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Thursday, March 1, 2012

Guilty as Charged

Oh what a week it's been!

I have read about half my education manual - though I really thought I'd have it finished by now.  I'll be posting about some of that later.  But first I need to get this out there... I am guilty of letting life's distractions take my focus off where it needed to be on this journey.  I've had a lot of conversations with God this week, but I don't think there was one time that I asked Him to help keep me on track and focused on this life change.  For the record - I can tell!!

After that great exercise evaluation - I've not been to the gym yet.  I've thought about it.  But it's not been anything more than that.  I did start journaling my food intake again - which is good, but what I'm consuming is not.  Oh, I could use the excuses that it's my birthday week or the fact more changes are happening at work - or should I say I did use those excuses - but truth of the matter is that they are just that...excuses.  I have let food control me once again.  I've found excuses to fall off the wagon.  I truly understand how difficult it is for alcoholics to stay sober.  I do.

One of the things I've discussed with the LCSW (as part of the individual and group counseling) is how to respond to "events".  Example, how do I respond to a birthday celebration...or two...or three?  Snacks at the Boy Scout Events?    Events are hard for me.  At least on my own.  I did split my piece of birthday cake and ice cream (yes both!) with CME.  That sounds really good until I tell you that the piece of cake was enough to be at least 2 servings anyway.  I thought I did "ok" with my choice of a slice of thin-crust cheese pizza and salad when I went out for lunch with friends, but birthday dinner (with a couple of my kiddos) of shepherd's pie, complete with mashed potatoes and beef gravy, nixed any "good" I had done at lunch time.  I did use one of the tips from LCSW when at the Boy Scout induction ceremony for my son.  I took a small bite of a cookie bar/brownie type thing and gave CME the rest.  (That's not the tip.)  I waited for a bit then looked at CME and said, "I have to walk away or I will go get one all for myself."  (tip)  Walking away / leaving the room when others are snacking or eating is an okay thing to do.  I know it's not always going to be that way, but for the immediate time being, it's how I'm going to HAVE to respond.  (Read that as saying:  "If I walk out of the room - don't take it personally!")

My old logic would go something like this:  You've blown this week already...might as well start fresh again on Monday.  What is it about Mondays?  What makes them the magical start over day?  Really.  It's just Thursday...I can will start fresh tomorrow!  There's no waiting until Monday.  Tomorrow is a new day.  A new start.  But now my new start needs a makeover.  I need to be focused in my prayers about this.  I cannot let another day slip by without asking God to be in control of my life and this journey.  Fully in control - not just of what I want Him to control.  I can do all things, through Christ who gives me strength! ~Philippians 4:13
"I praise you [God] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~Psalm 139:14

1 comment:

  1. Love this post! I struggle with the events, too. And I feel like to visit friends, we must go out to eat. I'm trying to shift my thinking to "coffee" or "walking", something besides sitting down at a restaurant.

    You're so inspiring, friend!