didn't tell you I was a little disappointed.  I was thinking I'd come home this afternoon and could write that I'd be post-op 2-weeks from now.  But God's timing is perfect...always.  And I am thankful that I now have a date and can continue to prepare for the changes that will occur with this surgery.  I still need to buy a few more samples of protein powders.  I still need to try a couple of the recipes.  I still need to do a little more planning.  A surgery date one month away probably IS better for me after all.  

Oh...and I was down another 5.2 pounds since my last weigh-in/visit at bariatric center.  I made it through Easter without a glitch.  It's amazing what keeping my eyes focused on Jesus really does allow me to do!

Counting down til May 9...
"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14

Saturday, April 7, 2012


I've had a few random thoughts pop into my brain today as I've been preparing for our family's Easter celebration tomorrow.  More than once, my brain has said, "This will be the last Easter I will..."  I finish that sentence a little differently each time, but the theme has been the same: different foods that I tell myself I'll never have again.  And though most of the time the thoughts were negative, as the day progressed I found saying things like, "This will be the last Easter I have to endure walking the stairs at the venue at this weight." (our church rents out the local stadium/arena for our Easter celebration) or "This is the last Easter that I'll feel squished into those stadium seats!"  or "This will be the last Easter I will be feeling so totally over-stuffed after lunch!"

Then tonight it hit me.  My focus has been SO wrong this weekend.  My focus has been on food and weight and me.  So I'm now saying, "This is the last Easter that I let my focus be on anything but our Risen Savior and Lord Jesus Christ!"  

He is Risen!!  And that, dear friends, is a reason to celebrate!
"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Assumptions, Reflections and a B.H.A.G.

As I've mentioned before, the weather around here has been unseasonably warm and spring has definitely filled the town.  My office is in Downtown E'ville with a view of the river (makes our city seem a lot bigger than it really is!).  Some days I just need to get outside the building for a while.  Today was one of those days so I decided to enjoy my lunch hour by sitting near the river.

A small bird caught my attention as it fluttered around in the dirt.  At first I assumed it was hurt.  It didn't look like it had any legs.  Seriously!  I wondered if it had fallen out a tree and somehow managed to make its way to this dirty little spot.  But as I watched it more, I realized it wasn't hurt at all.  It was actually wallowing in the dirt almost playfully...pausing every so often with its wings spread out as if to "mark" it's spot or claim victory over this tiny area.  I am king of the hill!  I have no idea why a bird would roll around in the dirt.  But this tiny little creature made me realize how quickly we are I am to assume I know the situation, when really I don't.  I truly only know my situation.  I can't look at another person and assume that because they are thin that they are healthy or that they've never had a weight problem.  Or because they are fat they are in the same situation as me.  Every one has their own story, their own journey, their own problems, their own successes, and their own little dirt mound to conquer and claim as their own.

I spent the majority of my lunch hour reflecting over some recent events.  About how I've lived in this town my entire life, but have never sat at the river during my lunch.  About the text message I got from my International daughter that said, "More sun, less doctors." (meaning, get outside more!)  I thought a lot about how God is constantly molding me and opening my eyes to His glory in every day things - a place like this to get a way from the hustle and bustle of work for a while; for realizing that I am inside WAY too much and that the warmth of the sun on a warm spring day does wonders for the attitude later.  I thought about the significance of this holy week and how I am amazed that Jesus loves me (us) so much that he endured my punishment on the cross.  I thought about where my life has been, where it is now an how God is continuing to work on me...inside and out...all the time.  It was a great way to spend my lunch.

I've recently read a couple other gastric bypass / weight loss blogs where the authors have made some statement about setting a goal and working toward that.  Although having the gastric bypass surgery is a pretty big goal, I've added another B.H.A.G. (big hairy audacious goal) to the list.  I have decided to participate in the city's Half Marathon in October!  Three contributing factors:  1) I will be walking it with my friend!  Always better to walk with a buddy for encouragement.  2) It's happening in October which seems like a much more sensible time of the year for a marathon.  3) This is a goal that I never ever would dream of doing on my own!  It will take total reliance on God to get me through this.  If you have known me for any length of time at all, you know that any form of exercise is a stretch for me, but to actually walk 13.1 miles?  With bad knees?  This is a God-size goal and with Him, I will cross that finish line and get that participation medal!  Dream big, folks!  Dream big, then act on that dream!
"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

My First Shipment Arrived!

My first shipment of Unjury protein supplements arrived today!  The "starter kit" is a little cheesy if you ask me - but I'm excited that it's here!!  Now the dilemma of deciding to try a few of them prior to surgery or waiting until after.  I'll definitely need to purchase more supplements, and I'm pretty sure I want to get a few of the Nectar samples too.  But I'm still looking for feedback on what others have used and liked and which seem to be the best for the money.

Excited that this is one more step closer to a healthy life!
"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14

Monday, April 2, 2012

Emotional Roller Coaster

"You might want to consider that you boarded the emotional roller coaster when you got your insurance letter."

Those were the words of CME today.  I didn't take that comment very well.  Heck, I've not taken a few comments very well the past couple of days.  I do not believe that my feelings on a couple of the topics are 100% related to the insurance letter, but I do admit my emotions are all over the place.  I even broke down in tears today at work.  At work of all places!  Long story, but I messed up a notification that had to be sent to our clients.  I sent it all right.  To roughly 1,000 retailers that shouldn't have received it.  I don't like making mistakes.  I take a lot of pride in my work and my job performance.  When I mess up, I take it personally.  Today was no exception.  Normally though, I don't cry in a situation like that.

It doesn't really make sense to me that I cried over an error that can (and is in the process of being) be fixed.  My boss wasn't upset with me.  Just got the, "Figure out how to fix it and do it.  It's okay."  And it certainly doesn't make any sense to me that I'd be upset about getting the letter from the insurance company approving something that I've been wanting and waiting for - for what seems like forever.  I'm super-excited!  I even called bariatric center first thing this morning to make sure they had received the certification from the insurance company.  They received it...I meet with the surgeon on Monday, 4/9, and will get a surgery date set!  I'm stoked!

So why are my emotions all out of sorts?  Maybe it's because we have a dog that's sick and needs tests that could run us in excess of $700.  Maybe it's because the A/C isn't working in my car and it's been near 90 the past two days (WAY too early for that kind of heat!) and the added expense of getting that fixed is going to bite.  Maybe it's because I see that the boys need spring clothes and I've not yet bought them any, uncertain of what lies ahead with the dog/car/surgery expenses.  Maybe it's because I see CME working a lot to try to help us get ahead only for all of the above to happen at once.  I don't know why my emotions are running amok - but they are.  I really don't believe it has to do with my surgery - but I suppose the excitement (because that's an emotion too) could play into it.  

Regardless, I need to keep them in check - even when I feel I'm right.  I need to take the Apostle James' advice and be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. (James 1:19)  Then, maybe as I ride this roller coaster it will have some sense of fun...like being a little kid again...throwing my hands in the air and screaming with joy as the coaster plummets downward; taking a breather as I ascend a new height...quickly followed by twists and jerks and dips and plunges.  

Roller coasters - some ups; some downs.  Either way, it’s part of the ride.
"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14