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Monday, April 2, 2012

Emotional Roller Coaster

"You might want to consider that you boarded the emotional roller coaster when you got your insurance letter."

Those were the words of CME today.  I didn't take that comment very well.  Heck, I've not taken a few comments very well the past couple of days.  I do not believe that my feelings on a couple of the topics are 100% related to the insurance letter, but I do admit my emotions are all over the place.  I even broke down in tears today at work.  At work of all places!  Long story, but I messed up a notification that had to be sent to our clients.  I sent it all right.  To roughly 1,000 retailers that shouldn't have received it.  I don't like making mistakes.  I take a lot of pride in my work and my job performance.  When I mess up, I take it personally.  Today was no exception.  Normally though, I don't cry in a situation like that.

It doesn't really make sense to me that I cried over an error that can (and is in the process of being) be fixed.  My boss wasn't upset with me.  Just got the, "Figure out how to fix it and do it.  It's okay."  And it certainly doesn't make any sense to me that I'd be upset about getting the letter from the insurance company approving something that I've been wanting and waiting for - for what seems like forever.  I'm super-excited!  I even called bariatric center first thing this morning to make sure they had received the certification from the insurance company.  They received it...I meet with the surgeon on Monday, 4/9, and will get a surgery date set!  I'm stoked!

So why are my emotions all out of sorts?  Maybe it's because we have a dog that's sick and needs tests that could run us in excess of $700.  Maybe it's because the A/C isn't working in my car and it's been near 90 the past two days (WAY too early for that kind of heat!) and the added expense of getting that fixed is going to bite.  Maybe it's because I see that the boys need spring clothes and I've not yet bought them any, uncertain of what lies ahead with the dog/car/surgery expenses.  Maybe it's because I see CME working a lot to try to help us get ahead only for all of the above to happen at once.  I don't know why my emotions are running amok - but they are.  I really don't believe it has to do with my surgery - but I suppose the excitement (because that's an emotion too) could play into it.  

Regardless, I need to keep them in check - even when I feel I'm right.  I need to take the Apostle James' advice and be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. (James 1:19)  Then, maybe as I ride this roller coaster it will have some sense of fun...like being a little kid again...throwing my hands in the air and screaming with joy as the coaster plummets downward; taking a breather as I ascend a new height...quickly followed by twists and jerks and dips and plunges.  

Roller coasters - some ups; some downs.  Either way, it’s part of the ride.
"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14

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